My Dirty Little Secret
by team-exclamation-mark
Summary: A drunken kiss and an ill timed proposal will change the lives of these two friends, but will either of them have the courage to stand up and claim what they really want? AU - HUMAN slightly OOC
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own Twilight or any of the characters they all belong SM.**

**A/N: Hi anyone that's currently reading this, weather that is one person or twenty people. This came in to my mind as I like odd pairings and I wanted to do something out of my comfort zone. This is really just setting the scene and to test the waters, to see if I should continue with this.**

**Well please read on, but if you do not like slash fiction then kindly turn away. You have been warned. And on with the show!**

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><p><strong>Chapter I ~ It All Started With a Kiss<strong>

**Edward POV**

Finishing off the last school report, I heard a loud insistent knock on my front door, followed by my name being shouted by a very drunk person. Pushing my glasses up the bridge of my nose, I stood and casually walked to the door. Glancing through the peep hole I saw Jacob swaying drunkenly as he tried not to fall on the floor. Swiftly pulling the door open, I was greeted with an ecstatic smile and enthusiastic greeting as he threw his arms out to give me a hug but fell when he took a shaky step forwards.

Grabbing him by the arm, before he hit the floor I awkwardly threw one of his arms round my neck and pulled him into the living room, depositing him on my sofa. As soon as I dropped him he slumped forwards, leaning with his head in his hands, a desolate cry escaping his lips.

"Jake, weren't you meant to be on your date?" Jacob was gay, had been ever since he came out at 18, but he knew long before that or so he said. We met at college, when I came across him beating up two guys for calling him a faggot. You would never know he was gay unless he told you and it never bothered me, he was just any other guy and it was never awkward between us.

"Me and Paul broke up" I shook my head, Paul was Jacob's on/off boyfriend they were crazy in love with each other, but because Jacob hated to be controlled by anyone they argued all the time.

"I'm sure you'll work it out, you always do" he shook his head dejectedly.

"Not this time" he paused rubbing his eyes sleepily "He broke up with me" at these words he slumped back on the couch, his eyes closing as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"What happened?" he remained so quiet that for a moment I thought he had fallen asleep, until he uncrossed his arms and let out a deep sigh.

"It doesn't matter now" he opened his eyes and looked down at me his expression neutral. Standing up I moved over to the other end of the sofa and sat down, next to Jacob placing a hand on his back and patting him, in what I hoped was a reassuring manner.

"It'll be alright Jake"

"Will it?" he lapsed into silence again, still looking at me for reassurance. It was then that I realised how close we were sitting next to each other, my hand still on his back I moved it to his shoulder. Squeezing his shoulder lightly and giving him a small smile I was about to move away, when he reached out and placed his hand on the back of my neck, in a very intimate gesture.

Before I could move away, he leaned in closer so that I could feel the warmth of his toned chest pressed up against my own. Tilting his head towards me slowly, I still had a chance to stop this, to move away or push him off me.

But some reason, I didn't want to.

So he lifted his hands to my face quickly removing my glasses and placing them on the coffee table, then he leaned into me, his lips brushing against mine gently at first. But then my hands found them grasping his hair and on his lower back holding him even closer to me. He opened his lips and his warm tongue pushed against my lips for entrance, which I gladly gave him, our tongues intertwining as he let out a groan closer to a growl. Instead of shocking me into realising what I was doing, it spurred me on, one of Jacob's hands making it's way down my body to cup my ass. Biting my lip he squeezed my ass, which made me groan in pleasure as I continued to kiss him deeply with more fervour.

Roughly pushing me back I was on my back with Jacob hovering on top of me as he smirked at me and leaned in to continue the kiss our groins rubbed against each other, Jacob let out another sexy growl as I felt how aroused he was getting. Then I realised that this had to stop, leaning away to stop the kiss and then standing up swiftly I turned my back to him, hearing a low groan of disappointment as I did so. I turned my back to him so that he would not see how turned on I was.

"Edward" he whined as he attempted to stand up, but he fell due to being excessively drunk. He landed back on the sofa with a soft thump, I pinched the bridge of my nose before I started talking.

"You can stay here tonight, I'll get you some pillows and a blanket" I heard no response from him, so I turned around and saw him sleeping, light snores emanating from his chest. Walking over to him, I looked at his sleeping form for a moment and then slowly pushed aside a lock of hair, my hand lingering for longer than was necessary.

Sighing deeply, I adjusted myself painfully before leaving my friend to sleep.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

The next day, I left before Jacob woke up leaving him a glass of water and a couple of aspirin on the coffee table. After all of the alcohol he consumed last night, he would have a major hangover when he woke up.

Slipping out quietly I avoided having to talk to Jacob to see if remembered the events of last night. I did not think he would remember it, not after being so drunk but it would be best if he didn't. After all it didn't mean anything did it, it didn't make me gay for having a kiss with my friend. What made me gay was if I liked the kiss or wanted to do it again. Shaking my head to clear all thoughts of Jacob and being gay, I drove to work fairly fast arriving at the school I worked at in only twenty minutes.

Getting out of the car, I got out my phone and sent a quick text to Bella, reminding her of the birthday dinner I have planned for her tonight.

Her response was quick, telling me that she loves me with a few kisses on the end which made me smile and forget about how Jacob's lips felt on mine.

Knocking on Bella's apartment door that night, I straightened my cuff links and she opened the door moments later. With a midnight blue dress, it had a scoop neck and broad straps with studs on them, a low waist with a thin silver belt to show off her tiny waist. The dress was made of floaty material that ended just above her knees, she paired it with strappy silver heels, a matching clutch and a silver wrap. Her hair was in a low bun, a few curls escaping to frame her face, light make up and no jewellery apart from a pair of silver drop earrings and a ring on the small finger on her right hand.

She smiled wildly at me, and locked the door behind her before standing close to me and kissing me. Feeling her soft lips as she gently kissed me wrapping her arms round my neck I couldn't help but compare it to my kiss with Jacob. Bella was all soft and gentle where Jacob was dominant and a little bit rough, a small part of me wanted the person kissing me to be him. When this though entered my mind I broke of the kiss abruptly, leaving Bella with a confused look on her face.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. But we should get going or we'll miss our reservation" she simply nodded and took my hand as we walked to where my Volvo was parked.

An hour later, after we had gotten to the restaurant we had just finished the main course and we were sipping our wine, laughing and enjoying each other's company. I felt that this was the perfect moment, it was either now or never.

Pushing my chair back I stood up and walked round the table so I was in front of her. Getting down on one knee her face broke out into a wide smile, as I took her left hand and reached into my jacket pocket taking out a small box that could only hold one thing.

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><p><strong>Jacob POV<strong>

Shit. I kissed Edward, my best friend. My _straight _friend. Double shit.

Having woken up with a major hangover I saw the water and aspirin laid out for me, gratefully taking it I went to the bathroom to clean up. Not remembering how the hell I got to Edward's, the last thing me being aware of being the massive fight with Paul and him walking out which was when I started to drink copious amounts of vodka.

I only remembered the events of last night when I walked past his room and got a whiff of his favoured aftershave. The musky scent reminding me just how close me and my friend got. The details was fuzzy, but I know he pulled away first after I forced myself on him. How bloody embarrassing, how the hell am I going to face him now?

Currently I was in my apartment after hailing a cab from outside Edward's; I was in my kitchen cooking something up for dinner, wondering what Edward was up to. It was at that moment my mobile rang, the phone vibrating wildly on the counter top. Checking the caller ID, I saw that it was Edward frowning in confusion I answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi Jake, I guess even after all that alcohol your alright?" concern coloured his voice and it made me feel a little better knowing he cared for me and was still my friend.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, fit as a fiddle" why did I say that, who says that anymore? I cringed inwardly at how stupid I sounded.

"Good, I'm glad. I have something to tell you"

"Really? Good or bad news?"

"Good news fricking great news. I proposed to Bella and she said yes!" he sounded so happy but for some stupid reason, my stomach dropped and a flare of jealousy crept over me. I shouldn't be surprised he got the ring a month ago, he kept harping on how he would pop the question to Bella.

"That's great Edward, congrats" my voice sounded fake and much too high but if he noticed he said nothing.

"Thanks, so will you be my best man?" I took a deep breath before responding.

"Of course I will, who else can amuse the guests with embarrassing stories about you mate?" he let out a low chuckle, and I could imagine how he would tilt his head back his forest green eyes crinkling up in amusement.

"That's true, I have to go. Call you later"

"Sure, sure" I replied as I hung up. Dropping the phone onto the counter top, beside me I leaned back on the counter and rubbed circles on my temples sighing.

Why the hell did I feel so damn jealous, I have no reason to, he my friend, my straight friend, a friend who is engaged to be wed and wants me to be his best man. The best way to get through it would be to pretend it never happened, unless he brought it up, which I doubt seeing as he has probably forgotten by now, so I would do just that.

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><p><strong>AN: So what do you think, should I continue or stick to what I know?**

**If I do continue this it won't be until after I have finished one of my other stories. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! Until next time xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**A/N: wow, I got such a great response that I never would have expected. I'll keep this short, this is the chapter that really just establishes the plot more. Well on with the show, enjoy and thank you for reading!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Two - Better Than Before<strong>

**Jacob POV**

**A four days later...**

Waking up to the sound of knocking on my door, I felt groggy the memory of the night before hazy at best. My head felt like someone hit me with a sledge hammer, the light peeking out from my curtains sending pinpricks of pain through to my brain. Sitting up slowing the bed sheets fell to my waist and I was suddenly aware that I was bare ass naked. That was when I saw the equally naked guy lying on his front beside me.

He was quite good looking of what I could see which was quite a lot. A lean muscled body with shaggy brown hair that flopped into his face a little, he moved in sleep to lie on his back showing a pierced ear. Due to the insane amount of alcohol I had last night at the club I'm having trouble remembering his name, all I know right now is that it begins with an R, Rick...Robert...Ross none of them fit.

As he slept I realized the banging on my door had stopped, sliding out of bed I hunt for my boxers seeing them on the door handle. Yanking them on I sprint to the bathroom making it there just in time to throw up in the toilet. After clearing out my system I hear my phone ring, following the sound I find it in the living room under one of the cushions.

"Hello?" my voice sound dry and croaky, so I head to the kitchen to get some water and aspirin.

"Jake where are you?" I recognize Edwards's voice immediately, stopping in my tracks I try to figure out what he means.

"I just woke up mate"

"Oh, well I've been waiting in the park for over half an hour, for you. Are you alright?" shit, it was Saturday morning, every Saturday we go for a run in the park and I completely forgot!

"Sorry, Edward I totally forgot"

"Well I guess you have had other things on your mind" at this point Riddley or Reese walked out of my bedroom, no longer naked but only wearing a pair of black briefs.

"I am really sorry Ed"

"Don't worry about it, but don't forget about dinner tonight" how could I forget it was a mini celebration for the engagement of Bella and Edward, at their favourite restaurant Bella Italia, aptly named. It was a casual thing before the massive party Edward's mother Esme was planning for them. As Ryan or Riley walked in he smiled at me before helping himself to some coffee.

"I won't forget"

"Do you need a lift?" my rabbit that I had worked on over the years since I was 15 had popped it's clogs last week and I was in the process of getting a new car, but I was being very picky.

"No Leah's will give me a ride" Leah was my friend from my home town and the first person to find out I was gay, she even introduced me to Paul at a friend's party.

"Okay then, I'll see you tonight. Bye Jake"

"See you later" hanging up and dropping the phone back on the sofa I sighed looking at Robert or Ross as he sipped his coffee as he leaned against the counter top. Walking into the kitchen and dismissing the black coffee that had been brewed, I got a glass of water and sat at the table a silence hung over the two of us.

"Last night was fun" he broke the silence looking at me hopefully. I grunted my approval taking a deep pull of water, looking at the time on the microwave and saw that it was nearly one o'clock. The conversation was effectively nonexistent as we had our drinks in silence. Five minutes later I hear the lock on the front door clicking as it swings open. Leah walked in with four bags awkwardly held in her arms at first she doesn't see us, but as I step forward to help her with the groceries she smiles at me, briefly before seeing Richard or Ronald and her smile turned suggestive. She handed the bags raising her eyebrows at me as she saw he was only in his underwear.

"Hello I don't believe we've met before. I'm Leah" giving the last bag to me she walked forwards and held out her hand.

"I'm Riley" they shook hands and he offered to help put the shopping away.

"Thank you, will you stay for lunch?" I shake my head at Leah as I stand behind Riley so he doesn't see, but Leah ignores me an amused smirk on her face.

"I would but I've got somewhere to be" I breathe a sigh of relief. He turns to face me a smile still on his face he walks back into the bedroom presumably to put some clothes on. As soon as he is out of ear shot she immediately starts talking about him.

"He's cute"

"Yeah"

"So?"

"So what?" she lets out an exasperated sigh putting one hand on her hip as she looks at me pointedly.

"Are you going to see him again?" I frown deeply, shaking my head at the same time.

"I don't think so" she looks disappointed and drops the subject as Riley walks back in, now fully clothed. Smiling genuinely at me and Leah he strode over to me planting a soft kiss on my cheek.

"Call me?" I just nod non-committedly earning a disapproving look from Leah which I ignore as I walk him to the door. Leah makes a big show of going into her bedroom leaving us alone, I don't really want to be alone with him. He was a one night stand and I doubt I'll ever see him again after last night. As we stand by the door, he turns round and kisses me, for a moment I don't respond but as he presses his lips closer I kiss him back.

I'm the first to break away, not because he's a bad kisser but because he's not the one I want to be with. With one last hopeful smile he leaves, closing the door behind him I lean my forehead against the door feeling like shit as my headache worsens.

Walking away my footsteps heavy I am about to go into the bathroom for a shower and much needed shave when I hear a knock on the door. Leah pokes her head round the door in confusion at hearing someone at the door.

"I think that's Riley ready for the next round" she announces in a sing song voice waggling her eyebrows suggestively. I rolled my eyes at her innuendo turning round and walking back to the door.

"Get your mind out of the gutter" I threw over my shoulder as I pulled the door open, to reveal the last person I expected to see.

"Hello Jacob" he looks uncomfortable as if being made to do a task that he finds distasteful. He still looks handsome; his black hair recently cut his body muscular even under the loose blue t-shirt he wore. I wanted so much to just hug him and kiss him and pretend like the past week never I resist for I know that is not the reason as to why he is here, even though with all my heart I want that to be so. For him to say he made mistake, that he still wants me with him. It's too much to hope for, so I don't dwell on that idea long.

"Hello Paul, what are you doing here?" there was no point in beating round the bush. I heard footsteps behind me and so I assumed Leah was standing behind me, probably giving Paul a glare.

"Well, I have some things I left here" he scratched behind his ear a quick I recognized for he did it when nervous or uncomfortable, his eyes moving to Leah then back to me.

"wait here" said Leah more to me than Paul, she walked away returning moments later with a box in her arms, she shoved the box into his arms with a little more force than was needed as he stumbled back a step. She took a step back and then put her hands on her hips, scowling at him.

"Here, now you can leave" he looked back at me but I said nothing he opened his mouth to say something but the look on Leah's face made whatever he was about to say die on his lips.

"um...okay then" turning round rather swiftly he left with only a little hesitation, walking down the stairs and away from me. Closing the door I went to the sofa sitting down and placing my head in my hands as my headache intensified. The finality of the situation crashed over me, we were really over this time. After all the fights and splitting up to get back together, we weren't going to kiss and make up this time. Leah sat next to me taking my hands away from my face and pulling me close to her and enveloping me in a hug not saying a word as she did so.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

"Leah, have you seen my shoes?" she walked into my room, dressed in a knee length sleeveless olive green wrap around dress and brown sandals with a low heel. Her shoulder length hair was left casually styles in loose waves, with just a touch of make up to accentuate her eyes.

"How am I supposed to know? I'm surprised you find anything under all this crap, when was the last time you were able to see the floor" her tone was heavily sarcastic, sighing at her unhelpful response I looked round finding one shoe at the bottom of my cupboard the other in my sock drawer. She shook her head laughing quietly as I pulled the shoes on. She looked at her wrist watch tapping the clock face impatiently.

"I'm nearly ready" walking to the mirror I took in my reflection, the stripy green and white shirt and the faded dark blue jeans. Rolling up the sleeves up to the elbows I reached for the hair gel carefully doing my hair. Leah rolled her eyes as she leaned against the door frame and crossed her arms over her chest.

"You're such a girl"

"Perfection takes time, babe" she huffed and walked to the door, calling to me over her shoulder.

"C'mon pretty boy or we're gonna be late" with one last glance in the mirror, I shoved my phone, wallet and keys in my pockets grabbed a jacket and locked up as Leah started up the car.

In the car we chatted about mindless things, hot celebrities and our favourite TV shows. Talking about 'safe' subjects avoiding the topic that was at the forefront of my mind, my now officially ex-boyfriend Paul.

Arriving at the restaurant half an hour later, we were shown to a table near the back that gave us some measure of privacy. Our friends were already seated at the table, laughing enthusiastically at a rather embarrassing story of Edward as a seven year old. Our friends were all sat in couples, with Rosalie and Emmett on the left side as we entered, next to Alice and Jasper who curiously were not talking to each other.

On the right side sat Bella and Edward two free seats net to Edward and opposite Rosalie and Emmett. Edward was the first to notice us, he smiled widely his emerald eyes sparkling as he greeted us warmly, saying a quick hello to our friends we sat down and the wine flowed freely as embarrassing stories were being shared about the the newly engaged couple. Bella blushed profusely as Alice recounted a story that involved Bella, ice skating and inevitably a visit to the ER.

Every so often Edward would look over at Bella a smile playing on his lips as he watched her talk, he would squeeze her hand or bring it to his lips. Then she would turn and flip her hair over her shoulder grinning coyly at him, leaning forward and kissing him on the lips. Rose and Alice would ' aww' and Leah would roll her eyes while Emmett waggled his eyebrows in a racy manner, inciting more blushes from Bella when they pulled away.

Every time he gave her one of those special glances or kissed her so tenderly a small stab of jealousy went through me. Even with Paul still on my mind I managed to feel jealous of Bella.

This is crazy Edward is my friend, my very recently engaged _straight_ friend. Mentally shaking Of any other jealous thoughts I focused my attention back on to conversation, as I poured my second glass of wine glupping it down quite quickly earning a worried glance from Leah. Ignoring her I continued to drink, draining my glass in just a few minutes.

What I didn't notice were the occasional glance Edward stole every now and then only when I wasn't looking. Occasionally our knees would brush against each other, he would make no effort to move away nor would he acknowledge it, but it's probably me imagining things that aren't there.

Watching my friends all do couples like activities - apart from Alice and Jasper who were still resolutely ignoring each other - I felt the need to get away from it so I excused myself to go to the restroom. As soon as I left the fixed smile on my face faded and I let out a deep sigh as I pushed open the gent's restroom door open.

As I came out of the stall a couple of minutes later I saw Edward walk in, he smiled at me as I washed my hands.

"Hey"

"Hi Ed" he walked over to me leaning on the edge on the nearest sink with his back to the mirror and his arms crossed over his chest.

"You alright? You seem really quiet" plastering on a fake smile I shook my head as I dried my hands with a paper towel.

"I'm fine" he raised an eyebrow cynically; he knew I felt like crap, I never could hide anything from him. "I saw Paul today" I say sighing in resignation, as I scrunch up the paper towel into a ball and throw it into the bin to my left, it hits the rim and bounces in.

"Where did you see him?" his features were composed into an expressionless expressing the one he used to hide his feelings. As good as he was at reading other people when it came it Edward he was closed off, you really had to try to get close to him and even with his closest friends he was always somewhat guarded.

"He came round to get the last of his things. So I guess it's official me and Paul are no more" he said nothing but looked deep in thought "I guess I wasn't good enough for him"

"Or he wasn't good enough for you" he replies without thinking about, I can tell he thinks he has said too much by the way he pursues his lips and looks to the side.

"You're my friend of course you would say that" he shakes his head.

"No, you're brilliant…honestly" he added as I looked at him with an unconvinced look on my face. "He's just an idiot and when he realizes that you'll have moved on" shaking my head I place my hand on his shoulder giving it a brief squeeze and drooping my arm.

"You're a good friend Edward, but that won't happen. This time it is for good whether I like it or not" sighing I went to walk past him to exit the bathroom, but Edward stopped me in my tracks when he placed a hand on my chest. Feeling his hand his fingers splayed over my chest I looked at him in confusion, he stood up straight so he was standing merely inches away from me. I was fairly tall and towered over most people with my nearly 6ft 4" frame, but Edward was almost as tall as me and so our eyes were locked as he didn't make a move to remove his hand.

His gaze flicked to my lips only for a few lingering seconds but it was long enough, he tilted his head forward, his barely brushed against mine but I responded immediately deepening the tentative kiss, when all of a sudden we heard someone enter and we immediately sprang apart, an alarmed and guilty look on Edward's face as he looked away as a non-descript middle aged man walked in.

Running his hand through his messy looks he moved to the door, walking out only looking back as he opened the door he looked as if he wanted to say sorry, but just left. Touching my lips as if I could feel the second kiss we shared I shook my head and left too.

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><p><strong>AN: comments any one? Thanks for reading and for all the comments, really good to hear. Bye folks!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or anything else related to Twilight.**

**A/N: hi everyone, sorry this took so long but I typed out the majority of this out on my phone and I wasn't too happy with the first draft so I rewrote the whole chapter. **

**Anyway enjoy, thanks for reading and continuing to stay with me!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Three - Pacing floors and opening doors<strong>

**Edward POV**

Looking at my watch I saw that it was nearly two in the afternoon, knocking on the door Leah answered. She had a cup of coffee in one hand and was dressed casually in light blue slouchy jeans and a white t-shirt with the Rolling Stones logo, she was barefoot with her hair in a loose plait down her back, she smiled warmly at me as she let me in. Smiling back I walked in she led me into the small open plan kitchen, offering a cup of coffee. As she stirred the dark liquid, she sighed deeply looking at me as she spoke.

"The reason I called you was because Jake is not dealing with the break up well at all. Yesterday, he had some random guy in his bed, he's been going out nearly every night getting drunk and bringing back a new guy. Its not good for him" she handed me the cup, her eyebrows scrunched in concern for Jacob.

"Is that concern for someone else, are you feeling okay Leah?" I said in a teasing voice. She shook her head playfully slapping my shoulder as she sat down next to me.

"Yes, I care for Jake. He was there for me when Sam broke up with me and so I have to do the same. But tell him that and I'll fucking castrate you Cullen" she tacked on the last part with venom in her voice as the smirk fell from my face, Leah didn't do empty threats. Chuckling as she saw the look on my face I rolled my eyes and took a deep gulp of my coffee.

"So where is he?"

"In bed, he won't get up and he really needs a shower, he reeks of cigarettes, booze and some other shit" standing up and draining the rest of my coffee I placed our cups by the sink and walked towards the room that was Jacob's. Not bothering with knocking I pushed the door open and it banged against the wall causing a startled Jacob to sit Up in shock.

"what, what!...oh its you" He slumped back on to his bed and closed his eyes. Looking round the room, I took in the utter mess cluttered everywhere. The furniture in his room was simple, with a large bed on the left side the closet with clothes spilling out of it on the right side of the room opposite the bed. A chest of drawers was at the end of his bed, with the top drawers open and more clothes spilling out. Jacob currently lay on his back with the bed sheets pulled up to his chin.

"Jake, you can't stay in bed all day"

"I can if I want to" he moaned into his pillow as he clutched tightly at it, willing himself to cling on to the last vestiges of sleep. Sighing I made my way through the mess carpeting the floor to perch awkwardly on the end of the bed.

"C'mon Jake you were fine yesterday, what happened?" a stony silence greeted me until he threw the covers off of him and jumped out of bed, facing me with a scary looking glare on his face.

"Fine?" he hissed menacingly as he stood only a foot away from me with nothing on but a pair of light blue boxers. My gaze drifted lower to his toned torso and defined abs, but snapped back to his face as he started talking again. "You think I was fine as I watched all my smug friends be all cute and couply, very nicely reminding me of my newly single status. Or as I saw my ex boyfriend as he walked out of my life, for good"

"Jacob I di-"

"You didn't realise how insensitive you were or you didn't care after you realised what a mistake you made last night?" shit he was talking about the kiss, the kiss I hadn't been able to stop thinking about especially when Bella kissed me last night. As I made love to my fiancée, even though it was wrong I though about that small kiss as it felt so...I couldn't think of the right words but it was definitely different. I didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing.

"I don't think it was a mistake" I spoke so quietly I wasn't sure he heard me, but he stopped talking looking at me with confusion on his face anger still a prevalent emotion in his eyes as he looked at me. At that moment Leah walked in knocking on the door as she entered.

"Have I interrupted anything?" she raised an eyebrow as Jacob took a step back and grabbed a nearby t-shirt pulling it on quickly and then standing in the middle of the room looking slightly uncomfortable.

"No you haven't" said Jacob as he leaned against the window sill. Leah nodded but looked unconvinced she glanced at both of us before shaking her head evidently no longer concerned if she had interrupted anything.

"So I see your finally out of bed" he nodded turning and giving her his full attention.

"Looks like it"

"Good, now all we need to do is to get you to shower and shave you are starting to smell"

"Always so subtle" he replied with heavy sarcasm, while she rolled her eyes.

"You know me, now in the shower" she stepped back and pointed down the hall with a dramatic flourish. He groaned but grabbed a towel from one of the drawers by his bed and slouched off grumbling as he did so. She chuckled and called out after him: "don't forget to wash behind your ears" he made a general grunt of agreement. As he walked off down the hall to the bathroom, Leah walked the opposite way into the living room seating herself on the couch and motioning for me to do the same.

As I sat myself down at the opposite end, she switched on the TV flicking channels until she settled on a sports channel. She sat with her knees to her chest her chin leaning on her knees, her hair falling loose from the plait and settling round her face. As the commercials came on twenty minutes later Jacob walked in a pair of khaki cargo pants and a black short sleeved v-neck, his hair damp and ruffled as he sat in between me and Leah. As he sat next to me I was very much aware of the feel of his thigh next to mine, I was conflicted.

One part of me wanted to move away, sever the connection. The other part quite liked it and wanted to get closer to him, it was new to me and so I did the only logical thing. Standing up I looked away from Jacob and at Leah instead.

"I-I have to go, I forgot I need to go see Bella"

"Okay then see you later Ed" She stood and walked me too the door as Jacob called out a brief farewell, not looking at me as I walked out of their apartment.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

Walking to my front door as some knocked on my door with quite a bit of force, I looked down at my watch and then at my coffee table which had various papers scattered round for the lessons next week which I was preparing for. Pulling the door open I saw Bella she had a smile on her face, she kissed me on the lips chastely as a greeting as she let herself in. She was positively bursting with excitement as she walked into my kitchen and helped herself to a glass of wine.

"you'll never guess what I found out today" she took a small sip of wine as she gazed at me expectantly.

"If I'll never guess I'm Not sure I want to play this game" I replied nonchalantly as I pushed my glassed up my nose and walked over to the coffee table where my papers were, Bella trailing after me.

"Edward, we have a date"

"a date for what?" I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion, taking off my glasses and putting them on the table as I looked at Bella.

"the wedding of course! There was a cancellation at the -, so we can get married on July the 15th!"

"we've barely been engaged for a week" July was in just three months time, that was much sooner than I had originally anticipated. At my thoughtless statement her face fell, biting her lip as she sat next to me, now more subdued.

"are you having second thoughts Edward? Because if this is moving to fast we can always go for a long engagement. So we're not rushing into anything, I won't mind as long as I have you" she held my hand as she Looked deep into my eyes, her willingness to put her plans aside doe me reminded me of one of the reasons why I loved her.

"no, that sounds like the perfect date with the perfect woman at the perfect place" I smiled and pulled her into a hug. She pulled away the bright grin back on her face.

"Perfect" she said before she kissed me on the lips again, really getting into it deepening the kiss as she straddled my lap and started to grind against my hardening erection. Eliciting a groan from me she smiled and wound one her hands into my messy hair, tugging lightly and biting my lip as my hands wandered lower down to squeeze her ass. Moaning she broke away, smiling devilishly before she tugged off my shirt and moved down my body, to undo the buttons on my trousers.

Pushing aside any thoughts of Jacob, I pulled Bella to me kissing her deeply, probably more harshly than I had intended and picking her up so her legs were wrapped round my waist. Cupping her ass so she wouldn't fall her, hands wrapped round my neck as her kisses drifts lower down to my jaw and neck, I carried her into my bedroom.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

The next day we all went out for drinks, whilst Bella and her friends went round to Rosalie's house to watch a girly movie and pamper themselves. We went to a local car that was a favourite of ours, they did live music and sometimes we performed on the amateur mike nights. Me on guitar, Jacob on Bass, Emmett on drums and Jasper singing.

This night as I pulled into the parking lot my mind would switch off. I would be thinking of Bella and the place and date she had already picked out then my thoughts would turn to the kiss with Jacob. Both the one he had started when drunk as a skunk so he most likely didn't remember and the one I had started on Friday night. Even if he had not remembered the first kiss he had still responded, he had kissed me back so where did that leave us?

I felt confused because as much as I tried to deny I wanted to kiss him again so badly, if only just reaffirm whether I am gay or not. Does it make me gay if I liked kissing another man or is it only if I...go all the way? Sighing and shaking my head I tried to clear my thoughts as I entered the bar and spotted Jacob first.

He was sitting at a small round table near to the small stage where a cover band were playing their version of The Fray's How to Save a Life. Jacob was watching the band as one of the band members playing the bass a fairly good looking brown haired guy no older than 21 smiled at Jacob, he smiled back before turned back to Emmett to hear the crude joke he was telling. Jasper took a deep pull from his glass of beer draining the rest of it as his phone rang, he casually looked at the screen once and ignored the call tucking the phone away in his trouser pocket.

"Edward, glad you could make it" I smiled at my brother and nodded non comittedly, taking the free seat in between Jasper and Jacob and shifting it so it was further away from Jacob. But sitting at the small table I was still very close to Jacob and so I could feel the heat coming off of his body. Trying to dismiss all thoughts of how close he was I turned to my friends as Jaspers phone rang again. Without looking he ignored the call and stood up, swaying slightly as did so.

"another round guys?" we all muttered our ascent and he stumbled to the bar getting the barman's attention by banging on the top of the bar loudly, with the palm of his hand. Turning round to face my friends I arched an eyebrow in confusion.

"what's up with him?" Emmett shook his head sympathetically.

"Him and Alice are fighting" I was still confused and looked back at Jasper seeing him ignore another call, that was most likely to be from Alice.

"I thought she only moved in barely two weeks ago?"

"she did, since then she's been trying to change everything. I went round yesterday to get the CD he borrowed off me, she put those little bowls of scented flowers and shit everywhere" I rolled my eyes, he was being a little over dramatic. "I overheard them talking and she wants to paint the bedroom purple. Anyway as much as he loves her, she is being way too over bearing" at that point Jasper came back to the table, holding four bottles of beer in his hands. Handing them out he took a deep swig of his, slamming it back down on the table with a sigh.

No one said anything about his behaviour or suggested that he should not have another beer as he was clearly drunk. We talked about mundane things our jobs, with Emmett cracking jokes about married life as per usual laughing very loudly at his own jokes. When we had been there for nearly an hour the cover band finished their first set and went to take a break. The guy that had recognised Jacob earlier, walked over a carefree smile on his face as he waved at him.

"Anything we should know Jake?" said Emmett Suggestively waggling his eyebrows at Jacob as he shook his head and rolled his eyes. The guy approached our table still smiling at Jacob, who looked deeply embarrassed.

"Hi Jacob"

"Hello"

"Are you going to introduce us Jake?" boomed Emmett grinning mischievously at him. Jacob ducked his head as if trying to hide his expression before, sitting up straight and clearing his throat.

"Guys this is Riley my...erm...a...friend of mine" we all heard the uncertainty in his voice, he obviously did not want his here but Riley was clearly keen on him. "Riley this is Emmett...Jasper...and Edward" he motioned to us all in turn and we nodded briefly in greeting.

"how about another round on me guys?"

"sure sure" said Jacob nodding absent mindedly as he walked over to the bar. As soon as he was out of earshot, Emmett turned to look at Jacob a little confused.

"well, he seemed...nice" Jacob just nodded again and finished his beer, standing up when he had finished he cleared his throat loudly and grabbed his jacket, pulling it on hurriedly.

"I need some fresh air" without another glance at any of us or at Riley who was headed back to the table, he made his way through the bar and out the back door into the parking lot. Standing up I followed him taking my jacket and yanking it on as I walked out. As I left the bar I looked round and saw him leaning against a dark blue old style BMW, I assume it is his new car. Slowly walking towards him he lights up a cigarette and takes a deep pull from it closing his eyes briefly.

"When did you start smoking again?" he was a smoker when I first met him, having started at the age of 16 when his mother died. He stopped shortly after he started dating Paul, as he convinced to quit it.

"a few days ago, why does it matter?" He opened his eyes looking defiantly at me as if challenging me to say something else.

"Because its not good for you, that's the reason you quit the first time" he laughed bitterly and took another puff from the cigarette, looking away from me and down at the floor.

"the reason I quit was because Paul didn't like it. But now, now I don't have to try and please him do I?" sighing he took another drag and ran a hand through his hair. "What do you want Edward?"

"I'd ask if your okay, but I can see that question is rather redundant considering recent events. You slept with Riley didn't you"

"no shit Sherlock" pushing himself off the car he stood up straight, pressing his lips together in a thin line in the way he did when he was angry or depressed. In this case I guess it was a bit of both, not wanting to make him more pissed off I took a step back to give him some space, shoving my hands in my pockets. There was a silence as he took a deep pull from the cigarette tapping it as he pulled it away from his mouth, ash falling to the ground.

"Well do you like him?" shaking his head he rubbed his chin and the light stubble there.

"he was just a one night stand, I was drunk it didn't mean anything" shrugging he continued to look around not meeting my gaze.

"it always means something" he rolled his eyes as he continued to smoke the cigarette hanging in between his lips as he looked at his watch briefly then pushed his sleeve back over it. "maybe not to you, but it mean something to him. That's the reason they call it 'making love' Jake" he laughed and threw the cigarette butt to the ground, stamping it out with the heel of his shoe.

"your such a girl Edward" he smiled teasingly looking back at me, I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest.

"That coming from the guy that has watched Grease so many times he knows it word for word _including_ song lyrics and dance movements" he laughed shaking his head and putting his hands in his pockets.

"its a good movie" I just nodded, there was a brief silence before he looked away and spoke again. "are we ever going to talk about it or act like it never happened?"

"talk about what?" he looked at me with a slightly exasperated look raising an eyebrow. "do I have to spell it out for you? The kiss, you can't act like it never happened" it was my turn to look away as I though about how to respond to that. When I didn't answer he took a step towards me so was standing in front of me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

"I don't don't why it happened if that's what your asking" I still didn't look at him, because what I said was partly untrue, I did it because I had been thinking about it constantly since the night he came to my apartment drunk.

"did it...does it mean anything to you?"

"I'm not gay" I replied coldly.

"that wasn't what I asked you" I looked up at him and looked into his dark brown eyes that looked unwaveringly at me.

"I didn't feel anything for you" hearing my response he dropped his hand from my shoulder and shook his head.

"your such a crap liar Ed" not saying anything I looked down again, he took a step towards me and I took a step back. Taking another step forwards I took another step back but I was now backed against the car and his chest was inches away from mine. He held my chin and tilted it up so I was looking into his eyes again, his eyes were darker a mischievous glint to them as he lowered his head so that his mouth was close to mine. I could feel his warm breath over my lips and I could smell that woody pine scent that was so...appealing.

He dipped his head lower and brushed his lips against mine teasingly, I immediately responded and pushed my mouth against his but he moved away and I let out a small moan. Chuckling he placed his hand on my waist and lowered it slowly until his hand rested at the top of my ass, I put my hands on his shoulders to try and hold him closer, then he pressed his lips to mine. He nibbled on my bottom lip and my hands tangled in his hair, his tongue pushed against my lips and I parted them slightly and his tongue battled mine for dominance. By this time we were both breathing hard our hands all over each other, I let out a wanton moan of pleasure as he grabbed my ass roughly, smiling into the kiss before breaking away. Frowning but then composing my features I pushed myself off his car as he took a couple of steps back.

"you are such a bad liar" he pulled out his cars keys from his inside jacket pocket and got into his car without another word, driving off and leaving me.

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><p><strong>AN: sorry again that this took so long, I have started on the next one so it shouldn't be too long this time.**

**I am so glad this story is doing well, as I didn't think it would already I have more comments and views then my other stories put together!**

**Thanks for reading see you all next time.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**A/N: Hi everyone thank you for continuing to read I am already over a thousand views which is brilliant, so thank you. I decided to post this early as it no use to anyone sitting on my computer!**

*****warning! Lemon alert so if you don't like slash then this is not the story for you.*****

**Well now that's out of the way, let's get on with the show.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4 - Feel This<strong>

**Jacob POV**

Getting to my apartment at 10pm, I walked inside my thoughts on the kiss I had shared with Edward. He had not pulled away this time he had clearly wanted it, that was obvious from the way he had held on to me. Going to the kitchen I went to get a glass of vodka like I had been doing for the past week but I stopped myself as I got the tumbler out.

Just then I heard a key in the lock on the front door, turning round I saw Leah enter a smile on her face as she closed the door. Turning round she saw me standing by the fridge and her smile did not falter.

"Hi Jake"

"Hi Leah, did you have a good date?" he nodded and took off her coat hanging it on the peg by the door. She wore a simple black dress that fitted her well and showed off her legs, no jewelry apart from a set of silver studs. Her hair had been swept back into a low ponytail; her make up light with black wedges on.

"Yes, Jared took me to this restaurant by the river" she sat down on the sofa taking her shoes off motioning for me to sit next to her. "There were these fairy lights everywhere..." I listened intently the whole time doing the gay friend thing, by occasionally nodding my head and interjecting with a supportive comment. I was happy for Leah since her last serious boyfriend Sam she had never been able to get close to anyone else.

Others saw her as bitter, but that was only because she loved him so much. Leah and Sam had even talked about marriage before he broke up with her, for her cousin Emily. Now I could see how happy she was and knowing of the heartbreak she had suffered I wanted that much for her.

An hour later she was still smiling as she kissed me on the cheek and said goodnight. Smiling back at her I went to the kitchen and dismissing the tumbler got the bottle of vodka and took a deep swig. As happy as I was for my friends it just made me feel more alone and miserable for feeling so insanely jealous of them. Taking another deep pull from the bottle I sat at the table getting out a cigarette, taking sips in between each puff and sitting in the semi darkness until the whole bottle was finished.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

Getting out of bed at 10am the next Thursday morning, I saw what woke me up, my phone was ringing like mad. Reaching over to get it I answered the phone without checking the caller ID, big mistake.

"Jacob where the hell are you?" shit, it was my boss the complete asshole that was James Montgomery.

"Um...I'm on my way to work?" my brain felt slow as the last vestiges of sleep left me.

"Don't bother you're late again, for the 5th time so consider this your notice. Your fired Jacob"

"Please don't do that I need this job"

"Well you should have thought about that earlier, instead of going out to clubs and getting a hangover. Some people are responsible and dependable" shaking my head as he lectured me I lay back in my warm bed.

"Fine then, stuff your poxy job. I hate being a sales assistant anyway" hanging up I chucked the phone on the floor and pulled the blanket and pillow over my head, promptly going back to sleep not concerned in the least that I was now jobless.

Nearly three hours later I got out of bed, going into the kitchen I had toast and popped open a beer even though it was barely 1pm. Feeling like crap I flicked through the TV channels going past news channels, gossip shows and sports channels before I settled on MTV. Draining the rest of my beer, I threw the can in the bin and left the TV on turning it up so the voice of The Script and their song nothing could be heard throughout the flat.

Stripping off I took a shower, taking my time under the hot spray until the water went cold. Still taking my time I dressed in a pair of khaki shorts and a short sleeved white top. I looked round my bedroom, with nothing better to do I got another beer and cleaned out my room.

At about 5pm I was done, throwing my sheets in the wash I sat myself down on the sofa and flicked though the TV channels again. This time I went past my favourite movie, Grease it was at the start of Summer Lovin' as the actors sang through the number I hummed along tapping my foot to the beat.

Soon I was signing along to the chorus, as the song came to an end I threw my arms out signing the words "summer niiiiights!" as I watched the film I sang along to each song jumping up as Greased Lightning came on, dancing along as well.

So by the time the last song came on I was so immersed in the film that I didn't hear the front door opening. Belting out the last line of the song and throwing my arms out I heard clapping behind me.

"Encore!" called out a male voice, spinning round I saw Edward standing only a few steps away, smiling as he stopped clapping. As I spun round I slipped off the couch, my right foot sliding off the edge as I fell to the floor. My head narrowly missed the coffee table, throwing out my right arm my head was protected as I hit the floor. However my left knee hit the floor hard, as bursts of pain shot up my leg I let out a string of curses. Edward ran to my side the smile fading from his face as he helped me sit up on the sofa my knee throbbing as I sat up.

"Are you alright?" his brow scrunched his mouth set in a frown as he looked with concern for me.

"Fuck no, what are you doing here?"

"I thought you would be at work, so I used the spare key to get in. I just wanted the Muse CD's I left here, why aren't you at work?" his expression turned quizzical as he raised an eyebrow and sat next to me.

"It doesn't matter" he dropped his eyebrow and ran a hand through his permanently messy hair. Moving to make myself more comfortable, a twinge of pain flared up in my knee, seeing me flinch his eyes narrowed at me, his expression turning concerned once more.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing I'm fine" I tried to wave him off but he persisted.

"What hurts?" sighing I crossed my arms.

"Just my knee"

"Let me take a look" he demanded.

"I always thought you were a music teacher not a doctor, silly me" I retorted sarcastically as I pointed to my knee. He reached out and positioned us so my foot was in his lap, his fingers gently touching my knee. His hands were cold and rough from years of guitar playing, but he was gentle as his finger looked for a tender spot. His hands on me did odd things to my body, tingles went down my spine, that was until his hand pushed again a tender spot just to the side of my knee.

Leaning forward I let out another set of curses this time aimed at Edward. "What the hell, man?"

"It's a little swollen, stay here I'll get you some ice to put on it" with care he stood up and placed my foot back on the sofa. Turning my head as he walked into the kitchen, I watched silently as he got a tea towel and some ice, wrapping the ice with the towel. I watched the way he walked round my kitchen knowing exactly where everything was, his movements quick and sure. He walked back to me with the ice inside the tea towel, taking up his previous position he placed the ice on my knee.

Looking down he didn't let go of me as he held the ice to my knee carefully making sure not to apply too much pressure.

"Feel any better?" he looked at me a smile forming on his face. I nodded as he moved slightly his fingers brushing against the side of my leg, making me incredibly aware of how close we were sitting. He looked away at the television as the credits rolled across the screen.

"I knew you liked Grease but I didn't realise you knew all of the dance moves, that last one was very interesting though, did you improvise?" he chuckled teasingly "didn't go so well for you did it?" he looked down at my knee in his lap pointedly.

"shut up!" I slapped his shoulder but could stop the grin that spread across my face. "this is your damn fault, you scared the shit out of me" I moved my hand to take the ice from him, he handed it over his hand lingering on mine for longer than was necessary.

"well, I'm sorry you got hurt" his sincere and quiet as he made no effort to move away from me. A lock of hair fell across his bright green eyes as they locked with my own, without thinking about it I reached over and pushed it out of his eyes. My hand lingered on his forehead as we looked at each silently, I slowly dropped my hand after a few seconds of silence.

He leaned forward slightly stopping when our lips were close enough to touch if I took the final step. He hesitated though, that was when I decided to take control because I really wanted his lips on mine again. Removing the ice from my knee and his relenting grip, I dropped it on to the coffee table then sliding my hand up his arm to rest on the nape of his neck I pressed my lips against his. As our lips met he responded immediately his hands finding their way to my hips as his eyes fluttered closed.

His lips moved against mine with more passion, my other hand went to the back of his neck tugging lightly at his silken locks, he moaned into my mouth and it was one of the sexist sound I've ever heard. He gripped my hips tighter as our chest were now pressed against each other, my leg wrapped round his. Gently pushing him back he obliged so he was now lying on his back underneath me, his hands still on my hips moved upwards taking my shirt off in one swift movement. Breaking the kiss to pull it over my head, he grinned at seeing my torso exposed. Feeling his hands all over my chest exploring made me want his hands on a particular part of my body.

We were moving so fast I barely had any time to think about what I was really doing. All I knew was that I wanted this, wanted him so bad.

At this point my pants were feeling very tight as his hands roamed lower never breaking our kiss as I undid the buttons on his shirt rapidly. As soon as he was free of the shirt I trailed my hands up his naked chest, brushing against his nipples with the pads of my thumbs. He moaned in pleasure arching his back into my touch, loving to hear the sounds he made I flicked his nipples earning another sexy groan that went straight to my dick. He must have felt my cock twitch for he began to grind against me, it felt so good I felt like I was going come on the spot.

"Jake" he moaned out as I trailed kisses down his neck and chest, taking a nipple in my mouth and swirling my tongue round it. Moving my hands down his abs and to the top of his jeans, he squirmed underneath me trying to get me to move faster, but I wanted to savour each moment.

Laying kisses down his torso till I reach the top of his jeans, I slowly pulled down the zipper when I had his jeans off I saw how his boxers tented with his massive erection. Hooking my fingers underneath the waistband of his boxers I quickly pulled them of wanting to see all of his body, Edward looked at me with heavy lidded eyes watching how I stared at his body.

Wrapping my hand round his dick and slowly pumping my hand up and down his shaft, he let out more wanton moans and started to move his hips in time with my movements. Leaning forward I licked the head of his cock and he gripped the arm of the sofa tightly, I loved seeing the usually so composed Edward losing control under my touch.

Keeping my eyes on Edward I put my lips on the top of his dick slowly sinking my mouth over the rest of his hard member, he gripped the sofa tightly his eyes closed his hair even messier than it normally was. His hand found its way to my head, as my mouth sank lower over his gloriously delicious dick.

Continuing my movements I reached down and undid the buttons on my shorts, not bothering to pull them down but reaching inside and wrapping my hand round my own aching cock. Sliding my hand up and down my own cock I speeded up my movements on Edward, hollowing out my cheeks and taking him in far enough that his cock touched the back of my throat.

"Fuck, I...I think I'm gonna come!" I was close to the edge as well and began pumping my dick faster, increasing my pace as I sucked harder on him. The hand in my hair tightened, in a way that almost hurt but added to the pleasure. As his orgasm came his face was beautiful, his eyes rolled back, his lips parting as a cry of pleasure left his mouth. He came hard, spurts of his cum in my mouth, as I came all over my hand, swallowing each bit of cum.

His eyes were closed as he breathed heavily coming down from his high, a crooked smile on his face as he lay sated on the couch. Grabbing my shirt from where he dropped it I wiped off the remainder of cum, from my hand and from Edward, his eyes opening to look at me silently the smile no longer his face.

"Shit!" he sat up abruptly and looked for his clothes, as he picked up his jeans and shirt I did up the zip on my shirts not bothering with the stained shirt. He didn't look at me, he looked at the floor, the clock, the sofa everywhere but not at me. Without another word he buttoned up his shirt rapidly, unaware some were done up wrong making him seem more scruffy. Running his hands through his hair he walked to the door, opening it and pausing for a moment as I called out his name softly.

"Edward" his shoulders tensed, his hand gripping the door handle.

"This shouldn't have happened"

"But it did" he was silent for moment.

"I am engaged to Bella, we should forget this ever happened" he left shutting the door with more force than was necessary. I stood there for a while not believing what just happened, how could I have let it get that far?

Striding into the kitchen, I got a bottle of whisky and poured three fingers of it into the first cup I picked up and promptly took a deep swig of the amber coloured liquid relishing the burn at the back of my throat. Leah chooses that moment to walk in a bewildered expression on her face.

"Hi Jake, I just saw Edward leaving is he alright? He looked really...angry, did something happen?" taking a smaller sip this time I shook my head, she raised an eyebrow but waited for me to speak.

"Nothing happened" I heard the bitterness in my voice but if she noticed she said nothing about it. Draining the last of my drink, I sighed and poured myself another drink Leah looked away hanging up her coat and taking off her heels.

"Well whatever happens, I hope it's something that can be easily solved" with that she walked into her room quietly closing the door behind her.

"I hope" talking to myself I sighed heavily, sitting at the table and putting my head in my hands.

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><p><strong>AN: now we're getting somewhere, so what do you all think? In the next chapter I'm going back to Edwards's point of view, I'd like to know which you prefer as I want to stay with one person's view.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**A/N: hiya guys! Glad you all like****d the lemon in the last chapter, it was my first ever so it's good to know that you liked it.**

**Now prepare for a bucket load of angst and try not to hate Edward too much, he has his reasons for acting the way he did.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 5 - I see you standing there, but you're already gone<strong>

**Edward POV**

An hour later and I was at home attempting to come up with a lesson plan for tomorrow but I could not focus, after ten more minutes I went into the kitchen. Opening the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water, I opened the bottle taking a deep gulp, but wanting something stronger. Closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose I sighed, leaning against the counter top.

I had changed and had a shower when I got back but it didn't wash away any of the things I did with Jacob. I could remember quite vividly how his lips felt on mine, dominating and passionate at the same time. Shaking my head as an image of us sprawled out on his couch came to my mind, as I thought about what he could do with his lips.

Hearing my mobile phone ring I walked back into the living room picking it up from the dining room table. I looked at the screen and saw it was Jacob, ignoring the call I mentally berated myself. A kiss, fair enough when Jacob was too drunk to remember, it could easily be dismissed as a mistake. But kissing him again, twice, then...what happened at his apartment.

I was confused even more so now that we had gotten so...intimate. Did I want more from him? A part of me hated myself for running away, another part reminded me I was engaged, to Bella, my girlfriend of two years. As my phone rang again I looked at the caller ID ready to ignore it when I saw that it was Bella.

"Hi Bella, what's up?" I could hear the forced lightness in my voice as I acted like everything was fine.

"I was talking to Esme and we have a date for the engagement party, it will be this Saturday"

"That's only three days away"

"Yeah, but why wait? We'll be married in less than three months' time" sitting down I started to put my work away as I listened to Bella go on about the 'amazing' menu my mother had put together for the party.

"That sounds good, as long as your happy my love"

"I am, okay I have to go but don't forget about the dinner with my parents tomorrow" I internally groaned, I had met her parents on many occasions before we got engaged, but it was always quite uncomfortable. Charlie hated my guts, for no reason I could fathom other than I wasn't good enough for his daughter. Although it could have something to do with my history of speeding, that I am sure he looked at. As a police chief I also suspected he wouldn't hesitate to get his gun on me if I ever hurt Bella.

It wasn't that Renee hated me either, it was that she was completely indifferent towards me. So you could say I wasn't really looking forward to the dinner I had agreed to two days before hand.

"I wouldn't miss it for anything"

"Great, see you tomorrow, love you"

"Love you too" dropping the phone on the table, I rubbed my temples as I felt the start of a headache come on.

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><p>Three days later I pulled up to my parents' house with Bella in the car with me. She wore a white blouse with short sleeves tucked into a deep purple coloured high waisted A-line shirt ending just above her knees, black heels and minimal jewelry. With dark brown eyeliner and pale pink lips, her hair was carefully styled into her usual loose waves, the top part neatly pinned back.<p>

Getting out of the car we walked into my parents' mansion hand in hand. We were greeted by my mother, who hugged both of us rather enthusiastically and then ushering us into the living room. My parents were extremely well off and so their mansion was huge with a living room the size of my whole apartment, I always felt uncomfortable when coming back home not because of my parents but of the wealth they owned.

As a kid I had not liked it either, the society and country club was not for me so when I was 18, I choose not to become a doctor like my father but go into music instead. My parents had disapproved at first but they came round soon after realising it was I wanted, so I went to an arts college rather than medical school.

It wasn't until my music career didn't really take off that I decided to go into teaching. It was when I volunteered to play for some kids in the hospital that my father worked at, that I saw how brilliant it was interacting with these children.

Everything that I own I've had to work for, my car and my apartment all come from the small paycheck I get for teaching. I wouldn't trade my job for anything but I can't help but feel like a reluctant kid forced into his Sunday best when his aunt comes over, when I am reminded of the enormity of my parents' wealth.

Many of the guests that Bella and my mother invited were already here, I knew most of their faces but some people were unrecognizable to me. Bella steered me towards of side of the room where her parents were, they had drinks in their hands and they were politely conversing with my father, Renee kept looking around clearly impressed by the expensive decor of my childhood home. In the massive living room a long rectangular table had been set up, a white table cloth over the top. It looked like there were about twenty people already here, music was quietly being played through the house, it was some jazz music that my parents liked.

Chatting to my future in laws I was not paying much attention as I was bored out of my mind. Hooking a finger under the top of my tie I loosened it slightly and took off my suit jacket, hanging it on the back of my chair. More people arrived, most of them members of the country club and friends of my parents.

It was after half an hour of mindless chatter that Leah and her date arrived, followed by Jacob. He wore a light grey suit, with a plain light pink shirt, with no tie the top couple of buttons on his shirt were undone. Giving the impression that he had casually thrown on whatever he found, I had hardly ever seen in a suit other than the one he wore for work and so seeing him out of his t-shirts and jeans was something new. He looked really good as he ran a hand through his hair in a nervous gesture, laughing at something Leah said to him.

For a moment I forgot myself and smiled at him as his eyes swept round the room and saw me standing by Bella. He looked a little taken aback at my smile, then I remembered why that was and stopped smiling turning back to Bella.

"Edward?" said Bella bringing my focus back onto her.

"Yes?"

"I _was_ asking you if you had chosen your best man"

"Yeah, it's Jacob" she nodded then went back to the conversation with Renee on the pro and cons of having a train on her wedding dress. Leah came up to us with her date and Jacob with her, greeting each of us with a brief hug or handshake, she then turned to the guy she was with.

"This is my...boyfriend Jared" smiling nervously he shook our hands, I could tell he was clearly quite intimidated by the spectacle that was my parents' house. Although wonderful people they had very expensive taste, it wasn't overly flashy but tasteful due to my mother's love of interior design which led to the company she currently owned.

"Nice to meet you Jared, we've all heard many things about you" Bella smiled as Leah took his hand and brought it to her lips laying a quick kiss on the back of his hand, he smiled genuinely at her as he relaxed his shoulders and looked back at Bella to respond to her statement.

"All good things I hope?" she nodded and he squeezed her hand lightly. Jacob greeted my father and Bella's parents with brief handshakes, giving Bella a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Pulling away from her he turned his head to look at me, giving me a curt nod and a tight lipped smile before looking away from me. At that point Emmett and Rosalie arrived, she looked flushed and Emmett's hair was a mess, he attempted to smooth it down but it barely made any difference. Jacob nodded at Rose and she nodded back going to Bella and giving her a brief hug, Jacob gave Emmett a handshake.

"Sorry we're late we got…er…delayed" it was fairly obvious what happened, but my dad just hugged him and his daughter in law. Rose tried not to laugh by pressing her lips together, but when he turned his head and winked at her suggestively a small snigger left her lips.

"Talking about delayed, where is Jasper and Alice?"

"I don't know Alice said that they would be late but she didn't say why" at that point Bella's phone rang, extracting it from her handbag she flipped it open.

"Speak of the devil" answering the call she listened to Alice on the other end of the line. Hanging up after a minute she was about to open her mouth to speak, but then my mother walked into tell us that dinner was ready. We all took our seats as the food was served and the wine started to flow.

Halfway into the main course Jasper and Alice arrived, he sat down in between Jacob and Bella and Alice sat in between Leah and Rosalie. They looked away from each other immediately engaging in conversation without an explanation for their lateness, Jasper gratefully took the glass of wine Emmett offered him, drinking it down in two deep gulps. Alice raised her eyebrow and then looked away when he looked in her direction, he huffed and poured himself more wine drinking it slower this time. Emmett raised an eyebrow at me looking to Jasper than Alice

A little over half an hour later when all of the plates and food were cleared away, my parents stood up and walked towards me and Bella. When they were stood next to us me and Bella turned in our seats to face them. My father took out a crisp white envelope from his inner jacket pocket, handing it to me with a smile.

"It's a pre wedding gift from me and your mother" I raised an eyebrow and looked at Bella, she smiled at motioned for me to open it. Flipping it over I saw that it wasn't sealed, reaching in I pulled out a check for me and Bella.

"Whoa, $40,000, that is…we can't accept that Esme"

"Nonsense, put it towards the wedding and your honeymoon, any leftover you can put towards a house"

"Mom"

"Edward, I know you the freedom from earning your own money and you've never asked us for anything. So let us do this for you dear" I sighed in defeat and Bella jumped up and hugged my parents kissing their cheeks.

"Thank you for this"

"It's nothing" she shrugged smiling and kissing my forehead before returning to her seat with dad. At that point Emmett stood raising his glass as he did so.

"To Edward and Bella's future happiness!" he boomed grinning widely at us, all of the guests echoed his words then drank to our good health. Bella leaned over placing her hand on my knee smiling as she kissed me on the lips, I kissed her and as she pulled back I saw Jacob drain his drink and pour another one immediately after.

* * *

><p>As the drinks flowed and the music started up again, my father twirled my mother onto the space cleared for dancing, the table put away. The chairs along one side of the room, as more people danced and drank and laughed. Feeling hot I stepped outside into the garden, taking off my tie and rolling up my sleeves I saw Jacob a little way ahead of my sitting on the garden bench. Hearing my footsteps he turned his head round, he had a cigarette between his lips and a glass of whisky in his left hand. Taking a puff from the cigarette he removed from his mouth and took the last sip of his drink, before dropping the cigarette into the empty glass and standing up. As made to walk away from me I took a few more steps towards him, effectively blocking his path.<p>

"Jacob" he sighed and took a step to the side, walking past me. "Jacob" he stopped and looked up at me his eyes narrowing his lips turned down in a scowl.

"What?" hearing the hurt in his voice, I felt ashamed for ignoring him for the past three days.

"I'm sorry" he looked taken aback but then composed his features into calm indifference.

"What for?"

"For what happened on Wednesday" he nodded taking a step towards me.

"You made it quite clear it meant…_nothing_"

"We just got…carried away, it _didn't_ mean anything"

"Are you sure about that, Edward?"

"I…don't…I don't know" I whispered the last part and he kept his eyes on me, silence falling on us for a moment before Jacob spoke again.

"It _always_ means something, maybe not to you. But it means _something_" his voice turned icy as he threw my own words back at me.

"_Jacob_" I called out as he started to walk away.

"What, what do you want from me?" I didn't know what to say so I fell silent. "Unless it wasn't obvious enough I _can't_ be your best man, so do me a favour and…just leave me _alone_" I didn't stop him from leaving this time, I just watched as he walked away, remaining rooted to the spot until he was well out of sight. I groaned out loud, when did everything get so complicated?

Watching him leave I shook my head, then followed him inside jogging to catch up with him. Calling out to him he ignored me and walked back into the living room and went to Leah where she was dancing with Jared. She tried to pull away but he grabbed her by her hand and spun her towards him, she laughed as he kissed the side of her neck but then she batted him away when Jacob approached her. After a few words were exchanged she hugged him and then he left, not really knowing what I was doing I followed him outside where he strode to his car.

"Jacob, stop" his hand froze on the door handle and I jogged towards him as he turned to face me a frustrated look on his face.

"What it is now, haven't you said enough?" he crossed his arms across his chest and started to turn away again.

"I don't want us to fall out because of this, we've been friends for too long to let this get in the way" he nodded his head and looked back at me still furious at me.

"What exactly is 'this' huh? We kiss and it's nothing, it's not an issue in fact you initiate it but it goes a little further and you just…run away"

"Well, er…" I hesitated and he shook his head.

"If it didn't mean anything it never would have happened in the first place. So like I said unfortunate as it is you'll need a new best man, probably one you don't want to be making out with" I reached out and touched his shoulder as he turned away and he stiffened under my touch.

"Jacob please I just want us t-" without any warning he swung back his right arm and punched me in the face my left eye bore the brunt of his fist and I staggered back as he got into his car. His jaw set he drove off fast not giving me another look as I fell on the floor.

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><p><strong>AN: sorry for the lateness of this chapter I have my exams on at the moment so I decided to bang this out while I had a day off, I should be studying but here I am! :P **

**Until next time thank you all for reading.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own any or the charters, plots or anything related to Twilight, but I do own a Robert Pattinson calendar! Unfortunately it's not quite the same thing.**

**A/N: hi everyone, well my exams are all over, woo hoo! Thanks for the lovely comments you guys all rock, well I should be able to update more frequently and I may post another chapter to one of my other stories 'Let the Flames Begin'. **

**I will now shamelessly pimp out this story, please check it out if you get a chance and maybe leave me some love, because I have a bit of block as what to do next to progress the story line.**

**Anyhow, back to our boys Jacob and Edward, I'm really glad to hear you liked Jacob's grand exit. I think he deserved it, hence why I wrote it in :P **

**There will be quite a few time jumps in this chapter but it's that way otherwise it would drag on, enjoy guys!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Six - Doing things my way<strong>

**Edward POV**

Watching as he sped off, I put my hand to my eye gingerly, cursing when my eye throbbed painfully. Walking back to the house, I decided to go round the back to avoid the questioning I would get if anyone saw my eye, plus I needed to think up a plausible excuse. Going round the side of the house by the side gate and quietly making my way into the kitchen, the side of my face started to throb painfully. Thankfully I didn't bump into anyone as they were all in the living room where gentle music was being played, my parents did not want it to be too formal as they knew I would hate it. So I could hear the sound of Nora Jones voice flowing out throughout the house's ground floor.

Pouring myself a soda I grabbed a pack of frozen peas as I couldn't find any ice, sitting at one of the stools round the island counter I applied the pack to the side of my face, sighing in relief as the pain receded slightly. I sat with my back to the door and took small sips of my soda racking my brains for an excuse as to what happened to my eye. Barely two minutes later Bella walked in, I heard the clicking of her heels before she walked so I dropped the frozen peas on the counter.

"I've been looking for you honey" turning my body so she could only see my right side, I lifted my left hand to my forehead blocking her view of the side of my face. She smiled at me as she took a step towards me, I turned my body round to try and conceal my face and it wasn't until she was standing in front at me and was aware of the less than enthusiastic reception from me.

"Well here I am"

"Hmm, people are starting to leave we need to go and thank them for coming" I shook my head then took a sip of my drink before looking back at her.

"It's my parents' party, they'll be fine" her eyebrows furrowed momentarily, then her eyes took in the awkward position I was currently sitting in.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes I'm fine" I looked away again, picking up my glass and swirling the rest of the liquid, the ice cubes clanking amongst the side of the tumbler. She took another step towards me placing her hand under my chin so my gaze was redirected to her. Her hand moved to the hand I had over my left eye, sighing I let her take my hand away from my face.

"Edward what happened?" her voice was shocked as looked at the counter and the frozen peas. Shaking her head she took the peas that were still cold and tenderly applied it to my face, her lips turned down into a disapproving frown as she waited for me to explain.

"I walked into a door" she raised an eyebrow, her lips turned down into a skeptical look but she said nothing instead she lifted the pack and took another look. "I'll be fine; it's not as bad as it looks"

"Maybe I should get Carlisle"

"No" my answer was abrupt and her eyebrows scrunched at the center in concern "it's nothing, no need to bother him"

"If you're sure"

"I'm fine" her lipped turned down she was silent for a moment, reaching out I took her hand in mine. Giving her hand a light squeeze, I brought her hand to my lips and laid a small kiss on the back of her hand.

"Normally it's me falling over and hurting myself with you taking care of me" her lips twitched as she tried not to smile, her hand in mine I intertwined our fingers looking at my watch briefly.

"Well there is always a first for everything" she nodded in agreement.

"Honey, most of the guests will be gone now. So let's leave too, I may have a treat for you back at my apartment...if you're up for it" she trailed a finger down my chest stopping at the top of my trousers, a flirty smile on her face as she took the pack off my face and put it away. She was about to walk away from me, but standing up and grabbing her by the waist I spun her round pulling her towards me so she was pressed against me. Removing a hand from her waist I leaned down and kissed her placing my hand on the nape of her neck.

She kissed me back softly, her hands finding their way intertwined in my hair. Wanting something more passionate I nibbled her bottom lip slightly and she moaned holding me tighter to her small body. After a moment she broke away, kissing me quickly and smiling before letting go of me.

"We can continue this when we get home"

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

"Edward! It's okay, it happens sometimes" feeling very disgruntled I got out of bed to go get my clothes. Bella frowned but she had a look of pity on her face, she was only trying to help but it just made me feel worse. Coming back from my parents we had almost ripped our clothes off as soon as we got into her apartment. That is until we had a little problem.

"Honey please talk to me" she stood up and walked to her cupboard pulling out a dressing gown and wrapping it round her as she continued to look at me. Sighing I sat on the end of her bed looking away from Bella and leaning forwards with my head in my hands. She walked round the room picking up her scattered clothes and putting them away whilst I brooded in angry silence, when she was done Bella sat next to me.

Awkwardly patting my shoulder I refused to look at her mortified as I was at what had just happened, after what felt like hours but could only have been two minutes Bella's home phone rang. Without a word to me she walked into the living to answer the call, shooting me a quick glance before she left the room.

* * *

><p><strong>Jacob POV<strong>

Creeping into my apartment at ten in the morning, I made it to my bedroom door and was just about sneak inside when Leah's door swung open showing a very disgruntled Leah, her arms crossed over her chest and lips turned down into a scowl.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"I've been here" I said in an incredulous tone, not really wanting to have this conversation, but wanting to get into my bed and sleep off my massive hangover.

"Right" she spoke in an overly sarcastic tone, uncrossing her arms and placing them on her hips. "That's why your still wearing the same clothes as night, only your socks are missing and your shirt is done up all wrong" arching an eyebrow at me she leaned against the doorframe ready to hear my excuse.

"So I went out what your problem?"

"My problem? Man you are so self-centered, you bailed on your best friend knowing how he felt about the party at his parents' house" she shook her head in a disapproving manner "You said you weren't feeling well, but I guess you were well enough to go and get absolutely smashed"

"Well I am sorry if I wasn't up to smiling and pretending everything is alright. Because it's not fucking alright, okay? All of my friends with their partners, happy and having a great time, while I am on my own!" raising my voice I started to get really wound up, how dare she lecture me? Especially when she went through the exact thing, when Sam broke up with her over a year ago.

"Poor you, because you never saw it coming" her voice was heavily sarcastic again and I raised my eyebrows at her.

"What do you mean?" she dropped the scowl from her face and shook her head.

"You two were always fighting, you could never agree on anything. It would never had worked out…we all knew that" when the last part left her lips her hand flew to her mouth, her eyes widening. "I didn't mean that, Jake" shaking my head, I opened my bedroom door.

"But you did mean it, you never say things you don't mean Leah, that's just you" running my hand through my hair, I looked away. "So what? Were you all talking about it behind my back? My inability to have a proper relationship" she shook her head.

"No Jake we are just concerned for you, but maybe it is better this way, because he wasn't good enough for you"

"If you thought this then why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you were so in love with him"

"Stupid me, eh?" she shook her head again and opened her mouth to speak but I turned away and walked into my room, shutting the door behind me.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

The next day as I was scouring the job lists I sighed and leaned back in my chair, any jobs available were car sales men and I hated selling cars. I wanted to be more involved with the mechanical part of cars but I didn't have the qualifications needed. I had taught myself quite a bit when I was younger, from books mainly but it wasn't enough most employers looked for qualifications from college, not being able to read DIY books. Closing my laptop, I glanced at my watch and decided to go get some lunch, Leah had left earlier for work while I had remained in my room childishly not speaking to her.

Taking a look out of the window, it looking fairly sunny so I pulled on a pair of khaki shorts and a white rolling stones tee. Slipping on a pair of flip flops and taking my phone wallet and keys I stuffed them into my pockets as I left, walking out into the sunshine I made my way to a nearby café that was a favourite of mine. Not paying attention to where I was walking I bumped into someone. I staggered back slightly as did the man I walked into, looking at him to apologize I recognized him when he too looked at me.

"Riley? I'm sorry for bumping into you are you okay?"

"I'm fine; it's nice to see you after other day are you alright?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" I frowned in confusion at him.

"Your friend Edward said you weren't feeling too good, so you took off" I nodded dismissing any thoughts of Edward as they always led back to that day at my apartment and try as I might I could not get it out of my head.

"Well, I'm okay now. Um…how about I buy you a coffee and maybe some lunch, as way of an apology?" he smiled and nodded.

"I'd like that"

**A week later…**

"Come on Riley, we're going to be late for Alice's show!" I heard the door of the cabinet in the bathroom shutting and then the bathroom door opened, with Riley tweaking his hair as he got his coat from the armchair in his bedroom. I was sat on his bed leaning back and rolling my eyes at what a girl he was being.

"Just one minute, okay?" sighing I stood up and walked over to where he was pulling on his jacket, grabbing him by the shoulders I spun him round so we were chest to chest. Leaning down I kissed him on the lips, he moved his lips along with mine his hands going to my hips and pulling me closer. As he was really getting into it, I pulled away grinning when he moaned.

"We're going to be late, I'll see you in the car" kissing him one more time, I walked away and went to go start the car.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

As we went to find out seats the first person I saw was Edward, he was already in his seat next to Bella and looked as if he was about to stand, but he rethought that idea and sat down again. We approached my friends who all greeted us enthusiastically; Bella literally jumped up out of her seat and hugged me tightly.

"So you're Riley? It's nice to meet you" she held out her hand smiling at him and me broadly.

"Nice to meet you too" the lights dimmed as the music started up and we all sat down, somehow with me ending up next to Edward. The spotlight illuminated the stage and the dancers, made their way onto the stage I immediately identified Alice by her shock of short black hair. Watching the show progress, I was increasingly aware of Edward's knee next to mine. Reached to my left and held Riley's hand, he squeezed my hand lightly and smiled me, smiling back I looked away from Edward and back to the stage.

* * *

><p><strong>Edward POV<strong>

Looking away from the show for a moment I couldn't help but glance over at Jacob, he held Riley's hand and for some reason I did not like it. I didn't have any right not to like it, but I didn't. For a moment he looked in my direction, our eyes locked and for a moment I really wanted to kiss him. But then he looked away and the moment was gone, sighing I turned my attention back to the show not really seeing the show.

During the intermission, halfway through the show we waited for Alice to exit the dressing room and Jacob went outside for a smoke, then for some reason I followed him.

"Edward where are you going?"

"I'll be back in a minute, I just need to make a phone call" Bella nodded and turned back to Rosalie to continue their conversation. I lost sight of him for a moment so when I got outside I didn't see where he went.

"Looking for someone?" turning my head to the left where his voice came from, I saw him leaning against the wall as he lit a cigarette, taking a deep pull from it he looked at me eyebrows raised curiously.

"Not really" was apparently the best I could come up with. There was a heavy silence between us as he continued to smoke, not once looking in my direction and I stood there with my hands in my pockets, forgetting the reason I followed him. "I'm sorry" I blurted without thinking properly.

"You seem to be apologizing a lot Edward" he looked at me for the first time since we got outside.

"I'm sorry" he grunted and flicked the cigarette butt on the ground, and pushed himself off the wall.

"Well fun as this conversation is, I think Alice's show will be starting again" he turned away from me and I thought of riley back inside there.

"I thought you didn't like him" he stopped and turned back to me with a puzzled look.

"Who?"

"Riley, I thought you weren't that into him" for some reason, he looked angry at those words.

"What I do is _none_ of your business"

"But I'm your friend, so it _is_ my business" he shook his head.

"No you're _not_, I think it's fairly obvious we _can't_ be friends" he was about to turn away again when I reached out and grabbed his arm, for a moment I thought he might punch me again but he didn't. He did however give me a look that gave new meaning to the phrase 'if looks could kill'.

"I think I may have made a mistake"

"Well that was fairly obvious when you ignored me for three days, but when did you realize it was a mistake?"

"I don't mean that…I think…I think the mistake was telling you it meant nothing"

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><p><strong>AN: sorry for the cliffhanger but I felt it had to end there, I'm going away for the weekend to Amsterdam so when I get back in a couple of days, I shall start the next chapter.**

**See you later guys have a nice weekend!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I own none of the Twilight characters or anything related to Twilight.**

**A/N: hi guys, I know you're all hating on Edward at the moment so sorry about that, I think there may be a climactic moment right here. You'll just have to read to and see!**

**The title of this chapter is Latin, it means 'lovers are lunatics' I thought it went well with what happens here.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Seven – amantes sunt amentes<strong>

**Jacob POV**

I stared at him in shock, not believing what he had just said he looked at me with his eyebrows furrowed and his lips turned down in a contrite frown. When I didn't immediately respond he looked down and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"You made a mistake?" he looked up his bright greens eyes, gazing at me as he just nodded once. "and you're telling me this now"

"I was confused" at that moment Emmett walked out and looked around, seeing us a few feet away he nodded to himself and walked towards us, Edward closed his mouth stopping whatever he was about to say next.

"Hey guys, the show is about to start again"

"Give us a minute, we'll be back inside soon" he responded before I had a chance to, his brother nonchalantly shrugged and walked away from us. He looked back at me, his lips pressed together in a thin line before he spoke to me again.

"Can we just talk about this...please?" his voice sounded very strained as he ran a hand through his messy hair.

"I don't know why I should"

"Please Jake, just come round to my apartment after the show and let me explain" I shot him a frosty glare crossing my arms over my chest. "If you still don't want to talk to me, you can leave"

"Whatever, I'm only giving you five minutes of my time. I have plans for tonight"

"With Riley?"

"Yes, not that it is any of your business" turning away I strode back inside, slipping into my seat just as the music started up again. Riley just smiled and looked back to stage as I sat down, a quick glance to my right established that Edward was seated as well and so I looked back to the stage. The whole time I kept my eyes glued to the stage, not because of the show but rather so I wasn't tempted to...look elsewhere.

An hour later we all left going our separate ways, turning to Riley I placed my hand on his shoulder as we approached his car.

"Hey I have some things to do, so how bout I meet you at the movies, I won't be long"

"Sure, see you" he kissed me on the mouth lightly and I smiled at him not because of the kiss, but because Edward walked by at that moment. As horrible as it was, I grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him back for a longer, deeper kiss breaking away he shook his head still smiling as he got in his car. Getting into my own car I pulled out of the parking lot, with a sigh willing for this day to be over.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

Knocking on his front door I put my hands in my pockets, as I waited for him to answer the door. When he did, he had pulled off the sweater he had been wearing earlier, showing a plain white tee that clung to his chest showing his toned torso. Then he ruined the image it by opening his mouth.

"Managed to remove your tongue from Riley's mouth, I see" he commented dryly as I walked inside his apartment. Rolling my eyes I went to the kitchen and helped myself to a bottle of beer, I pulled the top off as I walked back into the living room. Taking a deep swig of my drink I looked at Edward, raising my eyebrows as he sat on the dark brown couch pushed against a wall to make room for his upright piano, guitar, bass and other bits and pieces.

"well you wanted to explain, so go ahead...unless you want to pry into my life even more?" he looked at me with an unfathomable expression, I simply leaned against the wall as far away from him as possible, trying to look nonplussed and probably failing miserably.

"Like I said before I was confused, I still am confused. I've never felt an attraction to any other...men before, you know that" he looked down at his lap, as he ran a hand through his hair making it more dishevelled.

"So that's your excuse for ignoring me? That wasn't a waste of my time, at all." Sipping my beer I pushed myself off the wall and took a few steps towards the door, when he shot up off the sofa and stood in front of me.

"Wait...I, I did want to kiss you and so I did. I don't regret that, it's just after what happened at your place I got scared and so I had to get away and clear my head. I needed to think straight...and I couldn't do that with you around" he paused for a moment and I took another gulp of my drink, feeling slightly uncomfortable as he was now standing fairly close to me.

"I panicked when I started thinking about Bella, so I choose to ignore you...but you were on my mind all the time"

"Should I feel good about that?"

"No...but you should know that I felt like such an idiot, when I saw how you reacted after you saw me at the party. I knew then I had hurt you, I just didn't know how to fix it" draining my beer I walked away throwing the bottle in the kitchen bin, hearing him sigh as I walked away. Walking back into the living room, we were both quiet as I walked towards him stopping when I was a few feet away from him.

"So...what now?" I said being the first one to break the silence.

"I don't know" he sighed deeply, running his hand through his hair again "can we just go back to being friends?" he looked exasperated and I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for him.

"Yeah, we can be friends" smiling at him I held out my hand. He took my hand and shook it stiffly, laughing at how stiff he was I pulled him closer and hugged him. He hugged me back briefly before pulling away, we looked at each other for a moment. Looking at his left eye it had healed well, apart from some light bruising and a small cut on the side of his face, cringing at what I had done I took a step back.

"I'm sorry about that" I said motioning to his eye.

"It's nothing more than what I deserve" he shrugged off my apology with an offhand casualness.

"Well I should go" I made no move to step back as he took a step towards me, so he was very close to me.

"Yeah...or you could stay for a while"

"I guess, I could" all logical thought went out of the window when he took another step towards me so our chests were almost touching. Before I realised what was happening we were frantically kissing his hands all over my body as I pushed him back so his back was pressed up against the door. He moaned loudly as I ran my hands over his torso and slightly lower and I swear that sound alone made me hard.

"Jake" he moaned out as my hands made their way to his hair and tugging lightly. Hearing my name on his lips made me stop as a sense of déjà vu passed over me. Pulling away from him and breaking off the kiss he let out a groan as I moved away from him, so that I could think for a moment.

"Do you know what you're doing?" he pushed himself off the door and approached me a thoughtful expression on his face as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"I know exactly what I am doing,Jake."

"I really don't want a repeat of what happened last time" he shook his head dropping his arms to his sides.

"I know I've been really confused lately but I know I want this, I want you" he put his hands on the sides of my face and kissed my chastely on the lips, pulling back and smiling that crooked grin at me.

"Are you okay?" I nodded and smiled back.

"Now I am" with those words I pressed my lips to his again, my hands going to his shirt and pulling it off eagerly. Not resisting as he pulled me into the bedroom whilst simultaneously undoing the buttons on my shirt and tugging it off, my hands dipped lower grabbing his ass as we tumbled onto his bed. With me underneath him I wasted no time in pulling off his jeans, leaving him in a pair of black briefs straining with his arousal and then pulling off my own jeans as he fumbled with the zip never once breaking off our heated kiss. When all that was separating us was a few thin layers of clothing, I rolled us over so I was now on top. Straddling him I rubbed my erection against his own and I felt like I got even harder when he let out another sexy as fuck groan into my mouth.

I loved being on top and seeing how completely he handed over control to me, as I lowered my lips to his neck laying small kisses all the way occasionally thrusting my hips forward. Next he did something that shocked me, his hand went down my chest and right to my clothed cock. Rubbing me slowly I started to moan loudly as his touch felt so good, inexperienced as he was when it came to being intimate with a man.

"tell me how it feels Jake" his voice was deep and filled with lust as he pulled my boxers down and pumped my cock in slow, languid movements.

"it feels fucking great" was all I could say as he continued his movements and I brought my lips down to his left nipple, remembering how he reacted last time. Biting down on it he cried out in ecstasy his movements stalling as my tongue circled his erect nipple and my hand yanked off his briefs so we were both completely naked. At this point he stopped entirely his lips turning down into a frown, looking up I stopped my movements as well putting my weight on my forearms on either side of his torso.

"What's wrong?"

"nothing...its just as you know, I've only ever been with women so I...I'm not quite sure...um...what to do..." smiling at him he furrowed his eyebrows getting all defensive. "what are you smiling for?" I shook my head.

"it's just you, your always so self assured and in control. Now I'm the one that has to take the lead, its different that's all" his forehead relaxed but his jaw was still tensed, leaned forward I kissed him and he responded right away. His lips parting to let my tongue tangle with his own as his hands moved to my shoulders holding me close to him. When he was more relaxed I tilted my head back slightly, so my lips were still brushing against his when I spoke again.

"just do whatever feels right" in response he thrusted his hips upwards so our dicks rubbed together. I let out a string of curses as I felt some pre cum drip down my cock. His eyes closed as he moaned my name over and over in pure rapture.

"Jake?" he whispered slightly apprehensive.

"yes" his eyes opened as his hands explored the contores of my chest.

"I really want your...um...your mouth on my...er..." smiling I trailed a finger down his chest slowly watching how he squirmed under my touch, stopping just before I got to his massive erection.

"Do you want me here Edward?" he nodded as words failed him and I grinned mischievously as I licked his cock from the base to the head, he swore loudly his eyes glued on me. Taking the head into my mouth I swirled my tongue round, licking up the trickle of pre cum as his fists clenched tightly the bedsheets bunching up in his hands. One of my hands wrapped round the shaft of his cock slowly pumping as I continued to tease the head of his cock with my tongue and my other hand went to his balls gently massaging them as his hips moved in time with my ministrations his eyes fluttering closed.

"fuck Jake, that feels so good" I didn't answer but I moved my hand on his dick faster slowly raking more of him in my mouth. His movement became more frenzied and on his hands went to the back of my head gripping my hair as his breathing sped up and more of those sexy moans and groaned escaped from his parted lips. Releasing his member from my mouth with a pop sound, I pumped him harder and took one of his balls into my mouth tugging lightly as I felt him tense up underneath me. My other hand went down to my own cock which felt like I was about come any second, I matched my movements as I let out a deep groan.

"C'mon Edward, cum for me" and he did almost immediately hot ropes of cum on my hand and his legs, his eyes were heavy lidded as he looked at me with a sated grin. Licked part of his come off my hand whilst keeping my gaze on Edward, he moaned at the sight then passed me a towel. Wiping his cum of with deliberate strokes I felt his cock harden again and saw his gaze drop to my own dick, realising that I hadn't cum.

He smiled at me then flipped me over so I was on my back in front of him, with a quick kiss he lips stayed on mine but his hands wandered down so that he was grasping my aching cock. I swore loudly just at his touch then moaned deeply as he started to move his hand up and down my hard dick picking up his pace as he wrapped his hand round his own cock. I kept my eyes open as his lips went to my ear his teeth grazing against my earlobe seductively.

"Fuck, your touch is amazing" I whispered lustily into his ear as my hands went down to his ass again, squeezing his pert butt. While I felt my body tense up as I felt my oncoming orgasm approach, I cried out his name as my eye rolled back and my hips thrusted into his touch as I came. He moaned my name at the same time and I felt his hot cum against my leg as he collapsed on the bed next to me.

Breathing heavily as we came down from our high he turned his head towards his green eyes bright as he grinned at me, he sat up grabbing the towel and cleaning us off. Chucking the towel in the laundry basket by the door he lay back with his hands behind his hand totally at ease. Sitting up my gaze drifted over Edward's naked body to the clock on the wall.

"Shit!" he looked confused as I jumped up and went searching for my clothes. "I am so late!"

"for what?" finding my boxers and jeans on the floor, I pulled them on as I searched for my shirt.

"I had plans with Riley"

"oh" turning to him as he pulled on his briefs I sat back on the bed with him.

"I made plans with him before, I can't just put my whole life on hold because you and I have an argument"

"okay then" he smiled and stood up, but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back onto the bed. He landed on his back and I ducked my head and gave him a chaste kiss before reaching for my shirt at the end of the bed.

"see ya Ed" he rolled his eyes as he had a dislike for nicknames like 'Ed' or 'Eddie', but he let it slide and stood up picking up his shirt and pulling it on as he walked me to the door.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

Fifteen minutes later and I was shutting my car door as I rushed to the cinema, making it across the street and walking inside I saw him looking at his watch as he sat on a bench in the foyer. He looked up as I got near him, a scowl on his face as he stood up and crossed his arms over his chest.

"the movie started over half an hour ago"

"I know and I'm sorry" I was genuinely sorry because despite whatever had happened with me and Edward, I did like spending time with Riley he was funny and always had a smile on his face. So he was a big change from moody and sarcastic Paul, this was meant to be our first official date even though we went all the way the first night we met. "I really am sorry, I can explain" he shook his head and sighed as he started to pull on his jacket.

"go on then"

"well...er...I was...I got caught in...traffic?" he raised his eyebrows in disbelief before shaking his head again and walking away from me and back outside.

"unbielivable" he muttered to himself as he walked to where his car was parked, I followed him as he walked faster.

"Riley, please let me make this up to you" he ignored me and got into his car thrusting the key into the ignition and attempting to start the car. The engine caught then spluttered and died, he tried again but the same thing happened.

"shit!" he got out of the car and opened the hood peering inside with a frustrated expression. "I have no idea, what I am looking for"

"let me have a look" he looked up at me as if he hadd forgotten I was standing there, sighing he took a step to the side as I looked under the hood. I saw immediately what the promblem was and so I looked back at him, shaking my head.

"you need a new battery, but its late. I'll give you a ride home and I'll sort it out for you in the morning"

"I can call a cab"

"c'mon it's just a lift you don't even have to talk to me, I am really sorry for being late, so please just let me do this for you"he clenched his jaw and then sighed again.

"fine, where is your car?" leading him to where I had parked we were silent the whole time, even as I pulled up to his apartment twenty minutes later.

"well here we are" he nodded and got out of the car, pausing before he walked away as I called out his name. "I'll need your car keys, so I can...er...have a look" he pulled out his keys from his inside jacket pocket and then he handed then to me, our hands brushing slightly as he did so.

"Goodnight"

"Goodnight Jacob" he then walked away without looking back at me, sighing I started my car and drove home my thoughts drifting to Edward.

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><p><strong>AN: thank you for reading guys, sorry for the long wait I've had somethings going on. Anyway please tell me what you think, I know it wasn't a proper lemon but it would be rushing into things if it was. Thanks again for all the views, nearly 5000!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I own none of the Twilight characters or anything related to Twilight.**

**A/N: hey guys, I know you are not all happy with the last chapter but I feel that it had to happen in order for the plot to progress, also that it why I name the chapter lover are lunatics because they sometimes do stupid things. I am also sorry that this chapter took so long, I had some things going on.**

**Anyway on with the show!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 8 – Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think.<strong>

**Edward POV**

Running my hands through my hair I walked back into my bedroom, laying down on the bed which was still warm from my activities with Jacob, at that moment my phone rang. It was in the back pocket of my jeans, which had been discarded on the floor by the door. Grabbing the phone as it rang frantically I answered it without looking at the screen, sitting down at the edge of my bed.

"Hello?"

"Hi Edward, its Bella. I just wanted to remind you that tomorrow we have that meeting with the caterer"

"Yeah, sure don't worry I'll be there"

"Good it's at 12, see you tomorrow. Love you" for some reason I felt insanely guilty when she said that, I could have gone about by life if she hadn't said those last two words. But knowing that she loved me made me realise what a stupid, selfish asshole I was being.

"Love you too" she hung up and I dropped my phone onto the bed beside me, I can't believe that I didn't even consider my fiancé. Shit, what was I going to do now? Standing up and pacing round the room restlessly, I turned over the situation in my mind over and over not seeing another way around it. I would have to talk to Jacob again, to tell him it couldn't happen again that it never should have happened in the first place. Yes that's what I would do, no point putting it off I would go round after this catering thing Bella had set up, I would go and I would tell him straight.

Sighing and running my hands through my hair as I stopped pacing, I cleared my bed and attempted to go to sleep without thinking about Jacob or what we did or how I wanted to see him again so badly.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

"Edward...Edward" I shook my head as I looked back at Bella, her eyebrows raised in a silent question her legs crossed as she waited for an answer.

"Yeah?" she sighed and crossed her arms over her chest before glancing at the caterer a short plump brunette, with an apologetic look.

"I asked you, if we should go for the salmon or the lamb dish for the main course"

"Um...I don't know...er...both?" she rolled her eyes and turned back to her ignoring my comment.

"I think the lamb dish would be best" she nodded and took away the dishes, returning a few moments later with a tray with different types of cakes. For the next half an hour I sat mostly quiet, bored out of my mind occasionally nodding and just agreeing with whatever Bella said or asked me. Tapping my foot the time dragged on, I wanted this to be over already, but then I remembered what I was supposed to be doing later and then I just wanted to put it off and deal with it all later.

So when it was all over and done with we walked to my car as I had picked Bella up from her place, her phone started ringing loudly. Rummaging round in her bag she found it at the bottom of her bag and answered the call a slight frown on her lips as she did so.

"Hello?" after listening to the person on the other end, her frown became more pronounced and when she hung up she did not look pleased. Rubbing her shoulder she looked up at me as she slid her phone back into her handbag.

"What's wrong?"

"The new intern messed up the planning of Lauren Mallory's launch party, so we have no venue **and** she has a whole new list of demands for us now" scratching her elbow as she did when she was annoyed or angry, she shook her head again. "they are calling me in to sort it out and I don't have time for this I still haven't finished editing Mike's final draft, then I have to send a copy of it to the printers by Wednesday, I can't deal with this..." as she started rambling I put my hands on her shoulders, turning her so she faced me.

"Hey, hey calm down, okay. First of all you are brilliant at your job - hence why they're calling you on a Saturday - secondly here is what we will do. I'll take you home and you can get what you need and then I'll give you a ride to work. Give my mom a call and she'll find you a place she knows lots of people. It will all be sorted, alright?" she breathed deeply and smiled at me nodding her head in agreement.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Edward" letting go of her I kissed her on the forehead and opened the passenger side door for her then walked round and climbed in my own seat. Before I started up the engine she held my hand and pulled it to her lips, leaving a kiss on the back of my hand and smiling at me again he released my hand and I pulled my car out of where I was parked.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

Taking a deep breath I stood in front of Jacob's door, slowly raising my hand to knock and then pausing. Sighing deeply I mentally braced myself as I lowered my hand to gently knock on the door twice, waiting for only a few moments before Jacob answered the door. He came to the door wearing a pair of distressed light blue jeans that sat low on his hips with nothing else on, his hair wet with water droplets dripping down his bare torso.

"Oh hey Edward, come in" grinning as he took a step to the side to let me enter, shutting the door behind me and walking into the kitchen and opening the fridge. "Do you want a drink?"

"No thanks, I'm not staying for long"

"Okay then" shutting the fridge after getting himself a can of beer he popped the top taking a deep mouthful as he walked to the couch grabbing the towel that was draped over the back of the sofa. Considering how...close we got last time I found my eyes lingering on his sculpted abs and the way they flexed as he moved. I had a hard time looking away as he dried of his body and hair roughly, a droplet of water rolled down his chest slowly and my eyes were almost glued to his body.

"What were you saying, Edward?" shaking my head I cleared my throat.

"We...er...we need...we need to...er...talk..." I found it very hard to think and talk coherently around him and he could easily sense that.

"Does my being half naked bother you?" he had a sexy half smirk on his face that made me want to wipe the smile of his face. He continued to grin at me whilst walking towards me slowly, raising an eyebrow as I continued to stutter nervously.

"No...I...er...I...um..."he stopped when he was standing only a couple of paces away from me.

"Do we really need to talk?" hooking his fingers into the belt loops on my jeans he pulled me so our chests were touching.

"Yes, we do...er...I don't we should do this" leaning his head down he put his lips on my lips then trailing kisses down to my Adam's apple, sucking lightly and eliciting a deep moan from me. He then brushed his lips against my earlobe his voice low and oh so alluring as he removed his hands from my waist, placing one on my shoulder with his other hand tracing circles on my lower back.

"Do you really think that or have you been feeling guilty?" my eyes closing as he took my earlobe between his teeth, I found it increasingly hard to even contemplate breaking away from him.

"I'm engaged, Jake...we...shouldn't"

"Why not?" his hand on my back stilled and he moved away so that I could see his face, the smile was gone but he wasn't angry he looked strangely calm.

"It's not...it's not right" he moved closer to me capturing my lips with his in a deep kiss.

"we...we should stop...this" he smiled as my voice lost its conviction, biting my bottom lip he sucked on it and it felt so good I thought my legs were going to give out at any moment.

"I...I'm...I'm all out of excuses" he chuckled as I kissed his jaw, kissing down his neck to his shoulder with my hands roaming over his bare torso.

"Good, I thought you would never shut up" placing his hands on the sides of my face he pulled me in for a proper kiss, moving my lips against his I felt his lips curl up into a smile. Not breaking away he started backed up, leading me into his bedroom with me not complaining as long as he kept his lips on mine.

My senses were on overload, I could feel Jacob's hands sliding down my body and stopping at my waist, pulling off my shirt in one swift motion, his nails lightly scratching against my back. I could smell that sensual woody musky scent that was so damn irresistible, as I ran my nose down the side of his neck. I could hear his groans as we made it to his bed, kicking the door shut behind me his groans and moans were sexy as fuck and had me virtually ripping his clothes off.

We fell onto his bed with me on top of him and only a few thin layers of clothing separating us from what we wanted. He lowered his hands to my ass, thrusting his hips upwards so our clothed dicks rubbed against each other. Then moving his hands to my waist he flipped us over so that he was straddling me.

"you know you look very sexy underneath me" kissing him again he grabbed my hands and held them above my head with one hand, with his other hand sliding down my bare chest to palm my hard on through my jeans. Smiling wickedly as I groaned into his lips I proceeded to kiss him with much greater urgency.

"Fucking hell Jake, stop teasing me" I growled out as he moved his hand back up my torso, chuckling as how eager I was he released my hands and oh so slowly pulled off my jeans down. Moving his lips away from mine he smirked at me as he threw my jeans over his shoulder, then tugged off my boxers a little quicker. Sitting up a little I wasted no time in pulling off the remainder of his clothes, my hands wrapping round his cock as our lips met again.

Pushing me back down on my back roughly our kisses were more frenzied and excited, biting lips and tongues meeting in intense encounter. Jake was dominating and it was such a turn on as he lowered his hand to my dick that twitched in anticipation, a grin on his face as he watched me.

An hour and a half later we fell back on to the bed sweaty and spent, breathing heavily as we came down from our high. My leg was draped over his waist and his arm was wrapped round the top of my chest with his head on my shoulder. Raising my head to peer at the clock on his bedside table I sighed deeply.

"What's wrong?" he said as we untangled our limbs.

"It's late and I have a class in the morning" he sat up as did I, reaching for my boxers and pulling them on and standing up. He looked at me and pressed his lips together as if to prevent himself from laughing. "What's so funny?"

"You might want to look in the mirror" he said as a snigger escaped his lips, frowning and walking to the mirror by the cupboard to see my hair sticking up in all directions. It looked like I had been dragged through a hedge backwards, trying to flatten my unruly hair I turned round and grabbed my shirt and jeans. Jacob got up and pulled on a pair of shorts choosing to commando and forgoing a shirt, totally self-confident as he walked past me and into the living room, as I pulled my clothes on.

"Jake?" I called out as I followed him, he went to kitchen and got himself a bottle of water.

"Yeah, what's up?" he was so casual about what had happened, it reminded me of the reason I had come here in the first place.

"I think we should stop. We should stop now before anyone finds out" nodding he put the bottle down on the countertop and crossing his arms.

"Someone like Bella?" he raised an eyebrow at me.

"Yeah, like Bella. I love her and this is really confusing me" looking away from him and getting my phone from my pocket I saw that I had 3 missed calls from Bella and 2 from my mom.

"I see"

"You do?"

"Yeah, you're always in control and you hate not have any when something doesn't follow any of your rules" he smiled a little half smile at me. "I know you Edward, don't think I don't. So if it makes you feel better I won't say anything to Bella or anyone else"

"Thanks Jake" he was still smiling as he approached me, only stopping when we were standing very close to each other. So close that I could feel the heat coming off of his body, as he tilted his head so our lips were almost touching but not quite.

"But, I think that you don't really want to stop this, whatever this is. Secretly I think you enjoy not always being so damn uptight"

"No, that's not true, we should stop this" he brushed his lips against mine like before and I was a goner, my argument getting weaker.

"Be a bit reckless for once in your life Edward. Don't worry...it can be our little secret"

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><p><strong>AN: thanks for reading guys sorry it was so short!**

**Won't be updating for a couple of weeks as I am going to Leeds and I won't be able to take my laptop with me.**

**See you guys in a few weeks! xx**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**A/N: hey guys sorry for the long wait, but Leeds was calling. Anyway I'm back now so we can back to the boys, glad some of you liked Jacob's half naked line, I might sneak a few more lines like that so let's see who can spot them!**

**So back to the next instalment of My Dirty Little Secret, enjoy this chapter that I got out in a couple of hours (a personal best!) thank you to everyone for continuing to read this, I love you all! :D**

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><p><strong>Chapter 9 – Everyone has a secret, but can they keep it?<strong>

**Jacob POV**

**A week later...**

Hearing my cell phone ring I walked up to the coffee table in my living room where I had left it last, checking the screen before I answered the call I saw that it was Riley.

"Hi Riley, what's up?"

"Hey, nothing I just wanted to know if you wanted to meet up today for dinner?"

"I'd love to but I have an interview tomorrow morning so I need to get up early, maybe another time?" there was a short pause on the other end of the line as he considered my offer.

"Sure, I'll...er...talk to you later" he sounded disappointed and I felt a little bad bailing on him like this, but I put that thought on a back burner, as I sat down on the couch and glanced at the clock which read half past six. I guess you could say I was avoiding Riley, nevertheless I couldn't help it. Making up excuse not to see him or turning up late, I knew I was pushing him away but I knew he wasn't what I wanted and I think he knew too.

"Alright then see you later" hanging up the phone I threw it on the sofa leaning back as Edward walked out of my bathroom, his shirt carelessly thrown on with only a couple of button done up. His hair was wet and stuck up in random directions as he ran a hand through it, smiling at me and sitting next to me.

"Who was that?"

"No one important" I replied as I put an arm round his shoulder and pulled him closer to me.

In just two months he was meant to marry Bella. We never talked about what we were doing, we never considered what would happen when that day came. We just spent stolen moments together, when Leah or Bella had plans and wouldn't say anything about how much time we spent together.

So kissing him deeply I only felt a little bit guilty, but that was easily forgotten as his hands moved down my body taking off my t-shirt and kissing me back passionately. I told myself that this was just us giving into lust, it was just harmless fun if stayed between us...right?

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

"I'll see you tomorrow Jake" letting go off him he left my apartment going to his car so he could go and meet Bella to discuss the guest list. Feeling a twinge of disappointment as he turned away from me I ignored it and went to my computer, pulling my shirt back on.

Bringing up my emails I saw I had a new message from a company in New York I had applied to a few weeks ago, when I had become desperate. It had been a long shot as it was for a teaching spot and I wasn't really qualified for it, seeing as my previous job was selling rather than the mechanical aspect of cars I was certain it was a rejection.

But scanning through the message I saw that they had invited me for a recruitment evening exactly two weeks from today. Surprised and somewhat pleased with myself I replied back immediately, accepting and telling them that I would gladly attend.

Putting all my energy and concentration into my job search I went back into my bedroom, the scent of sweat and sex lingering in the air, and like a total girl I picked out what I was going to wear for my interview tomorrow. Twenty minutes had just passed before my phone rang again, snagging the phone off the sofa as it rang madly; I answered the call without looking at the screen.

"Hello?"

"Hi Jake, its Bella. Do you have a minute to talk?" she sounded upset and for a moment I panicked, wondering if she had found out. Choosing play the fool I went along with it as I knew nothing.

"Sure, what's wrong Bells?"

"Can I come round?" she skirted round the topic, hearing her sniff lightly I though she either had a cold or she had been crying. Neither of which could be good.

"Sure, where are you?"

"No, I'm leaving my office I can be there in ten minutes" there was beeping and cars in the background, so I assumed she was in her car.

"Okay, see you soon" putting on a cheery voice as I hung up, I sprang up from the couch hunting for any signs of the encounter I had had earlier with her fiancé, finding nothing but being able to smell the sweat and sex smell, I whipped out the air freshener. Putting my laptop away I walked into the kitchen a poured myself a large measure of whisky, drinking it in practically one go.

Barely ten minutes later and she was knocking on my door, answering the door with a friendly smile she walked in making herself at home on Leah's favourite armchair. Crouching next to the armchair as she kicked off her heels and crossed her legs, I looked at her waiting for her to speak.

"I think he's getting cold feet"

"Who is?" I asked stupidly, with it being perfectly clear who she was talking about.

"Edward" she sighed and crossed her arms over her chest before continuing. "He seems very...distant, I ask him anything about the wedding and he doesn't care" she shrugged her lips turning down in to a frown.

"I'm sure that's not the case, he loves you" she sniffed unhappily, her lips still tugged down into a frown as she shook her head.

"Oh, I don't know! We haven't...we er, we haven't had sex since the night he proposed to me. I think we've lost our spark, he won't come anywhere near me" she moaned throwing her hands over her face in humiliation.

"Maybe you need an evening just the two of you, with no interferences" I had no idea where all this was coming from, but I did not want to see her cry. Honestly she was so sweet seeing her cry was like kicking a puppy, sad and so pathetic you feel like crap afterwards. That twinge of guilt intensified seeing her so broken, if she ever knew...gosh it would destroy her.

"That's a good idea, but how do I do that?" she looked at me with her innocent doe like brown eyes and sighed looking back at the kitchen, wanting for another large drink...or the whole damn bottle.

"I'll help you think of something" I found myself saying, mentally bracing myself for how very complicated my life was getting.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

"Thank you, I hope to hear from you soon" _unlikely_ I thought as I walked out of the building they had taken one look at my resume, before making a judgement. When their first question was on why I was looking for a new job, I knew I was pretty much screwed.

Then it went from bad to worse when they looked up my references, let's just say my boss didn't exactly give me a glowing recommendation. Though if I am completely honest with myself, I wouldn't have given me such a great reference either. Anyway the point is that I probably won't be hearing from them anytime soon, glancing down at my watch I see that it is almost three in the afternoon. Attempting to forget about the train wreck of an interview I just walked out of I crossed the road and went to a local bar I hadn't been to before.

The bar was grimy and the patron where mainly drunks and trampy old men, taking a seat at the bar I pulled off my suit jacket along with my tie. Undoing the top button and rolling up my sleeves as the female bartender approached me, I sighed in defeat.

"What can I get 'cha darling?" she was pretty with long pale blond hair, blue eyes and a slim body. She wore three quarter sleeve slashed red and black top that showed off a toned abdomen and belly ring. With low rise skin tight jeans she was definitely not afraid to show off her body, she leaned on the bar with her chest and ass sticking out, in a pose that was meant to be sexy.

"Large whisky with ice" I said bluntly, taking out my mobile to check if I had any missed calls or texts, I had a text from Edward.

_Hi Jake,_

_How did the interview go? You want to meet up later and tell me about it?_

_Let me know!_

_Edward_

Typing a quick reply, I said that I'd meet him at his apartment in a couple of hours. I needed a little pick me up after my horrible interview and my friend Jack Daniels was going to help me with that.

"Here you go honey" spoke the blond in a flirty tone, I couldn't help but laugh a little as I realised what she was trying to do. Taking a sip of my drink she crossed her arms under her chest, to show off her...better assets. "What's so funny?" shaking my head and grinning I leaned my elbow on the edge of the bar, looking at her as she raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"You're pretty..."

"Moving a bit fast there, aren't you buddy?" smiling patiently I tried again.

"You're pretty, _but_ your barking up the wrong tree" the sultry smile on her face, was replaced with a confused expression while she poured a beer for a regular sitting on my left.

"What?" was all she could think to say, passing the drink to the patron and taking a crumpled bill from him.

"You're not my type" I said trying to be subtle. Obviously she didn't get it as she leaned forward so she was standing closer to me, her breasts jutting out as she grinned at me in a way that was probably meant to be seductive.

"Why don't you let me change your mind" in a bold move she trailed a finger down my arm, raising an eyebrow.

"That is unlikely" taking her hand and moving it away from my arm I patted the back of her hand. "Because I'm gay" abandoning subtlety I drained the rest of my drink in one go, almost slamming the glass back down.

"Same again, please" with a huff she took the glass to get me a refill, a disappointed look on her face the whole time.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

The next day I met Edward at the local park, where we ran on weekends, at six in the evening. Spotting him in a white shirt, jeans and a skinny black tie, he looked really good and I had to shake off the mental image of him naked on my bed as he turned round.

"Hey Edward!" I called out to him waving as he walked towards me.

"Hi, so what's was so important it couldn't wait?" he raised an eyebrow suggestively, his green eyes sparkling with mischief.

"Down boy" I replied forcing myself to laugh wholeheartedly as we walked to the pond at the other side of the park. Evening was amongst us and the sky was ablaze as the sun set and the park was filled with cute couples walking along, hands linked. "Walk with me" he looked a little confused but he shrugged and followed me anyway, shoving his hands in his jeans pockets. There was a silence between and although it wasn't that awkward I rushed to fill in the silence, to stop myself thinking about we had been doing for the past week.

"Hey, I got an interview for that school in New York that I told you about"

"The teaching post?" I nodded as we continued to walk. "That's great, I'm sure you'll be brilliant"

"Yeah, you're not the only one that can work with little brats" he raised an eyebrow.

"With that attitude, why the hell not?" he laughed and I mock frowned.

"Hey I'm good with kids!" I said with over the top indignation.

"Sure do you remember what happened when you looked after Rebecca's kid on Thanksgiving?"

"So she had a little adventure" he chuckled and shook his head.

"Jake you lost her in the mall, because you were chatting up the shop assistant" I shrugged casually.

"We found her eventually and I got his number. So all in not a totally wasted day" he rolled his eyes and shook his head again at my cavalier attitude, but he didn't argue with my somewhat twisted logic.

"Well, I hope you get the job. It would be something different a challenge. But I'm certain you'll do great" his tone was sincere and I turned my head to look at him, he looked at me and our eyes locked for a moment. Smiling at me his face lit up with that sexy crooked grin and I couldn't help but smile back and stand just a little closer to him. "Jake, you know I th-"

The rest of his sentence was cut off when we reached the pond a secluded part of the park, he saw the lit candles and he looked puzzled, looking back at me I shook my head tilting it to his right. Bella walked up to us a smile on her face as she hugged Edward and turned to face me, a grateful look on her face.

"Thanks for getting him here Jake" he smiled at her as she leaned away to look at the surprised look on his face.

"Have fun you guys" Edward looked at me with an unfathomable expression, which made it very hard to turn away from him. Forcing myself to smile I waved and walked away, still feeling his gaze on me as I left them alone. The last thing I saw was Bella pulling him in for a kiss as I followed the path back to my car, feeling somewhat frustrated.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

Sitting in front of the TV in sweats and an old t-shirt a few hours later, Leah walked out of her bedroom. Standing in front of me blocking my view of Lea Michelle singing 'Firework', I let out an indignant sound.

"Hey!" ignoring my comment she twirled round in her new dress, it was a dark purple body con dress with zip detail on the front.

"How do I look?"

"You look sexy, gorgeous, amazing...now get out of my way" rolling her eyes in an indulgent way, but moving out of the way to check her hair ion the mirror by the door. Grabbing her coat she slipped it on, glancing over at the clock and putting on her shoes.

"Okay, I'm going now and I _might_ spend the night round Jared's"

"Ooh, someone's getting serious" I teased raising my eyebrows and sitting up properly.

"Shut up" she said without her usual sarcasm as her lips stretched into a smile. "I'll see you later, Jake"

"Bye, Leah. Have fun between the sheets" she swatted me on the back of my head with her handbag and I swear she blushed, actually blushed! This was the same girl who caught me watching gay porn and just viewed it with me, commenting crudely about it the entire time.

"See ya" she said over her shoulder as she left, leaving me to watch the rest of Glee. When it was finished I hummed to myself as I poured myself a large shot of vodka, downing it in one go and pouring myself another sighing as I felt the familiar burn in the back of my throat. Taking the bottle and a glass back into the living room I was about to sit down and watch a movie, when a heard a knock on my door.

Putting the bottle and the half empty glass down on the coffee table, I went to the door thinking that Leah had probably changed her mind and was coming back for some takeout and a glass of wine that I had ordered. However the person behind the door was not Leah but Edward.

"Hey, I thought you would be with Bella" taking a step I let him walk in, unconcerned about the way I was dressed. Going to the kitchen he remained by the door, oddly silent as he gave me the same look he gave as I had left him at the park. "Do you want a drink while you're here?" I said getting out another glass and going back into the living room, walking past him and picking up the bottle of vodka.

"What are we doing Jacob?" were his first words as he lifted his head and looked at me.

"I guess we're having a drink together" I tried to keep my tone light but he looked deadly serious, putting down the glass I poured him a drink and held it out for him. He took it taking a deep pull and sighing before walking round to the armchair and sitting down.

"What happened today with Bella?"

"She was worried that you were having second thoughts, so I helped her plan a romantic rendezvous in the park" sitting down on the couch and turning my body so that I was facing him I raised an eyebrow thinking about how odd he was acting. He nodded and took another sip, slowly this time crossing his legs the way guys do with his right ankle resting on his left knee.

"Right, so she has no idea what has been...going on between us?"

"Is that what this is about? You're scared I might scare off your fiancé? Don't answer that, I already know the answer" for some reason I was suddenly very pissed off at him, taking another gulp of vodka I slammed the glass down on the table. Seeing him flinch I continued talking, as he sat up trying to keep his composure and that stick up his ass.

"Don't worry Edward, Bella won't hear anything from me. Just out of curiosity what has been going between us?" he looked very uncomfortable as he swallowed round a lump in his throat.

"Well...we've been...er...fooling around, it's just a bit of fun right?"

"Right" I sat up and refilled my glass, feeling like I needed it right now.

"What else is there? I am engaged Jake, you know that" nodding I stood up and paced round the coffee table closing my eyes before I spoke again.

"Then why are you here? You should be with her, she put a lot of effort into this evening and you shouldn't let it go to waste" I stopped pacing and looked over at him, waiting for his response. He uncrossed his legs and put down his drink leaning forward and looking off.

"I don't know. I'm really confused Jake and I don't know what to do" he looked up and I

"Just go with what feels right" my anger dissipating as I saw how utterly lost he was, I approached him and held his face in my hands.

"Sounds easier than it is"

"It's as easy as you want it to be...tell me, honestly, does this feel right to you?" I pulled him closer to me, like I had done many times before. But this time my heart started beating faster, I could feel it pounding in my ears as his lips brushed against mine.

"Yeah it does" then his lips were on mine, his hands down my back pulling me closer to him. We were so caught up in each other that we almost didn't hear the key turning in the lock, pulling away from him I sprang up and moved away as he cleared his throat. So when Leah walked in her eyes red and slightly puffy, I was sitting as far away from Edward as possible, trying to look nonchalant.

"I thought you were round Jared's" she bit her lip and looked like she was about to cry, which was odd as the last time I saw her crying was when she found out Sam and her cousin Emily were getting married.

"Yeah, well plan's change. People move on..." she took off her jacket nearly chucking it at the back of the sofa. "...meet new people, get married..." she chucked her shoes across the floor as she sat next to me. "...have kids, while others..." her voice rose hysterically and wrapped her arms round herself, Edward stood up and motioned to the door. "...others have to start all over again"

When Edward left she gave into the tears that she must have holding in for a while. As she sobbed helplessly I pulled her so her head was leaning on my chest as she cried with abandon.

"What happened Leah?"

"Their having...a-a baby. I saw Sam and Emily and their having a...b-baby" her body heaved with her sobs and I stroked her hair and let her get it all out, playing the role of the good friend. When all the while I was secret very relieved that she was unaware about what she almost walked in on.

"It's okay" I crooned trying to sooth her and stop her tears.

"No, no it's not. Even now, I still...I still love him"

"Well then...it will be okay. I'm here for you"

"Thank you Jake, you're a good friend" _no, I'm really not_ was the first thought in my head.

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><p><strong>AN: hope you liked this much longer chapter, no lemon as this was more about their conflict, rather Edward's inner conflict along with the other aspects of Jacob's life that seem to be taking a back seat. The next chapter will be Edward's POV as I think we need his opinion on this.**

**Until next time, thanks for reading and please leave a review/comment!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: unfortunately I do not own anything Twilight related.**

**A/N: wowza! Over 7,000 views already and we're only nine chapters in, thanks guys for sticking with me. **

**I Love all of your reviews, it probably shouldn't amaze me how many of you out there like smut, but there you go. I hope you all enjoy this!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 10: We don't have to take our clothes off<strong>

**Edward POV**

The following Tuesday, I met up with the guys for a drink after work. When I arrived at the bar they were already at a table near the back, there was the first round of beers being brought to the table by Riley.

"Hey Eddie, pull up a seat!" boomed my brother as I got near to the table. The only free seats were the ones next to Jasper and opposite Jacob, as well as the one next to Riley, across from Emmett.

Taking the seat next to Jasper, Jacob looked up and gave me a small smile before turning to Riley to listen to him and Emmett talk. Taking a sip of the beer that was placed in front of me, I nodded indifferently as Jasper started talking about a patient who bit people she liked.

"What a head case" pitched in Emmett thoughtlessly.

"Yeah, well she pays out of the nose for our sessions so who am I to complain?" he shrugged and took a big gulp of his drink. I zoned out of the conversation, only really aware of how every so often Riley would touch Jacob's shoulder when he was talking or Jacob would look over his shoulder when making a point, just to smile at him.

For some reason I didn't like it at all, the looks they gave each other or any of the intimate touches. Barely contributing to the conversation, all I did was nod and grunt in agreement or disapproval but not having anything valuable to add to the conversation.

No one seemed to notice my foul mood, no one apart from Jacob who after another unenthusiastic response to a question from Riley, shot me a questioning look, his eyebrows raised and his head slightly tilted.

Ignoring him I turned my attention away from Riley's hand on Jacob's and towards Jasper and Emmett's friendly debate on the best car. I dismissed the looks Jacob gave me, watching them out of the corner of my eye, my jaw clenching with effort of remaining quiet.

When it was my round I hopped up from my seat eagerly, wanting to get away from Jacob's looks at me, walking to the bar and leaving their laughs behind me I got out my wallet as I got to the bar. Focusing all of my concentration on the drinks list behind the bar I realise that Jacob had walked up to me until he spoke.

"What's up with you?" he asked with the same questioning look on his face like before.

"Nothing" I retorted hotly, my voice giving away my bad mood, if my silence before hadn't already done that.

"You're so full of shit sometimes" my jaw tensing, I didn't reply looking down at the other end of the bar, where the bartender was chatting up a brunette with too much flesh on display. "Something's bothering you, you've barely done anything other than grunt and brood"

"I do not _brood_" I whined sounding pathetic to my own ears.

"Sure, sure" he retorted patronisingly rolling his eyes as he leaned on the edge of the bar with his elbow. Trying to get the attention of the bartender by casually waving at him, I ignored Jacob's comment, groaning when he brushed me off to smile at the brunette.

"What do you have to do to get a damn drink around here?" I muttered to myself slamming a hand down onto the bar angrily. Seeing that he was still chatting to the girl, I lifted my hand to pinch the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes for a moment.

"And I thought you couldn't get any more uptight. What's up, Ed?" dropping my hand from my face I glanced over at him, he looked back at me concern on his face. It was evident from the way he pressed his lips together in a thin line and the way he scrunched up his forehead a little. He raised an eyebrow when I said nothing, the bartender walked towards me casually.

"Finally, five bottles of bud"

"Don't ignore me, Edward!" he hissed as the bartender walked away again. "What is your problem?"

"My problem? I'm sorry if I don't want to see you and your _boyfriend_ almost making out!" I blurted out, regretting my outburst as soon as the words left my lips. Averting my gaze away from him, his expression softened somewhat to something I could figure out. "you what, whatever you can do whatever you want"

"Are you jealous? He spoke very slowly almost hesitantly.

"No" I spoke too quickly and I could see that he didn't believe me. "Do what you want" slapping down a few bills as out beers came I picked up a few and he did too.

"I will, look if you're in a bad mood or whatever, don't take it out on me" he scowled and walked away not talking to me for the rest of the night.

Instead he would 'accidentally' bump my leg under the table, so that when I looked up I saw him whispering in Riley's ear or touching his leg. Then he would look at me and give me a raised eyebrow or a cheeky smile, before turning back to the conversation.

I just couldn't help- myself could I? I went to Jacob's flat over a week ago, to stop whatever we had started and what happened? We ended up ripping each other's clothes off as fast as we could, just like before. It seemed like any time I spent with Jacob, I either thought obsessively about being...intimate with him or it happened anyway. I thought about even when he wasn't around, I couldn't that deny I wanted him, lusted after him.

Did it mean that I was gay, if I lusted after a man in a way I had been always told should be for a woman, for my wife?

Head in my hands I mulled this over as I sat on the edge of my bed, having gotten to the park I when through with Bella's plans. Smiling but not really enjoying myself as I should have, considering all the effort she had put into the evening. I had kissed her held her in my arms, but it hadn't felt the same...it didn't feel right.

I knew I loved her, I never wanted her to be hurt or for me to be the one that hurt her. I just couldn't control myself when Jacob was involved and it infuriated me that someone could take away my control so easily. Nevertheless it also excited me, not to be the one thinking everything through, to be able to just let go.

Glancing over at my clock I saw that it was nearly midnight, tugging off my shirt and jeans I lay down. Another sleepless night would not make me feel any better, but as my lids drifted shut a barely conscious thought drifted into my head, although it was more of a memory.

_Do what feels right..._

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

Wrapping up my last lesson of the day, I walked to my car loading my music books in the back seat when my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hi Edward it's me" right away I recognised Bella's voice. "Have I caught you at a bad time?"

"No, I was just leaving school" getting in the car I did my seat belt not starting the car yet.

"Good, then you can pick me up and we can go see this beautiful place, that I was thinking would be _perfect_ for the wedding reception" Bella had made me see quite a few places that would be 'perfect' so I wasn't really looking forward to wasting my time, looking at another place we wouldn't use.

"Sounds good I'll be at the office in ten minutes"

"Okay, see you then" disconnecting the call I dropped the phone onto the passenger seat and started my car, pulling out of the car park I made it to the second set of traffic lights when my phone rang again. It was flashing and vibrating on the passenger seat, eyeing the phone I saw Jacob's name flash across the screen.

Looking up the light was red so I reached out to try and pick up the phone, but my fingertips pushed it further away, trying again it fell to the floor still ringing madly. Hearing the toot of someone's horn I realised the light was green, so ignoring the ringing I drove on, after another minute I reached Bella's office and the ringing had ceased.

She came out of the building smiling excitedly when she saw my car, picking up my phone and feeling slightly disappointed that I had missed the call, I opened the door for her.

She leaned over and kissed me on the lips before whipping out a set of printed instructions and telling me which way to go. Soon we pulled up to The Edgewater hotel, named so for obvious reasons. Walking inside it had the cosy feel of a cabin lodge with a fireplace and comfy chair in the lobby, a tall thin man with thinning grey hair and pale aged skin approached us.

"Hello, I am Mr Sorrento, the manager of this hotel. How may I help you?" Bella was practically buzzing with excitement as she looked round, taking it all in.

"We're here for a tour, we're getting married and we heard you had an opening sometime soon" his eyes lit up and you could almost see the dollar signs in his eyes as he smiled and gushed over us, leading us through the lobby.

Oh good god this was going to be a long day.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

Absentmindedly strumming on my guitar and looking at the clock every so often, waiting for who knows what, when my mobile rang. Picking it up alarmingly quickly when I saw it was Jacob calling me.

"Hi" was what I said first attempting to convey nonchalance and disinterest, but failing badly when I thought of the way Riley had touched Jacob the other day.

"Hey Edward, are you alright. You're not in one of your shit moods are you?"

"It is so nice to hear from you Jacob, after all you say such nice things" I responded drily putting my guitar away and sitting up.

"Just checking, you can be such a downer when you're in one of your moods...anyhow, I've had a really shit day, do you mind if I come round?"

"Sure" was all I said, trying way too hard to be offhand, but I couldn't help it.

"Cool I'll be round in ten, should I bring some drinks?"

"If you want"

"Ok, bye" I put the phone down and hopped up from the sofa, going round the apartment and picking up odd bits and pieces, tiding up quickly before he came. A few minutes later there was a lazy knock on my door, chucking a few bits into my laundry hamper I went to the door flinging it open to see Jasper at my door. To say I was surprised was a bit of an understatement, he looked defeated somehow as he stood by my door.

His eyes were bloodshot and his hair was unkempt, he looked like he hadn't slept in a while either. I could smell the alcohol on him as he clung on to the door frame, probably to stop him falling over.

"Hey man what happened to you?" he stood a step forward and staggered, stepping forward I grabbed him and half dragged him to the sofa. He let out a pained moan and sat with his head in his hands, it sounded like he said 'Alice' but I wasn't sure. Leaving him on the sofa I went into the kitchen and made him some coffee, bringing it back I put it on the table in front of him as he looked up from his hands.

"What happened Jasper?"

"I h-had an argument with Al-Alice" he replied slurring his words as he reached out for the mug and holding it in both hands as he took as small sip.

"But haven't you been fighting for a while now?" he shook his head slowly and frowning as he looked at me.

"It was different this time...she found that sh-she can't have kids. She knew it for a while"

"I thought you didn't want kids?"

"I didn't, i-it's what she's wanted for a while. I still don't think I-I want kids but it something I always thought would just happen, but know we won't get the chance" I was taken aback I did not see that one coming. Sitting down on the sofa next to him I looked up at the clock as silence fell over us, she couldn't have kids.

"When did she find out?"

"That's the thing, she's known for weeks. S-she knew for weeks and she never told me, she just fought with me and let me think I was the one in the wrong. How fucked up is that?" I knew it was a rhetorical question so I didn't speak I just let him rant for a while. "She wouldn't let me go to the doctors with her or anything, she's just shut me out" he sounded so hopeless and so defeated.

Just as I was about to say something to Jasper, someone knocked loudly on my door. For a moment I wondered who it was, until it hit me. I had completely forgotten that Jacob was coming round! Jasper barely looked up as he drank his coffee, standing up and walking to the door I was more concerned about Jasper so I prepared to tell Jacob we'd have to reschedule as I opened the door.

"Hi Ed" he said a smile on his face until he saw Jasper with his head in his hands, the smile faded into a look of first confusion then concern as he wordlessly walked up to our friend. He had with him a bottle of whisky which he put on the coffee table as he put a hand on his shoulder, while I closed the door. 'What happened?' he mouthed at me.

'Alice' was my response, he nodded in a silent understanding, knowing how they had been around each other the last time we saw them together. Jasper drained his drink and Jacob took the mug from him walking past me and into the kitchen, putting it in the sink he turned to face me as I followed him.

"Why is he here if he had an row with Alice?" filling him in quickly he shook his head, his lips set in a hard line as he walked back into my living room, to sit next to Jasper again.

"What am I supposed to do if she doesn't tell me what's going on?" he moaned leaning back and putting his hands over his face, in a move that was a little too dramatic.

"Well for one you should get off your ass and stop sulking, go home and talk to her" he looked at Jasper unsympathetically as he moved his hands away from his face.

"Jake, she didn't tell him so how was he supposed to know?" I pitched in defending Jasper, as he wouldn't do it for himself.

"Couldn't he see she was upset, we did...even so, can you imagine how she must be feeling? Obviously she didn't tell you because she thought you wouldn't react well and you've only gone and confirmed what she thought"

"Can you blame him? Alice should have told him!" crossing my arms over my chest I looked away from Jacob to Jasper who had an odd expression on his face. He held his hand up for me to stop, both of us fell silent as he looked at Jacob while he spoke.

"Jake is right" he nodded at Jasper, a self-satisfied smirk on his face as he listened to him. "I shouldn't have left, she was upset and I never asked why, never took the time to..."

"Then why...are you still here?" Jacob's tone was less judgemental as the light went on in Jasper's head. Standing up and swaying again but shrugging off Jacob when he tried to help, he went to the door stopping as he opened it to look at us.

"I should go!" but before he could take one more step his expression morphed into one of someone about to be sick. Jacob hopped up and pulled him away from the door and into the bathroom as quickly as he could, while I shut the door and followed them. Stopping myself at the bathroom door when Jasper started throwing up in my toilet, frowning I took a step back the sounds of his retching filling the apartment.

Jacob sat on the edge of the bath tub, waiting for Jasper to clear his system, before getting out some mouthwash and handing it to him. Taking the mouthwash and rinsing out his mouth, he leaned his head against the side of the sink closing his eyes for a minute, while I went to the medicine cabinet to get some aspirin for him, then to get a glass of water.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

Half an hour later he had left and me and Jacob were left alone, sitting on the couch we had opened the bottle of whisky pouring ourselves generous measures, before seating ourselves in front of the television.

"You said you had a bad day, what was wrong?" he shrugged his shoulders then shook his head drinking from his tumbler and not looking at me while he spoke.

"It doesn't matter now" dropping the subject I started flicking channels, settling on the Elizabeth Taylor version of Cleopatra, it was a few minutes in already but we hadn't missed much. As we watched the film we ended up sitting pretty close, with one of my arms over Jacob's shoulder and his head on my chest.

It was quite...comfortable, every so often I really wanted to reach over and kiss him or more. But I was also content to sit and watch the movie with him, occasionally trading comments about the movie or the late Elizabeth Taylor. We didn't do anything special we were just spending time together, without it leading to anything else and although we had done this many times before...that night it felt different. And I found out that I didn't mind the change that much, but I didn't quite realise what it meant.

So when he had to leave after the film had finished, I was disappointed I wanted to spend more time with him, wanted more of him.

"You know we haven't had a night like this for a while...it was kinda nice" he said as he went to the door, voicing the thought I had in my head.

"Yeah it was" he leaned forward a grin on his face as he kissed me, it was over way too quickly but before I could protest or do anything else he was walking away from me.

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><p><strong>AN: I know this was a bit of a boring chapter, but some realisations will come to light for Edward but he needs time to figure it out, next chapter we skip ahead a couple of weeks to Jacob's POV, until next time!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**A/N: Hi guys, here things get interesting! **

**I also have a bit of news, I got into University! While good for me this means I will have less time to update regularly, it maybe every two weeks or so until I settle in, but for now I'll just let you read on.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 11 ~ With the state I'm in, I can't help myself<strong>

**Jacob POV**

Knocking on Riley's front door, he answered a few seconds later, already dressed to go.

"Hey Jake" with a kiss on my cheek he locked his door and we went to the car. "What time does the movie start?"

"6:20pm, we have plenty of time" I replies as I started the engine and pulled out onto the main road, while a hush fell between us. Turning the radio on we exchanged pleasantries to fill the silence, but we soon ran out of things to say.

Just to fill the awkward silence I started to talk about the weather, the fricking weather. Considering we live in Seattle all we get is rain, light rain, heavy rain its all the same thing, you know you're in trouble when the only thing you can talk about is rain.

Eventually I turned up the music loud enough that it didn't allow for conversation. When we arrived at the movies, I went to get the tickets and Riley went to go get the popcorn for us.

Walking away from the cashier with the tickets, I spied Riley chatting to a familiar face, to be specific Bella and Edward. Bella and Riley were the ones chatting away while Edward looked down at his watch.

"Hi Jacob!" called out Bella as I approached, Edward looked at me a small smile on his face that disappeared the moment I stood next to Riley, he took my hand and smiled at me. Edward's gaze flickered down to our intertwined hands and then back to Bella as she continued to talk about the movie.

"Let's all sit together" chimed Bella, when Riley told her we were watching the same movie as them.

"Bella, I think Riley and Jacob came here on a date, maybe they'd rather be alone" I could tell that he was very uncomfortable, I knew him well enough to tell as his jaw clenched or he pinched the bridge of his nose, uptight as he was he did this a lot.

"It's fine we don't mind, do we Jake?" he squeezed my hand and I shook my head.

"Not at all, we should go to our seats the movie is about to start" going inside as the lights went down, somehow I ended up in the seat in between Edward and Riley, in a move that I didn't think was accidental.

As the opening credits started I got a strong sense of déjà vu, this situation was a lot like the time at Alice's performance at the theatre. How different this was though, in a few weeks we had gone from being friends to...to I don't quite know what.

Were we friends with benefits or lovers, for lack of a better term. Looking to my left I saw Riley who was deeply engrossed in the film, after my wreck of a relationship with Paul he was good for me. He was kind and stable, we didn't have the horrible rows I had had with Paul, he was...the safe option.

Turning my head to my right I saw Bella talking in his ear, he nodded intently concentrating on what she said, putting his hand on her knee as she kissed his cheek. They smiled at each other sweetly and I felt angry for some reason, I had no right to feel resentment for Bella, so why did I?

Looking back at Riley he turned and smiled at me before turning to the screen, it wasn't until the end of the movie when I realised what it was. I was jealous of Bella, I realised it when out of the corner of my eye I could see them, he would reach over an brush some hair off her face and she would lean her head on his shoulder.

I was jealous because I was...I was in love Edward. Oh...shit. Catching myself off guard with that realisation, I kept my eyes glued to the screen for the last few minutes of the movie. Trying my best to ignore how close he was to me, his knee accidentally brushing against mine every so often, ignore my every impulse to reach out touch him. I set my eyes firmly on the screen, nodding along to Riley's comments though I wasn't really paying attention.

When the movie was over I made an excuse for us to leave, when Bella suggested dinner together, getting in my car we fell back into the silence with no one to intervene.

"Do you want to grab a bite to eat? That chines place isn't far from here" he supplied breaking the silence and turning the radio down.

"I dunno, whatever" was my non-committal reply, my eyes on the road I took a left and started to head towards the Chinese restaurant he had mentioned.

"Could you be any more excited?" he commented sarcastically, his carefree, light tone gone to be replaced by a voice dripping with venom.

"What do you want?"

"You're so unconcerned about everything, you just don't care" he switched the radio off altogether, crossing his arms and looking out of the window.

"We're going to the poxy restaurant aren't we? What's your problem?" I could see very clearly where this was going, but like the idiot I was instead of trying to make it better I stung myself and made it worse.

"For the past few weeks you've either been blowing me off with some crappy excuse or you've been damn miserable whenever we do go out" his voice rose dangerously as I got to the Chinese place, pulling up in front of it and killing the engine.

What could I say? He was right of course, but it is not as if I could tell him why. That wouldn't go down so well, it would make things worse to tell him that I had been sleeping with my best friend who is engaged and supposedly straight. No I couldn't do that.

"So then why are you here?" was my knee jerk answer and I could see that was the wrong thing to say, opening my mouth to try and take it back but from the cold look he threw me, I knew the damage was done.

"That's a good question, why am I still here?" unbuckling his seat belt, he opened the door not looking back as he spoke again. "Bye Jacob, I think we're done here. I would appreciate it if you don't try to call me again" he got out, not turning back once as he walked away from me.

"Riley! Riley wait!" calling out to him he didn't respond, instead he walked faster until he rounded a corner and disappeared from my sight. I could very easily have gone after him, he wasn't that far away. Nevertheless what difference would it make?

I couldn't help myself, because I kept fucking everything up.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

Over the next few weeks I tried to focus on getting a job, my bills were piling up and so I really needed a job. Although I might have well have not bothered as rejection letter after rejection letter came through, a week later and I was no closer to getting a job.

Yet I persevered, sending out resumes on a daily basis even for jobs that weren't for sales. If I wasn't immersed in my job hunt I was keeping myself as busy as possible, running with Leah, reading books on how to do well in interviews and so I had very little time to spend with Edward.

Not that he didn't try and convince me to take my mind off the job hunt, try is probably not the best word as he tended to succeed in keep my mind off it for a while.

I couldn't help but feel that I was getting in too deep, I hadn't said anything about how I felt to him and I hadn't tried very hard to stop the affair, for lack of a better word. But every time I saw, every time I got close to him it got harder to leave him and that wasn't a good thing not when he was due to be wed in just over a month and a half.

In my car on my way to see Leah for lunch, I thought about how broken up she had been over hearing Emily was pregnant. I knew it still stung for her, he had been her first love and he broke her heart. Jared was good for her, he didn't push her, but she told him soon after everything about Sam and Emily. From what she had told me he acted different to what she expected, he got angry, not at her but at Sam for daring to do that to someone he claimed that he loved.

His reaction was comforting to her and she felt somewhat better after telling him, they were so good together but Leah still refused to classify their relationship. It drove Jared mad, knowing Leah she was just trying to protect herself.

We met up at a small café near the building she worked at, she worked as an accountant for a big law firm and was quite good at her job. When I arrived, Leah was seated at a small table by one of the windows, she was looking down at her phone a glimmer of a smile on her lips. She didn't see me until I clapped a hand on one of her shoulders and she jumped in her seat.

"Jake you're such an ass" chuckling at her reaction as she put down the phone and glared at me, I took the seat opposite her and picked up the menu.

"You're too kind" she mumbled something under her breath as a response, something including the words 'big enough ego'. Then she smiled at me, knowing that I had heard her comment.

"Knowing that you would be late, I already ordered the spaghetti carbonara for you"

"Sounds good...so who were you texting?" I wriggled my eyebrows suggestively as I already knew who it could be, to make her smile. She tried not to smile by pressing her fingers to her lips, but she failed as the grin spread across her face. She tried to disguise it by taking a sip of her water, but she was fooling no one.

"No one really, just Jared"

"And?..."

"And nothing, can't I text my boyfriend without having an ulterior motive?" smiling at her she frowned for a moment, glancing at me curiously. "What?"

"You called him your boyfriend"

"So I did, it's not the end of the world"

"Yeah, but for you that's big" she shrugged as our food came, with a short brunette wearing too much makeup.

"I guess it is" she nodded before, concentrating very hard on her risotto dish, so that she wouldn't say anything else about her love life. We talked about various other topics, her work, my lack of work and various other subjects. When she tried to talk about Riley, I steered the conversation in a different direction, if she noticed she didn't let on, she went along with it.

She offered to pay for lunch, probably as she knew about my financial worries even if I refused to talk about it, turning down her offer we spilt the bill and left. At the same time as we left the café, I saw a familiar face walk in my direction, stopping when he was standing in front of me.

The three of us stopped to look at each other, the tension between us thick.

"Hello Paul, how are you?" he looked away from me and smiled stiffly at Leah, as she tried to make polite small talk.

"Hi Leah, I'm good thanks" he didn't looks so great, he squinted which made me think he might need glasses. He didn't smile either, mind he never did smile often it always looked strained when he did, it showed how depressed he looked. He looked at me again and I couldn't help but think about the ugly red and black print tie he wore, I recognised it as the one his mother got him for Christmas last year.

Had I seen him about a month ago, I would have found lots to say to him, I would have tried to show him how witty and funny I was, I would have pretended to be over him when all I could think about was how much I missed him. But the truth was that I didn't miss him, at all. I had barely thought about him in the past few weeks, so to see him now was just awkward.

After exchanging pleasantries, we ran out of things to say and so making an excuse Leah and I walked away from him.

"It was nice to see you again"

"You too, Paul. Bye" forcing I smile onto my face, I dragged Leah away quickly.

"That was...odd" supplied Leah as soon as we were out of his earshot and out of his line of sight.

"Yeah, downright awkward more like" we reached her building and we said our goodbyes, walking down the street to where I had parked my car, as she walked into the building waving over her shoulder before she got inside.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

Getting into the apartment I noticed the stack of letters by the door as I tugged my jacket off, chucking it onto the back of the sofa I picked them up. Sifting through the post, most of it was either junk or yet another bill. Then right at the bottom was a very official letter from Aston Martin, dropping the letters on the dining room table I sat down, bracing myself for another rejection letter.

With bated breath I flipped it over and opened it, before I could chicken out, skimming the letter printed on headed paper I had to read it several times for it to sink in.

_Dear Mr Jacob Black,_

_We recently received your application for a job in our sales department in Seattle, however looking at your resume, I feel that you may be more qualified for a different job role._

_So I would like to offer you a job, not on one of our sales team but rather as part of our design team in England, London at our Mayfair design centre. We are always looking for people with new ideas and we think that you would be better qualified for this position._

_Please call me at a time that is suitable for you, so that we can discuss the possibility of you joining us at Aston Martin..._

Dropping the letter in shock, the words printed on the paper ran through my head, _England _they were offering me a job in _England_. Oh my gosh, leaning back in my chair a smile spread across my lips as a chuckle of disbelief escaped my lips.

Going into the kitchen I thought about a quick drink to celebrate, then thought against it and had a soda instead. Going back into the living room I picked up the letter and read it again, glancing at the number and realising that it was for the head office in London, I decided to leave it until tomorrow when it wouldn't be the middle of the night there.

Sifting through the rest of the bills and throwing the junk mail away, I felt relived now that I had a job offer. The only bad thing was that it was in London, so I would have to leave my friends, everyone behind.

Including Edward.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

The next day I was round Emmett and Rosalie's for lunch as they said that they had an announcement to make. Everyone was round as the girls served up lunch before everyone was about to tuck in, Emmett and Rosalie stood up.

"Me and Rosalie have some good news" the others were silent as they continued, Emmett took her hand and she gave him a rare smile.

"I'm pregnant!" Esme stood up immediately and excitedly rushed over to give her daughter in law a big hug, whilst the others also congratulated them. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jasper smile and take Alice's hand, as she sat stoic while her friend was oblivious to her pain.

Later on Edward and I cleared the plates from the table, allowing the girls to fawn over Rosalie and letting the rest of the men have a celebratory drink, in the living room. Taking the plates into the kitchen Edward stacked them in the dishwasher, smiling at me as I handed them to him.

"Good news for Rose and Emmett"

"Yeah, but I'm more concerned about Alice" nodding he loaded the last plate and closed the dishwasher, turning to face me and leaning against the countertop, clearly in no rush to get back to the others.

"She has Jasper, they'll get through it. If anyone could, it's them" nodding I stood next to him. "Hey what happened to Riley? Haven't seen him in a while" he said it with forced calmness as he looked down at his hands.

"We broke up, a week ago, it had run its course" what that really meant was, I had pushed him away for someone whom I wasn't even sure felt the same way about me.

"I can't say I'm sad to hear that" What. The. Hell. What the fuck did that mean?

We then lapsed into silence, it wasn't awkward but for some reason, I rushed to fill the silence blurting out the first thing that came into my head.

"I got a job offer" he turned his head towards me and looked genuinely pleased for me.

"That's great, who for?"

"Aston Martin, on the design team"

"Congratulations man, when will you start?" I stalled scratching the back of my neck and looking down, slightly reluctant to tell him where it was.

"I'll start in a month and a half" he was still smiling and clapped a hand to my back happily.

"It all worked out for you didn't it? You got a job here, so you don't have to worry about your ass of a boss, back at your old job"

"It's not here"

"What?" the smile was wiped from his face, to be replaced with a look of confusion.

"The job it's not here in Seattle"

"Where then New York or something?" he looked somewhat disappointed to hear I might not be living near him anymore.

"No, actually it's in England, London. At the head office in Mayfair, I'll be leaving in a month to settle into the accommodation they are going to set up for me" he didn't say anything, a part of me wanted him to ask me not to go. I wanted for him to ask me to stay with him, that he wouldn't marry Bella, however those words never came.

"Oh" was all he said.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: sorry this was kinda short but I felt it needed to end there. Moving on for the next chapter I will stay with Jacob's POV, unless you think I should go for Edward instead?**

**Going away for a few days so it may be a while before I get the next chapter out, sorry for leaving you guys on such a cliff hanger.**

**Please leavea comment/review it only takes a few seconds and your comments, whether good or bad help me to improve my writing. Bye!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**A/N: here is the next instalment for you guys! The next chapter should be posted as normal, it is really only after the 17th of September that my schedule becomes fairly packed.**

**Well then on with the show, enjoy the latest part everyone!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12 ~ I often think about where I went wrong. The more I do, the less I know<strong>

**Edward POV**

He looked up at me with a disappointed look, obviously my lack lustre answer was not what he had wanted to hear.

"Is that all you have to say?"

"What do you want me to say?" his lips turned down into a frown at my retort.

"It doesn't matter" shaking his head he took a step back turning his body towards the door, as he was about to walk away from me I walked to towards and put my hand on his shoulder. He turned and glared at me and for a moment I thought he might punch me again.

"I don't know what you want me to say Jacob, but I will miss you. You're my best friend, but I know you'll do great at your job" there it was again that disappointed look, I guess I had said the wrong thing yet again.

"Okay then" was all he said before he shook my hand off and walked to the door, stopping there and putting his hand on the door frame as he turned to look at me. "actually it's not okay" walking back to me, with a defiant look about him.

"What is it?"

"Do you really not get it?" I shrugged in confusion, not getting where this was going.

"Get what?" He shook his head angrily.

"I love you" he said bluntly not moving any closer to me but not moving away either. I didn't know what to say, I knew that I was attracted to him physically. I thought about him when he wasn't there, missed him when he was gone, did that mean that I loved him as well? In a stunned silence my mind went blank and a look of bitterness came across his face, while he waited for a response.

"I don't get you sometimes Edward" neither do I. "you're so hot and cold, one minute what we're doing isn't right then you change your mind. When I tell you I'm not with Riley you say that you aren't sad to hear that. What do you really want?"

"I don't know" he shook his head and sighed, taking a small step back.

"You keep saying that Edward, maybe you should man up and make a decision"

"Jake" he held up his hand to stop me and I fell silent.

"You can't have it both ways Edward. I love you but I'm not going to wait around for you forever" his lips turned down into a frown, he shook his head again and left not looking back this time. Standing rooted to the spot in shock, a part of me wanted to go after him another more rational part told me to just go back to the living room and be with my fiancée.

Bella had been so happy the last few weeks, completely oblivious to my betrayal she had thrown herself into planning our wedding that would take place in a month and a half. Around the same Jacob would leave, so I had a choice to make but I had no idea what to do.

Pinching the bridge of my nose I sighed deeply and closed my eyes. Right at that moment Bella walked into the kitchen, she looked up at me and smiled totally ignorant of the encounter that had happened only moments ago with Jacob. Although to be totally truthful with myself I wasn't sure, I myself knew quite what had happened.

"Hey Edward, are you okay you look a little off" shaking myself mentally, I brought my mind back to Bella.

"Yeah I'm fine, what are you looking for?"

"Emmett has a bottle of champagne, we just need glasses" walking over to the cupboard to the left to the fridge, I helped her carry the glasses and the bottle into the living room. Putting the glasses down on the glass coffee table, I lifted my head and my eyes sought out Jacob.

He was chatting with Emmett and Jasper, nodding his head every so often but not really paying attention. I could tell, because he nodded too often and his gaze kept wandering while his hands kept clenching and unclenching into fists, a habit of his when he was either uncomfortable or angry.

Bella and I went round with the drinks and I offered one to Jacob, who took the glass without glancing at me once. My dad made a toast as everyone stood round Emmett and Rose, happily grinning and excited for them.

"To my son and my daughter in law, I am certain that you will be brilliant parents and should you ever need it, you always have help from all of us. I wish you only happiness, congratulations!" with a forced smile Jacob raised his glass then took a very deep pull of champagne, almost draining his glass.

I saw Leah raise an eyebrow at Jacob but she did and said nothing, she just turned back to her conversation with the girls.

* * *

><p><strong>Two weeks later<strong>

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I sighed and sat down on the sofa whilst Bella made coffee for us, she chattered happily to me as she made it. She talked about Rosalie's pregnancy, a client who tried to sell her a book on snails and others things that I wasn't listening to properly.

Over the past two weeks the preparations for the wedding were increasing, it was all we ever talked about and it was slowly turning into a bit of a nightmare. If she was talking about, colour schemes, flowers or bridesmaids she was reading bridal magazines and watching bridal shows. It was all driving me mad, I had other things on my mind as well.

Yet again me and Jacob were not speaking, not for lack of trying to though. I had left numerous calls and messages all of which I suspected were just getting deleted. With one more month left until I was due to be wed, but only a few weeks until he was going to leave I was still very confused.

"Edward….Edward!" she spoke in a tone that made me realize that she must have calling my name for a while. Shaking my head in a half-baked attempt to get a certain someone out of my mind, I focused back on Bella as she handed me a cup of coffee and curled up on the couch next to me.

"Yeah?" she bit her lip, a habit that I used to find quite endearing but now it just irritated me.

"You've been out of it all day" she looked more annoyed that I wasn't listening rather than concerned at all. "I wanted to know if you had a preference for the song for our first dance. I was considering Michael Buble Everything, unless you had something else in mind?"

"No that sounds good" nodding I took a deep gulp of coffee burning my tongue in the process. Pressing my lips together and clenching my jaw, I put the mug down on the coffee table looking to the TV.

"Could you sound any more excited?" she said sarcastically, crossing her legs and slowly sipping her coffee.

"I've had other things on my mind" I snapped at her, standing up and starting to pace behind the couch. I ran a hand through my hair, tugging at the roots in frustration.

"Right, then if this isn't important to you then why are we getting married?" I didn't say anything what could I say? Pacing more furiously she stood up and turned to face me.

"I'd like you to leave"

"Bella..."

"No! I have spent ages planning this wedding, an event you don't seem to even want. So if this isn't what you want then you need to tell me now, before we go through with something that would not make either of us happy" stopping my frantic pacing I looked across at her, she looked angry and upset. She stood with her arms across her chest as she glared at me.

"I don't know what you want me to say" was my pathetic response. She huffed and turned away picking up her mug just to walk round to the open plan kitchen and put it on the counter top, still turned away from me.

"What I want you to say is that you love me and you still want to marry me...but what is it you want?" as she faced me, I had no idea what to say to her. As I saw it I had two options. I could tell her everything about what had happened with me and Jacob. Then I could call off the wedding or I could do what was expected of me and marry her.

We could live together and have 2.4 kids, grow old together in some retirement home and look after our grand kids. I just didn't know what I wanted. Did I love Jacob or was it lust and wedding jitters? But the choice wasn't just about two different people about me as well, was I gay?

"I don't know" even to my ears it sounded pathetic and whiny, I had said that so often recently that I could now see how infuriating it was. She nodded as if in understanding, walking to the door she held it open looking down at the hand which had the engagement ring I had given her.

"Well I would like it if you left" her tone was sharp and icy as I walked to her.

"Bella, please understand...I" she didn't look up at me as she spoke, her voice quiet.

"I have been trying to understand Edward and I still don't get it. If we love each other it shouldn't be so hard, so please just leave...maybe in a day or two we can talk...just not now" I heard the pain in her voice and I wanted to comfort her, to hold her an tell her it would be okay. But instead I walked out of her apartment in silence, only looking back when she shut the door.

Sighing I walked to my car thinking over how over the course of the past few months, everything had changed. I had a plan, I knew what I wanted and how to get it…and now I wasn't so sure.

* * *

><p><strong>Jacob POV<strong>

Inhaling deeply I felt the relaxing effect of my 8th cigarette in two hours, in between drags I drank my third can of beer even though it was only two in the afternoon. Leah however wasn't as home to give any of her disapproving glares or sarcastic comments. It was not as if she was ever around, she was so wrapped up in her boyfriend they spent most of their free time together.

Finishing the can of beer and taking the last drag from the cigarette, I stubbed it out and went into the kitchen to get another beer. Going past the phone I saw that they were a few messages on the answering machine. Opening the fresh can and taking a deep pull I listened to them, lighting up another cigarette as i did.

The first was a message from Leah, telling me she would be staying round Jared's tonight. Rolling my eyes I listened to her overly cheerful voice and took another guzzle of my beer.

The next message was from Edward, I walked away as soon as I heard his voice. His gorgeous smooth voice that had moaned out my name on several occasions, shaking my head and taking another sip of beer I sat myself down on the sofa.

Flicking through the TV channels there was nothing on, I settled on some trashy court room drama. As I finished the beer and cigarette, I had just lit another one when the phone rang. Letting it go to voice mail, I stood up to throw away the empty can when Leah's voice filled the room.

"Hi Jake it's me, again. I just heard from Bella that the wedding has been postponed, have you heard from Edward about it?" I stopped in my track to listen to the rest, not wanting to talk to her in case I gave anything away. I had a lot of questions that would only make her suspicious, she hadn't realized I wasn't talking to Edward or she would not have asked.

I wanted to know when this had happened. Who had been the one to make the decision, how they were taking it and if the reason was because he told her about us.

No if that were true, wouldn't he have told me? Then it hit me, he had called me earlier today and left a message. Waiting for Leah to be finished, I went through my messages, deleting the one from Leah to get to his message faster.

"Hi Jacob, it's me...Edward. It looks like my brother wants a party if Rose gets a baby shower. He wants to know if you wanna come out for a lad's night?" I let go off the breath I was holding, somewhat disappointed to say the least. There was a pause on his end of the line.

"...so unless you deleted this the second you heard my voice, I am sorry for everything and if you're still not talking to me good luck with the job in England. You deserve it" that was it?

Shaking my head I went into the kitchen pouring myself something stronger than a beer, a large shot of vodka. Gulping it down in one go before pouring another and going straight into the living room or swaying into the living room.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

A few hours later and with a few more drinks in my system my inhibitions are lowered and I feel like I'm floating. Going to my favourite club I remember a cute blond buying me a drink, more drinks passed round as we flirt both of us given confidence by the copious amounts of alcohol in our systems.

Getting into a taxi, we get very close his lips all over my neck and shoulders, moving my head away when he tries to kiss me, I'm not quite ready for that. Hands fumbling over each other's clothes as we make our way to his place. Clothes are thrown everywhere in our mad haste to get to a sofa, a bed to get somewhere.

One of us pulls out a condom and lube and then we are at it, both of us moaning and groaning as he writhes underneath me. With the alcohol surging through me and my climax approaching, I chuckle to myself as he tries to kiss me. I push his lips away and push into him roughly. Kissing him would make this too personal, all this is mindless fucking.

Nothing else and that is the way it will stay.

Afterwards I make some silly excuse, he didn't quite believe me but I've already left. Somehow getting back home, I slip into my bed after creeping into the apartment completely forgetting that Leah isn't home.

It is nearly half four by the time I start to drift off and even though I've done all that I can think of, Edward is the last conscious thought I have, before my eyes close and I fall asleep.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

It carries on like this for the next few days and I know I should stop. I should drink less and quit smoking because in a few weeks' time I would be starting my new job. The job that I had spent hours and days obsessing over, was it really worth throwing away?

Drinking more and more I pretty much had a permanent hangover. So on this particular day after the night before, I was driving to the store to get painkillers for the throbbing in my head. Sunglasses over my eyes, somewhat dulling the sharp pain in my head I saw lights flash behind me.

_Oh shit_. Was my first thought as the police car pulled up alongside my car, I hoped that he was passing by but that went out the window when he motioned for me to pull over.

I pulled over to the side of the road, looking down the street and seeing the store at the end of the road, just my luck. He took his time walking towards my car, whilst every beep of horn or shout to someone sent a flare of pain through my head. As he casually strode over to my car I rolled down my window, he was a thin reedy looking man, maybe in his early forties with salt and pepper hair and a neat beard that hid most of his face.

"Excuse me sir but do you know how fast you were going?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"I don't know, but you're probably going to tell me anyway" he expression hardened, his lips turning down into a frown.

"You were driving above the speed limit, 60 in a 40 zone"

"But I was just going to the store I don't normally drive that fast" his frown deepened and he took a small sniff.

"Have you been drinking?" he asked me sternly.

"I had something to drink last night, I'm not drunk" he took a step back from the car.

"Could you step out of the vehicle for me please" groaning loudly I undid my seatbelt and got out of my car very fed up at this point. The police officer went to his car, parked behind my own and took out a breathalyzer. Leaving the door open I stood on the side walk as he held out the contraption for me to blow into.

His eyebrows rose when he got a reading, the frown seemed to be carved onto his face as he shook his head.

"You are above the limit, I'll have to take you to the station" _shit _was the first word that came to mind, he slapped a pair of cuffs on me and led me to the police car.

* * *

><p><strong>Edward POV<strong>

Sitting in the staff room I poured myself a cup of black coffee when my phone rang, the screen showed a number I didn't recognize. Putting down the mug and sitting up straight I took the call.

"Hello?" I heard clanking and shouting in the background before the person on the end spoke.

"Hey Ed it's Jake. No one else is answering their phones and I wouldn't ask if I anyone else were picking up their damn phones, but I'm in a little bit of trouble"

"How much trouble?" he filled me in quickly and I immediately sprung up from my chair, leaving my drink and calling out to Victoria the other music teacher. "Victoria, can you cover my lessons, I gotta go" I had covered for her a few times, when she went to see her on/off boyfriend James, so she kinda owed me. She just nodded over the papers she was looking over, while I grabbed my things and swiftly strode outside to the school parking lot.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

An hour later and a very disgruntled Jacob was getting into my car, he slammed the door shut with unnecessary force and I winced at the sound. Buckling up his seat belt and looking out of the window he ran a hand through his messy black hair, looking agitated and uncomfortable.

"Could you just drop me off at home?"

"Jake" he kept talking as if I hadn't interrupted him, starting the engine I pulled out onto the main road in the direction of Jacob's place.

"I'll pay you back as soon as I can"

"Jake" his knee shook as he continued to look out of the window, not looking at me once as he kept talking, or more like rambling on.

"You may have to wait a while, until I get myself sorted in my job and new place"

"Jake"

"It will be okay though I'm leaving in two weeks" we got to a set of traffic lights, which turned red. Turning my head to face him I raised my voice when I spoke again.

"Jacob shut up" he closed his mouth and moved his gaze away from the window and at me. "it's fine don't worry about it, it's no big deal"

"Well thanks again" he spoke stiffly, not sounded all to grateful. A few months back I would have been able to get a smile out of him, with just a raised eyebrow and crass joke. A few weeks back I would have just kissed him and now I had the feeling if I did either it would not quite get the reaction that I wanted.

The rest of the drive back to his apartment was filled with an awkward silence, every so often I would open my mouth to say something but then I would think better of it and keep silent. Killing the engine twenty minutes later as we got to our destination, he reached for the door handle the moment the car came to a stop.

"Jacob, please how long is this going to go on for? You're my friend I never meant for this to get so...so fucked up" opening the door he hesitated, facing me with his lips turned down into a deep frown.

"You _were_ my friend, past tense. You're right though this is very fucked up...I don't want to be your dirty little secret Edward. I gave you a chance to change that, I told you I love you for crying out loud"

"It's not that easy Jake" he shook his head.

"It could have been _very_ easy, all you had to do was make a choice. So I'll go to London and you can marry Bella like you planned" he took a deep breath and sighed, turning away from me and getting out of my car.

"I guess it's good that this has come up, it shows us were our priorities lie...goodbye Edward" the last part was almost whispered, but I definitely heard it. He quickly walked away and I felt like it was my last chance to do something, to make him stay...with me.

I know what he wanted me to say, three little words that could change everything but as I watch him walk away yet again I couldn't say it. Even though a part of wanted to run after him the other part told me I should marry Bella. Waiting in my car until he went inside, I drove off back to the school hoping I could make it to my last lesson.

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><p><strong>AN: thank you for reading, please leave me a quick review & tell me what you think good or bad. Until next time, adios!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**A/N: as I write this it is exactly a week till I go to Uni, although when I post this it will probably only a few days. I am super excited but also really nervous, I am going to be all alone!**

**Anyway on with the show, read and review please!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Thirteen ~ When will I see you again?<strong>

**Edward POV**

The next day as I was going through some paper, my gaze kept flicking away from my work to the phone and to my car keys on the coffee table. I didn't know whether to call him or just go round there and talk to him. I was pretty sure if I called he would hang up or screen my calls, if I went round he would probably shut the door in my face. Either way I could make up my mind.

Deciding I wasn't going to get much work done, I pushed the papers aside and went over to my piano. Sitting down I randomly played a few notes, letting the music flow. After a minute or two I realized I was playing Grease Summer Lovin', shaking my head and chuckling to myself I changed tune but found myself playing You're The One That I want. Abruptly stopping I stood and started to pace, running a hand through my already quite messy hair.

After a few minutes someone knocked on my door, looking at my watch I saw that it was nearly seven o'clock. Answering the door I saw Leah standing there, with her hands on her hips and a fierce facial expression.

"Hi Leah, wh-" she held up a hand to silence me and then walked past me into my flat. "Make yourself at home" I muttered to myself as she stood by the couch leaning against the back of it as she looked over at me. Shutting the door I took a few steps towards her raising an eyebrow in an unspoken question, she crossed her legs at the ankles before speaking.

"I know something's going on between you and Jake"

"What do you mean?" My heart beat wildly, I was afraid she had figured it out. That I would have to Make a choice when I wasn't ready for it.

"You and Jacob had a fight, didn't you?" I breathed a sigh of relief. "When we were talking early, I asked if I had heard from you and got all..." she struggled to find the right word. "he got...bristly" she shrugged genuinely confused and concerned for her flat mate.

"Yes, that we did, have a fight that is" my voice was a little too loud and a little too forced, but if she noticed that anything was amiss, she did not show it.

"But what happened? I mean barely a few days ago you were mates like always and now he gets all defensive if I so much as mention your name"

"It's nothing we just had a bit of an argument, don't worry" her expression went from confused to angry, in a few seconds.

"Don't worry? How can I not? He started smoking again, he thinks I don't know but I can smell it on him. On top of that if he's not smoking he's drinking, he has actually taken to drinking in the morning I've seen all the empty cans and bottles that he tries to hide. If you're not worried about him, what kind of a friend are you?" she had a good point, he had been like this after Paul broke up with him, how could I not have noticed it?

Shaking my head I sat down on one of the dining room chairs, running my hands through my hair making it stand up. "I am the worst friend, you're right. Completely right, I'm such an asshole for not realising what I did"

Her expression softening somewhat when she saw how conflicted I was, approaching me she took one of my hands in hers. "What happened between you too Edward, this isn't just a little fight is it?" her voice lower and less condescending she looked at me while I internally struggled with what to say to her.

"No it isn't it's a lot more than that" she squeezed my hand, urging me to elaborate, taking a shallow breath I leaned forwards and pinched the bridge of my nose before I continued. "There isn't really a way to sugar coat so I won't try to...up until recently me and Jake have been having an...affair" for once in her life Leah was silent, she always had an opinion and gave it too people regardless of whether they wanted it or not.

"What?" was the only think she could think to say.

"Jacob and I have been sleeping together, for the past couple of months" removing my hand from my face, I glanced at her. Her mouth was hanging open in shock as she withdrew her hand from mine and stood up.

"That's the whole time you and Bella have been engaged though" I nodded, looking down at my lap and clasping my hands together.

"Yes"

"Is that why she postponed the wedding?" she started to pace in front of me, biting her thumb as she did when anxious or stressed out.

"No, she doesn't know. So you can't tell her, please Leah" she stopped pacing and glared at me again.

"You dump all of this on me and then you have the audacity to ask me a favour! I should tell her as soon as possible!" her voice barely raised that much, but I flinched anyway each word was dripping with anger and disappointment. She began pacing again, faster this time shaking her head in disgust as she looked down at the floor.

"Are you going to say anything to her?" still pacing she thought about for a few moments, her lips turned down into a deep frown.

"No, I won't"

"Thank you L-"

"Don't thank me just yet, I won't say anything to Bella provided you tell her first" I felt most of the blood leave my face and my heart drop into my stomach. Crossing her arms over her chest and letting out resigned sigh, coming to a stop and looking back at me. "Is there anything else I should know?"

"Well at Emmett and Rosalie's lunch, he told me he loved me" she let out a low whistle.

"That...that complicates things" I nodded agreeing 100 percent with her. "So, do you love him or do you love Bella?" That was the million dollar question, who did I want to be with?

"Honestly, I'm not quite sure" sighing I pinched the bridge of nose and closed my eyes. "When I proposed to Bella I thought I knew what I wanted, I thought I knew what I was doing, now everything is so complicated. On the one hand I do love Bella or I think I do, I know how much this will hurt her but I didn't think above her when I was with Jacob"

"What about Jacob?"

"Jake? He is my best friend and I can laugh with him and tell him anything that Emmett would think soft. I am also attracted to him, I can't deny that. That is the reason why I am in this situation because I'm attracted to him so much, but I've fucked that up haven't I?" Leah didn't say anything at first, moving my hand away from my face and standing up slowly, I glanced at her and most of the anger had gone from her expression but she still looked disappointed.

"Look Edward, you have made some pretty stupid mistakes, but you are good guy. You just need to make a choice, before you end up hurt those you love even more"

"I know, I know. It all sound so easy doesn't it? Just pick who you love and get over it...right?" I nodded to myself and dropped my gaze away from her and to the ground.

"It's not easy, not at all. I know that, but if it helps, think about who you would want standing next to you if the world came to an end, today" she took a few steps towards me. "I think you already know, but it's not just that is it. You need to accept it yourself, you know what your problem is Edward?"

"I have just one problem?" was my sarcastic reply as I looked up at her, her response was to roll her eyes and poke me in the chest.

"Like I was saying your problem is, you care too much about what people think. You let what others think is 'right' dictate what you do, marrying a woman, having kids, house with a picket fence. Don't let that affect what and who you want, because it's your life, not mine, not your brother's or your parents" she paused and moved her hand away from my chest. "Ask yourself Edward, what do 'you' want?"

Sighing I looked down at my watch and Leah took another step back, she gave me an encouraging look before walking to the door.

"Thank you Leah"

"Yeah, Yeah" she said dismissively, nodding at the same time" Just tell her soon, okay?" I nodded and she let herself out of my apartment.

* * *

><p><strong>Jacob POV<strong>

Taking a swig of beer, I dragged a black suitcase out of the bottom of my wardrobe. Leaving the wardrobe open I started packing my things, taking the time to fold my clothes carefully. I was barely half way done, when Leah came back home, poking my head round the door I saw she looked conflicted as she walked inside. Dropping the shirt I was folding on the bed, I went to her looking at her in concern.

"Hey Lee" she smiled at the use of my nickname for her, however she still didn't look too happy. "What's up?"

"Nothing, it's just that...I'm...I'm going to miss you, when you leave me"

"Aw, did Leah Clearwater _just_ admit to caring about someone else? Are you feeling okay?" she punched my arm playfully, though it still hurt a bit. She tries to smile at me, but it looked more of a grimace.

"I just want you to know that whatever happens, I am always here for you, okay?" nodding, I smiled fondly at her and held my arms out.

"Give me some love" she put her hands on her hips and shook her head, trying to not be a total girl. "C'mon, you know you want to" I kept my tone light and teasing, smiling at her as she rolled her eyes.

"You're such a dork sometimes" Shaking her head as I wrapped my arms around her, she gave in and hugged me back her head just above reaching my shoulder.

"I will miss you too, Leah" I think it was my imagination, it felt like she hugged me a little tighter at those words. Breaking apart, I put my hands on her hips and gave her a kiss on her head, she sniffed and ducked her head so I couldn't see her face, which made me think she was crying. Hugging her one time, this time briefly, she went to get herself a drink and I went to continue packing.

My mobile rang as I entered my room, picking it up from where I had dropped it on the bed with everything else, I took the call.

"Hello, is Jacob Black there?" greeted a high pitched females voice.

"Speaking"

"I am calling about your flight in two weeks, you wanted a flight for a few days earlier. Unfortunately most of them are all booked up, the only flight that I could move you would the flight in three day time" pressing my lips together and sitting on the edge of the bed, I didn't have to think about it that much.

"Could you book me on to that flight then, please"

"Of course, Mr. Black shall I use the same credit card details?"

"Yes"

"Alright, if you could just hold on for a few moments, please"

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

Pouring a cup of coffee for me and Leah, she sat at the kitchen table rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and yawning loudly.

"So what is it you wanted to tell me?" was her sluggish reply as I handed her the mug of coffee, she half yawned before taking a big gulp of her drink swearing when it burned her mouth.

"By the way it's hot" she glared but said nothing. "I'm not leaving in two weeks to go to London"

"But you were so looking forward to that job, did you get another offer?" shaking my head she looked very confused.

"No, let me finish...I'm leaving on Friday" she looked shocked.

"That's in just two days"

"Yep" nodding and sitting down she stared at me open mouthed. "well, say something!"

"Um...have you told Edward?" frowning at her comment, I took my time in answering taking a small sip of my coffee before answering.

"No, I haven't why does that matter?"

"Because he's your best friend" she stated matter of factly and I couldn't help but scoff at that comment, because Edward and I hadn't been friends for a while now, not since everything changed.

"Things change" she didn't seem happy about that, but Leah wasn't always the life and soul of the party.

"Oh, okay then" then we sat in silence as we drank the rest of our coffee.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

It was Thursday morning and I had less than 24 hours until my flight to London on Friday morning, and I had too many things to do. I had to drop my car off at Emmett's who was going to sell it for me and then go meet my dad who was driving up with my sister Rachel.

Managing to get through the morning rush hour okay, I pulled up in front of Emmett's house, spotting a familiar silver Volvo in the driveway. This was going to fun I thought to myself as I rang the doorbell, keys in hand so I could be in and out of here. It was just my luck that he answered the door, I had to admit he is still looking fucking gorgeous. His bright green eyes were piercing and it was a gorgeous contrast with his bronze coloured hair that was tousled, giving the illusion that he was easy going and not as straight laced as he really was.

"Hi Jake, what are you doing here?"

"Just dropping my car off with Emmett, don't you have class today?" he shook his head and stood aside to let me in.

"You know what just give Emmett the keys and tell him to let me know when he sells it" I chucked him the keys rather than risk touching him, he caught them easily in his left hand.

"Don't you want to come in? Emmett's just on the phone"

"No, it's okay. I have to run, loads of things to do" as if just realizing he had a set of car keys in his hand, he looked down at them then back at me, with a confused expression.

"Why is Emmett selling your car?"

"I'm leaving a little sooner than I had originally planned and so I won't be able to do it myself" he frowned looking somewhat sad, I really hated to make him sad but what was I supposed to do? If he had wanted me wouldn't he have told me sooner wouldn't he have tried at least to fight for me? He simply let me fall through his fingers, so it was clear he didn't love me, it was probably a good thing I was leaving sooner. With a vast ocean between us, I could get over him and maybe I could find a cute British bloke while I was at it.

"Oh, how soon?"

"A few days" making a big show of checking my watch for the time, I put my hands in my pockets ready to leave. "Well I'll see ya later"

"See you Jacob….I'll miss you" the last part was said loud enough but I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen his lips move and say the words. Mentally shaking my head, I ignored the last part of that and just walked away, from all of the missed opportunities and all of the unsaid words.

I was going to have a fresh new start one that didn't include Edward Cullen or his gorgeous green eyes and sexy as fuck hair. No a new start would be good for me, it would have to be.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I think this is my shortest chapter to date, sorry about that but it had to end there.**

**The next chapter is Thursday evening and Friday morning, all from Edward's POV, lets see what he does next shall we?**

**I think after this there will only be two or three more chapters left, so we come towards the end!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**A/N: hi everyone, I've realized that most of you really dislike Bella, that wasn't my intention at all! She is being cheated on and Edward is withdrawing from her, she is hurt and she is just reacting to how uninvolved Edward is. I do dislike how some stories represent her as a bitch, she is the (partly) innocent party here.**

**Anyway with my little rant aside, here we go people the moment of truth! What will Edward do now?**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 14 ~ Here we go again<strong>

**Edward POV**

There it went another chance slipped by, I could have said anything or done something. He tried to hide it, but I saw the look in his eyes as he walked down the road away from me yet again. That look was the same heartbreaking look he had in his eyes the night that he broke up with Paul, the night that now seemed a lifetime ago rather than just two months ago.

Emmett walked out of the living room, raising an eyebrow as I closed the door. "Who was it, Ed?"

"It was Jacob, dropping off his car" handing him the keys, I grabbed my jacket from where it was hanging by the door. "I have to go, I'll talk you later"

"You only got here a few minutes ago!" complained my brother petulantly as I got my cars keys out of my jacket pocket.

"Yeah, I know...something has come up. See you later Emmett" not sticking around long enough to hear the halfhearted goodbye, I strode over to my car quickly sliding in and driving in the direction Jacob had headed. I saw him a little way ahead of me, I soon caught up with him, Slowing my car to a crawl beside him. He turned and saw me, then he looked straight ahead doing his best to ignore me.

"Jake, when are you leaving?" he pretended that he didn't hear me but I saw his lip involuntarily twitch as he kept walking. "Jacob, c'mon just talk to me please"

"Soon"

"What?"

"I'm leaving soon" what was with all the evasiveness?

"Yeah, I gathered as much. But when, a few days earlier or a week earlier, how soon?" he turned his head to glance at me.

"I'm leaving as soon as I can, so you don't have to worry about me fucking up any more of your _plans_" with that he looked away again.

"Jacob, you...er...let me give you a lift at least..._please_?" stubbornly he refused, shaking his head and refusing to look at me, his hands clenching and unclenching as he walked faster.

After a few more attempts to persuade him to get in the car, I gave up. Eventually turning round to go to Bella's apartment, I had made a decision and if Jacob wouldn't talk to me then I would go to Bella. When I arrived there I knocked on the door, but there was no answer looking round I saw Bella's truck so she must be in. Knocking again I got no reply, so using the key that she had given me a while ago I let myself in.

"Bella?" at that moment she walked out of the bathroom, with what looked a lot like a pregnancy test. She looked surprised to see me in her apartment, for a while we stared at each other in an oppressive silence.

"Are you...p-pregnant?"

"I just took it, we have to wait for two minutes" she sat down at the dining table and put the test on the table, staring at it like it would disappear or multiply if she blinked too soon. Sitting opposite her we lapsed into silence, as we awaited the result. "Why did you come here?"

"Because, we need to talk"

"I thought so...can I tell you something first?" nodding my head, she took a shaky breath and closed her eyes. "A while ago, before Jacob helped with the night at the park I went out with Rosalie and Alice. We went to a club and….and….I" opening her eyes, she took another breath and looked up at me. "I slept with someone else"

"You cheated on me?" I wasn't angry or upset, the thought that she had slept with someone else wasn't as repulsive as the thought of Jacob with someone else. I had merely asked the question because it seemed implausible that moral, sweet Bella could have it in her to have sex with someone else.

"It was only the once and I felt so guilty afterwards, also I was so out of it we didn't use protection….so if I am pregnant….it might not be yours" nodding I felt strangely detached from her, nodding again and leaning my elbows on the table I told her the truth.

"I have something to say as well….I have not been entirely truthful with you. I have been having an….affair for a while now" her mouth dropped open, she was stunned. After a moment she regained her composure, biting her lip as she thought it over.

"It make sense….how….er….who….is she? Or do I not want to know?" of course she never would have guessed that I would cheat, much less that it would not be another woman but a man, one whom she knew very well. Shaking my head she looked shocked, hurt and confused all at the same time.

"It is Jake"

"What is Jake?" she said more confused than before, I was not really doing a great job of telling her the truth.

"Jacob….is who I have been having an affair with" for a moment I thought she hadn't heard me properly, she froze and the look of confusion morphed into a look of hurt then rage.

"Jacob, as in your best friend Jacob….who is gay?" I knew what she was thinking that I was gay too, why else would I sleep with a man. I didn't respond I knew she didn't really want an answer yet, instead I sat there stoically as she continued.

"How long?"

"A while"

"How long has it been going on, Edward?"

"Nearly two months" I kept my answers short, in an attempt to try and diffuse her anger, although it was not helping much.

"Two months! Fuck, that's as long as we've been engaged!" she stood up from her chair and started pacing, crossing her arms and biting her lip. After another moment of silence she shot me a glare, before turning round and picking up the pregnancy test, looking at it very intently.

"Bella….are you pregnant?" at first she didn't answer, so I tried again as she looked at it. "If you are, I want you to know that I'm here for you, I'll help you out if this other guy won't" blinking rapidly, she put a hand over her mouth and whispered two words only.

"I'm pregnant" she lifted her head and looked so lost, walking round I attempted to put an arm round her shoulder. But as soon as I tried to she took a step back, dropping the test and giving me an angry glare. "Don't even, just….just don't come near me!"

"Bella"

"No, I trusted you. I love….I loved you. Do you have any idea how much this ate me up inside!" her voice raised and I shrunk away from it, yet again I was the one in the wrong.

"I'm sorry, I ju-"

"You're sorry! You should do things to be sorry about! I thought that all this" she waved to the space between us frantically "was my fault, but it wasn't, was it?" she shook her head and a tear rolled down her cheek, putting her hands over her face she sobbed loudly, collapsing back into the chair behind her. I kneeled down and picked up the test looking at the little cross that said that she was pregnant, placing it on the table in front of her, she uncovered her face but didn't look at me.

She looked at the test again whilst wiping away the tears streaming down her face, reaching for the tissue box I slid it across the table to her. Still not looking at me she took the box, pulling out a tissue and lightly dabbing at her eyes.

"We were meant to get married….have kids….have the perfect life" as she spoke she glanced down and saw the ring on her left hand, her words trailed off as she looked at it. "I shouldn't have listened to Jake, I should have told you as soon as. I know that. I know I made a mistake but you….you, you propose to me then you start an affair. I was going out of my mind thinking that this…distance was because of me, of what I had done" she shook her head as more tears fell down her face.

"When did you tell Jacob?"

"The day before the whole day in the park, I was ashamed and I couldn't Rose or Alice. He was who I thought of, because I stupidly thought he was my friend" why would he help her, why would he not have told her he had the opportunity, many times in fact. So why didn't he?

Pushing this aside for the time being I sat down next to her, as she played with the tissue in hre hands stubbornly not looking at me.

"There is more"

"What else is there?" was her bitter reply, as she scowled and started tearing the tissue into little bits.

"I love him" I stated simply, admitting it for the first time to her and to myself. She nodded more to herself than to me, then she looked down at the ring on her finger.

"Right, then" taking off the ring I gave to her, she put it down on the table and slid it across the table to me, moving her hand away from mine quickly. "I'd like it if you left Edward" for a moment her eyes flickered towards me as I stood up, without arguing with her I took the ring and walked to the door, stopping with my hand on the handle.

"I know it doesn't mean much, but I honestly never meant to hurt you" she didn't say anything she just turned her head away, so I continued to talk. "I hate the fact that you are hurting and it's my fault. I stand by what I said earlier, I will be here for you if you decide to forgive me, I will help you with whatever you need"

She still didn't say anything, she sat there in silence looking at the window her shoulders shaking slightly. Leaving her apartment and shutting the door I walked to my car slowly, when I got inside I leaned my forehead against the steering wheel and sighed in frustration. I knew I was in love with Jacob, but what was I supposed to do?

He wouldn't talk to me, so how the hell would I tell him?

I went to school and did my lessons, afterwards I dragged myself home and into my apartment. As soon as I did I went to my little piano and started to play Clair De Lune. My current state of mind made for very bad piano playing, I hit the keys with more force than was necessary the notes slightly muddled, the piece I played only vaguely resembling Debussy.

When I came to end of the piece, I felt restless I needed to do something, but what could I do? Frustrated and angry at myself, I spent the rest of the night murdering more classical pieces in an effort to ease my tension.

Even though I felt so bad for hurting Bella when all she did was love me, I did feel a little relived now that she knew. Now all I had to do was make it right with Jacob, somehow.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

Waking up dazed and half asleep, for a moment or two I did not realize what had woken me up but then I heard the ring of my phone again. I lay on my back, sitting up and rubbing my eye with one hand I reached over to get my phone.

"Hello?" my voice was all croaky due to being half awake, as I answered the phone.

"Were you asleep?" spoke the slightly irritable voice of Leah as I got out of bed and went into the kitchen for a glass of water.

"No I'm always awake at seven thirty in the morning"

"yeah well, I don't think I should even be telling you this but Jacob had a little confrontation with your fiancé or should I say _ex_ fiancé, last night" this was news to me, but she had a bit of a temper on her when she was really upset so it shouldn't surprise me.

"What happened?"

"There was a lot of shouting from Bella and a lot of swearing from Jacob, it wasn't pretty, anyway I haven't got time for a blow by blow account and neither have you"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Jake is leaving today" for a moment I was shocked.

"What?"

"He has already left for the airport, so here is your last chance. I wasn't sure I should tell you, so far the decisions you've made have been really stupid, but I'm hoping you will prove me wrong"

"Leah, has he just left?" I interjected, just wanting her to get to the point.

"He's nearly there, his plane leaves in an hour and a half…..wh-" she was cut off as, I dropped the phone and swiftly ran into my room, rummaging around for a clean pair of jeans. In barley ten minutes I was out of the door and in my car, driving towards the airport, on a good day it would take me an hour to get there and I had a feeling it wasn't gonna be one of those days.

Pushing my Volvo to fifty and watching at the speed crept higher, I took a left turn and my heart dropped into my stomach at what I saw ahead of me. One lane of the road was blocked off for some reason and the other lane was currently at a standstill. Coming to a stop I poked my head out of the window to see what the holdup was, at that looking at the time I realized I had a little under an hour to get there.

Tooting my horn the sweaty, fat, bald man in the white van in front lazily hung out of the window and flipped me the bird. For the next fifteen to twenty minutes the traffic moved incredibly slowly, I was running out of time with a little over half an hour left now. Taking out my phone I tried calling Jacob, but his phone went straight to voicemail.

Shouts and more car horns blaring very loudly around me, I looked for another way around the block, seeing that the lane on the other side of the road was clear I looked round. Once I was certain I had enough space, I reversed a bit then made a sharp U-turn driving way above the speed limit as I looked for the right road to take.

As I got onto the right road, I lowered my speed the last thing I needed was to be stopped the police, no I had to get there. I had to. However, as the time slipped by I unconsciously started driving faster, repeating a single phrase over and over again.

_Please don't go._

_Please don't go._

_Please don't go._

Somehow I made it there, but I only had fifteen minutes until he was due to leave. Parking the car and virtually sprinting inside, I had no idea what to do now. Glancing at the departures board, I quickly found his flight it was the only one going to London in fifteen minutes, it said they were boarding and looking round I soon spotted the signs for the right gate.

* * *

><p><strong>Jacob POV<strong>

Looking down at my ticket then up as the line in front of me slowly moved as we boarded the plane, looking up a part of me had hoped Edward would have come. I had hoped that he would have at least tried to fight for me, but it was obvious that he didn't love me. He didn't want me, I would just have to deal with it

The line moved way too slowly for my liking, I wanted to go already, I needed a new start away from here and all of the memories. The good and bad ones.

For a moment I thought someone called out my name, looking up I tried to find out who it was. I couldn't see who it was, so I put it down to my imagination, even though I was pretty sure that it sounded a lot like Edward.

* * *

><p><strong>Edward POV<strong>

I now had ten minutes and the gate was right on the other side of the airport, I'll need a fucking miracle now. Running as fast as I could and earning many odd looks in the process, all I was thinking about was Jacob, I needed to tell him how I felt.

I got to security and had to pass through the metal detector. Sticking my things in the plastic box as quick as I could I passed though the metal detector without setting it off. I resumed my frantic search after I had grabbed my things but then I got to passport control where things go tricky.

"Passport, sir?" said a thin, weedy man.

"I don't have it" he raised an eyebrow and shook his head.

"Then I can't let you through" sighing I looked round quickly then I pointed to my right.

"What's that?" he turned to look and sprinted past him, when he took the bait. I heard his call behind me but I didn't care I ran as fast as I could, my breath coming in short pants.

I saw the gate, but I couldn't see Jacob so I called out his name to no avail. I saw a security guard behind me and I continued to run till I reached the gate.

"Jacob!" I called out as I saw him, he froze as he was about to hand his ticket to the stewardess. He slowly turned to see me a look of confusion and shock on his face as he stared at me. "Jake I-" at that very moment I was tacked by the security guard, falling to floor with a sickening crunch coming from my left arm and pain shooting up to my shoulder.

Glancing up at him he looked back at me, the stewardess said something and he looked from her to me a look of concern flitting across his features as he handed her the ticket. She ripped in into two parts handing in back to him, he gave me a fleeting look before shaking his head and walking away.

* * *

><p><strong>Jacob POV<strong>

**Two days later….**

Walking into my new apartment, I unloaded the groceries putting everything away neatly before sitting down at the dining table and looking round.

It was nice enough the flat, the kitchen was an open plan one which lead into the combined dining/living room, it was slightly smaller than my previous place but that was because it was only a one bedroom apartment. It was too quiet in the flat, so I played a CD, resisting the urge to smoke another cigarette or go for the bottle of vodka in the cupboard.

The internal fight did not last long, I soon grabbed my pack of cigarettes and lit one taking a deep breath and sighing in relief, as the nicotine rushed into my system. At that moment the doorbell rang loudly, stubbing out the half smoked cigarette on the ashtray I moved it into the kitchen by the sink, as I wasn't really meant to smoke in the building.

Going to the door I slowly opened it to see, Edward. He frankly looked a bit of a mess, his normally messy hair stuck up in all directions, circles under his eyes and his pale skin looked even paler, if that was possible. My eyes fell onto his left arm which was wrapped in a cast from the elbow down, I saw that it had been signed in some places, but a huge picture of the London eye and famous other landmarks had been painstakingly drawn on, Alice's work most likely.

"How did you know I lived here?" was the first thing I said to him, he shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he looked at me, his face tired looking.

"I know some people" he waved he hand casually. Raising an eyebrow he backtracked, letting his arm drop by his side. "Leah told me"

"Why would she do that?"

"I can be very convincing when I want to be" I gave him a skeptical look. "Leah knows about us and I told her that I made a mistake….yet again"

"Shame you didn't realize that sooner, it would have saved you a trip here and back" he shook head.

"Well it doesn't matter now, can I come in?" I let him in, with slight apprehension as he walked by and that familiar sweet and musky smell invaded my senses. It took all of my willpower not to just kiss him but I held back…barely. He sat down on the sofa, wincing slightly as he accidentally jostled his arm, I wanted to reach out to him but I didn't I remained standing by the other side of the room so that he would not tempt me as much.

"Why are you here, Edward?"

"I'm here because I love you" his words were too much, turning away I closed my eyes not daring to hope that he really meant it. Bella had given the impression that he had told her about our 'situation' and she had broken it off, so I was probably the second choice now that he couldn't have Bella anymore.

"You don't have to say that?"

"Why not? I mean it, I know I have hurt you and Bella and I have made stupid choices but you, you're not one of them" I didn't say anything I could sense that he was getting frustrated with me. "I raced to the airport, I was going to tell you but you walked away, I am here. I came all this way, what do I have to do to prove it to you?"

"There is nothing you can do, Bella told me what happened. I know that I'm not your first choice. I can deal with that" I turned to look at him, his expression determined. "What I can't deal with is you telling me you love me, when I know that you want someone else"

"I don't want anyone else, I want you my best friend and the man that I am insanely in love with. I only understood was this was when I realized that I was going to lose you, if I didn't do anything" I shook my head and looked away from his piercing gaze, my hands curling into fists.

"How can I trust you? After all of the times that you denied you felt anything and went back to her, after I said that I loved you and you…you said nothing?" my voice became strained as my eyes started to prickle and I turned away again, so he wouldn't see how hurt I really was.

"Jacob" he crooned in his silky smooth voice, as he was suddenly standing next to me. "Jacob, look at me….please" it was the last part that he whispered almost pleadingly, that had me looking at him. He was standing with his chest pressed to my back and as I turned he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer. I closed my eyes enjoying the feel of his body next to mine, his cooler body against my warmer one.

Our lips met and for a moment it was pure bliss, our mouths moved in sync knowing exactly what to do to get a response. His hand moved to the back of my neck and my hands wound themselves in his silky bronze locks. He pushed me back so I was pressed against the wall, pinned there by his chest against mine and I couldn't find it in me to complain.

Whilst all of our sexual encounters before had been rough and fast, this was unlike any other kiss we had shared. It was slower and more tender, yet still very passionate as our tongue met and entwined. We took our time and it was like we were trying to savour each moment, remember each caress and each moan elicited from us. When we broke away there was silence between us, he kissed my cheek and leaned his forehead against mine.

"_Gosh_, I could kiss you all day. Don't you feel that Jake, that spark _every_ _time_ we touch, the butterflies when we look at each other. Because that's what I feel, every time and even though it would so _incredibly_ hard if you want me to I'll stop, if you want I'll leave and never come back. Though it would kill me, because you mean _so_ much to me, so please…._please_ don't tell me to stop" I didn't know what to say, I knew what I really wanted, I wanted to kiss him again and to hear him say it again and again.

"I don't know, if I should"

"If the world ended tomorrow the one I want standing next to me is you, _no_ doubt. Someone very clever once told I care too much about what everyone else thinks, you were the one to push that notion I had. I act like I am not a part of that world that my parents belong to, but I have been just as ignorant and prejudiced as all of them" his gaze didn't waver or stall at all, he had complete confidence in the words he spoke.

"I don't deserve you, you are by _far_ a better person than me but I want to try…for you. So will you give me another chance, I know that it would be too much to ask for forgiveness , but I _will_ spend the rest of my life trying to be the type of person that deserves someone as _wonderful_ as you"

I looked into his dazzling green eyes and my stomach flipped, his hand was still on my neck and could feel the sparks like I was a live wire, moving my hands away from his hair he frowned looking so disappointed.

"Say it again"

"I love you" he stated with no hesitation, no apprehension at all. Looking deep into his eyes I knew he meant it, every word. I crashed my lips to his again, in a kiss that said everything I couldn't express in words, how much I loved this man.

He spent way too much time on his hair in the mornings.

He was stubborn and the majority of the time he was very angsty, especially when he didn't get his way or when there was a big mess.

Though he didn't like to admit it, he could be very stuck up at times.

But he was the only person, who knew exactly what I was thinking and whatever I needed.

He was also fiercely independent, he never asked his parents for any handouts, even when he has been in a few situations where he could have used a little extra money.

And he was also my best friend, whom I could tell anything no matter how trivial.

Because of all these things and more I love him, he eagerly kissed me back and I broke away for a moment the dismayed look on face was just too cute. "I love you" he smiled and he looked so ecstatic at the three small words I had uttered.

"I love you, too" if it was possible his smile widened so much it looked like it hurt a little. "I love saying that, I love hearing that. I love you"

"I love you, too" I promptly kissed him again. This time when we broke away I smiled at him cheekily before slowly unbuttoning his shirt, turning round so it was now him pinned against the wall.

"Jake…" he said in a warning tone but trailed off with a low moan, as I kissed every bit of flesh exposed as his shirt came off, pushing it over his shoulders and letting it drop to the floor.

"I don't want this to be about sex….you mean more than that to me" stopping in my tracks, I smiled and straightened up giving him a quick peck on the cheeks he raised his eyebrows. "What was that for?"

"To shut you up" with our bodies pressed together I could feel his growing erection against my thigh, smiling wickedly at him I ground my crotch against him and he groaned out his eyes darkening with lust. I was too far gone to care that I was essentially dry humping him, like a dog in heat.

Taking in each moment I let him leisurely pulled off my shirt, giving me that sexy crooked grin before whispering in my ear, his voice low and husky. "Where's the bedroom?" almost melting when he nibbled my earlobe, I took a step back and led to him to the bedroom by the hand, feeling insanely happy.

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><p><strong>AN: I think this is my longest chapter to date! Well since it's been a while since I last updated, it's a bit of a treat.**

**The next chapter will definitely be the last folks, I'm actually a little sad to be finishing this **** anyhoo, there will be a lemon in the next chapter, for all of you who like our boys having a little fun under the sheets :P**

**Bye for now! xx**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**A/N: final chapter folks! :( I am actually pretty sad to see this end, but every song has an end, it doesn't mean we enjoy it any less...you can just hit repeat! I make myself laugh so much, lol.**

**On with the show then, enjoy :D**

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><p><strong>Chapter 15 ~ I don't believe in fairy tales, but I believe in you<strong>

**Jacob POV**

Delighting in each moment with the man in my arms, we fell to the bed with only a few layers of clothing separating us, I was on top of him and pulling away from his lips to his dismay I placed my knees on either side of him and at a torturously slow pace I unzipped his jeans. He wriggled impatiently underneath me and I smirked at him, before pulling them off along with his boxers so he was completely naked.

"Jacob..." he drew out each syllable, as my eyes raked over each inch of pale, perfect flesh.

"Yes?" he huffed as I raised my eyes to his own, Edward squirming uncomfortably to get some much needed friction while I smirked at him but felt my own erection straining against my jeans. He hooked his legs round my waist pulling my body towards his, so there wasn't any space between our hot bodies.

"You have...too many clothes on" his voice was husky with need and it was so hot, I felt his hands making quick work of my jeans and briefs his lips going to my Adam's apple. His tongue circling round and sucking on my neck lightly, I let out groan that was closer to growl and I felt him smile against my neck. "So hot" he mumbled as one of his hands ran down my back sending shivers of anticipation down my spine, he grabbed my ass and thrusted his hips up so our cocks rubbed together, creating some much needed friction.

"Fuck" I groaned out, it felt so damn good, but I wanted more, I needed more. As if knowing exactly what I was thinking, he flipped us over so he was hovering over me. With that beautiful crooked smile of his he reached down, leisurely wrapping his long fingers round my dick, rubbing his thumb over the head and the bead of pre cum forming I let out a moan that was embarrassingly loud, but I was too far gone to give a damn. He had barely touched me and I was already nearing my release, like a pre-pubescent boy.

That smile still on his face, he slowly started to stroke me and it felt like this, us we were meant to be. My eyes fell closed, then I felt his tongue licking the underside of my cock, another groan fell from my lips and he chuckled lightly.

"Baby, keep your eyes open. I want you to see, exactly how I'm touching you" his voice was so compelling, opening my eyes I leaned on my elbows watching how his long fingers wrapped round me. Feeling the coil in my stomach tightening deliciously, with every stroke and the way his eyes never moved away from mine. Hearing all the moans mingled with his name, coming from me in a string of utterances that hardly made sense anymore.

His tongue made its way to the head of my dick, encircling the sensitive flesh his hot mouth little by little enveloping me. I let out another string of curses, one of my hands reaching out and tangling themselves in his hair, the sight of his mouth bobbing over my cock almost pushing me over the edge. Feeling my balls tighten, my grip on his head tensed tugging at his hair and making him moan, the vibrations round my dick sending me over the edge.

"Edward!" I screamed out but it probably more like: "Eddddddddwaaaaard!", as I spilled my seed into his mouth, he licked up every drop licking his lips with a smug smirk. Pulling his to me by his arm, so he was lying on top of me and I crashed my lips to his, tasting myself there.

I could feel his erection against my thigh and I thought that I should probably take care of him too, he whimpered when I slid away from him, his brow furrowing and nose scrunching up.

"Don't worry, I'm going to take good care of you"

"I hope so, I missed you" he gazed at me and he looked so gorgeous, kissing him once more I kept my arms round him.

"Tell me what you want, love" he fidgeted, nervous but for what reason?

"I want you to...er..." the rest of the sentence was mumbled into my shoulder so I didn't get what he was trying to say.

"What was that?" he didn't look at me as he repeated what he said.

"I want you...to...I want to bottom" I was taken aback, he had always shied away from that, I know he thought it would have scared him if he rushed into it. After all he had been very adamant that he wasn't gay, so who was I to say otherwise?

"Are you sure?" he nodded, losing some of his shyness now he had gotten that off his chest.

"Positive" he nodded again, lifting his hand to my chin and kissing my cheek tenderly.

"Okay then, getting lube and a condom Edward took the foil packet from me, ripping it open and taking great pleasure in rolling it onto my erect member.

Generously applying lube to my fingers and positioning us so that I was between his spread legs, reaching between us I very slowly spread a lube covered finger to his entrance. I felt him tense up underneath me putting my other hand on his shoulder, I gently rubbed small circles to relax him.

"Don't worry, I won't do anything to hurt you" he took a shallow breath, relaxing slowly as I talked to him. Ever so slowly I pushed my finger past the ring of muscle, he took in a sharp breath and I stilled my actions.

After a moment he nodded giving me the go ahead, still going very gently I let him get used to the feeling, I soon added a second finger and made a scissoring motion. After a few strokes I hit his prostrate, his lips made an 'O' shape his hips bucking into my touch as I continued to hit the spot.

"That feels soo good Jake, but I want you inside of me already" I needed no further encouragement from him, adding more lube to my ready and waiting cock I slid in bit by bit. Stilling when I was almost completely inside him, as his face contorted in pain, wanting to badly to move I waited for him to adjust to my size.

"Are you okay?" being inside him felt unlike anything else, but I didn't want to hurt him or push him too far past his boundaries.

"It hurts a little, but I'm okay...honestly" taking my hand he kissed my palm fondly and then he intertwined our fingers, as I continued to move, until I was completely enveloped by him.

"Fuuuuck" was the only word I was capable of uttering at that moment, with his legs wrapped round my waist he began to gyrate his hips, silently urging me to move. After a few more strokes he was moaning my name in rapture, it was wonderful the way he said my name as we bared ourselves for each other.

This was so different from every other time we had had sex, because that was all it was sex. Now it was so much more, it was how we proved that we loved each other.

He reached between us to pump his cock but I batted away his hand, stroking it myself matching the rhythm with my thrusts into him. He threw his head back as he neared the edge, I was so close as well and I just needed a little bit more.

Increasing my pace and hooking one of his legs round my arm so that I was hitting that spot at a different angle, I was relentlessly pounding into Edward and his moans got louder as he writhed underneath me, such a beautiful sight. The coil in my stomach tightened and I knew I was going to come. We screamed out each other's names as we went over the edge, seeing stars as I kept going, wanting to prolong the moment.

"Edward!"

"Jake!"

Collapsing onto the bed in heap of sweaty limbs, Edward laid his head on my shoulder, my arm under his head and his leg still round my waist. Looking at him, his cheeks were flushed his body sticky with sweat, he smelled like sex and musk it was the most tempting scent. He looked up at me and just smiled, he didn't say anything. He didn't need to I was content enough, to live in our little world for a while.

"Have I mentioned that I love you?" he said, kissing my shoulder that small touch sending sparks trough me.

"You may have done" he had, but I never tired of hearing it, after all of those days and weeks, fretting about what to do and what to say, it was all (finally) falling into place.

"Well, Jacob Black I love you" I beamed at him and he smiled back.

"I love you too, now shut up and kiss me" for once out a handful of times, he didn't argue he just kissed me long and hard, until we both needed air.

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><p><strong>Edward POV<strong>

"I have to go back, you know that" Jacob nodded but he didn't look happy, not at all. He stood by the window as we talked or rather as I explained why I had to leave in the morning. Standing up and walking over to him, I wrapped my arms round his waist but he didn't respond. "Jake, say something please"

"What do you want me to say, Edward? Don't worry about me, you go leave to talk to your pregnant ex-fiancé, while I stay here"

"Jacob, I have a contract I have to finish the school year, before I leave and come here on a permanent basis" he sighed sounding very put out, kissing the nape of his neck he relaxed slightly leaning back into my touch.

"Fine, but you better call when you land" he turned and kissed my cheek fleetingly.

"I will, I promise" with my hand on the nape of his neck, I pulled him in for a proper kiss. He resisted at first, but the moment our lips met he gave in. he sighed again this time, because I was leaving rather than because he was angry at me.

Moving away and to the door he gave me a sad look that made me want to stay with him and screw everyone else. Instead I picked up the small suitcase by the door, opening the door and looking back at him again.

"See you"

"Bye"

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

For those few days with Jacob, I forgot about the world outside, though unfortunately the world had not forgotten me. Apart from Leah, no one really knew what had happened between me and Bella, so I had a lot of explaining to do.

I started with my family, once my stuff was all put away at home, I called up my brother and my parents telling them I had to talk to them. After school I drove to my parents' house, sick to my stomach at the thought that they may not accept me.

My mother answered the door and as soon as I saw I her, I gave her a big hug which surprised her, as I wasn't too bid on displays of affection with my parents'. She just smiled at me though, kissing my cheek she then led me into the living room, where Emmett and my dad already stood awaiting my arrival.

"Ed, what's going on?" asked my brother, probably as he saw how nervous I looked.

"I'll get right to the point, me and Bella will not be getting married" my mother gasped and sat down on the couch, my dad frowned and crossed his arms while my brother looked very confused.

"But why, Edward? You and Bella were so good together" I shook my head at my mother, none of them really knew how much we had drifted apart in last couple of months. Even if I hadn't been with Jacob, I was pretty sure that Bella and I wouldn't have stayed together.

"Not as of recently, I'm ashamed to say that it is my fault that me and Bella did not work out" they didn't say anything but the looks of confusion was still there. Taking I deep breath, I took a step back before I continued. "I broke off our engagement because, I was having an affair..." they all stared at me in shock, lost for words. It was Emmett who spoke up after a very long silence between us all.

"Who is she?"

"What?"

"The girl you had an affair with, do we know her?" my mother sent him a chastising look, but Emmett ignored her. How did I tell them that it wasn't a woman but a man? A man that is also my best friend, who I am also madly in love with.

"The person I had the affair with was..." now I could tell them one of three things; (a) that it was non one they know (b) that it was with a man but yet again, no one that they know or (c) that it was someone they knew, very well, Jacob.

"It was...Jacob"

"Jacob?" was my father's first word spoken to me, since I got here. Nodding at them, they looked even more shocked at my quite sudden revelation.

"Does that mean that you are gay?"

"I guess so, Emmett. Is that okay, with you?" I directed the last part at all of them but my parents, remain silent my brother doing all of the talking for them.

"It doesn't surprise me really" said Emmett forcing a note of joviality into his voice, as he looked over at mom and dad then at me with a small smile. Returning the smile, I appreciated how he was trying to lighten the mood even if, it was not quite working out so well.

"Mom, dad, say something...please" my mother looked up from her husband and towards me, she tried to speak but words failed her. Turning back to my dad she took his hand squeezing it lightly, as a sign of encouragement.

"This is all a bit of a shock to us Edward, so if you would just bear with us" my father stood up and started pacing, by the opposite side of the room. I noticed how he didn't look up at me or acknowledge me in any way, he looked down at his feet his hands behind his back as he paced.

"Part of the money you gave us went on the honeymoon, I don't think I can get a refund but I will pay you back as soon as I can" he nodded still silent. Looking to my mother I silently implored her to say something, but she averted her eyes not wanting to say anything.

He paced faster, his lips moving but I could not hear what he was saying. Taking a few steps towards him, he shook his head repeating it over again. "An embarrassment" my cheeks flushed with anger towards my father, he thought I was an embarrassment?

"Is that what you think?" he pressed his lips together, a habit I realized I had picked up from him. Until then I never realised how annoying that habit was, it emphasised the lines round his mouth making him look his fifty two years old.

"We had all this planned out for you and look what you've done. You've thrown it all away, for what? What will people say, Edward?" his words were harsh and not at all what I expected from him, he had often chastised me when I was younger, but now this was so much worse. He was disappointed in me and the choices I have made recently.

"I don't love Bella, I care for her but I don't love her. Would you rather I live a lie then give other people something to talk about?" he didn't answer right away, he didn't have to I know he would rather have me keep up appearances than be with Jacob, then be gay.

"When you said you would rather be a teacher than a doctor, I _didn't_ say anything. When you pushed aside any financial help we offered you, I _didn't_ say anything. When you moved into that god awful apartment, I _didn't_ say anything. But I _can't_ keep quiet this time, I think you are making a _big_ mistake"

"No, I feel for the first time, I'm making the right decisions. In fact I don't any of my prior decisions were bad ones, you just don't agree with them. Why can't you accept that I am happy?"

"You were happy with Bella!"

"Because I didn't know any better, because I was afraid of doing something for myself. Because I cared what you thought...but if you the person that is supposed to love me regardless of what I do, cannot accept my choices then I think we have nothing else to say" up until this point Emmett and my mother had been silently watching the standoff between us. Shaking my head as my father stoically looked at me, I turned on my heel and left.

"Edward!" called out my mother, as I reached the front door turning she came to halt in front of me. Her eyebrows drawn together as she looked at me pleadingly. "He doesn't understand, he is just shocked, we all are. You know he loves you Edward"

"Well, he has a funny way of showing it. I have made some choices he does not agree with but I have never done anything that would reflect badly on him and since when does he care?"

"Edwa-"

"No mom, I'm leaving" I shut the door behind me as loudly as I dared, striding to my car as quickly as possible.

**~X~X~X~X~X~**

A couple of days past and my father didn't try to call or talk to me at all, my mother and brother called several times, very supportive and not at all judgemental. Which was something I had not expected, I had thought that out of everyone my father would have been the first to accept my decisions. Clearly I was mistaken.

Coming back to apartment after school, I had two messages waiting for me. The first was a message from Jacob saying that he missed me and he loved me. It made me smile as I went to get changed, as I pulled on a pair of blue sweat pants and a black tee I heard Bella's voice coming from the answering machine.

"Edward, it's Bella...Emmett told me about what happened" she sighed and paused as if thinking about what to say next "we need to talk, I went to doctors and we...we need to talk. Call me when you get this, please" the message had been left, barely an hour earlier. Dialling her number quickly, I heard the ring tone and waited for her to answer the phone, I didn't have to wait long as she answered on the third ring.

"Bella, its Edward I just got your message"

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><p><strong>Jacob POV<strong>

"Hello?"

"Hey Jake, it's me"

"Hi Edward, so when are you coming back to London?" he had caught me just as I got back from work, pulling off my jacket I waited for his answer.

"About that...I don't think I'll be able to come back" the words had real weight to them but he also sounded reluctant, he wanted to leave but he wouldn't or couldn't.

"Why, what happened?"

"Bella was pregnant" he stated simply.

"Yeah, I know that...oh gosh it is your baby isn't it?" he sighed deeply and I could clearly see how he would sit, with his legs spread apart as leaned forward and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Yes"

"But I thought...hey wait...you said she _was_ pregnant, what happened?" I heard a sharp intake of breath and I could see how he would shake his head, before pinching the bridge of his nose.

"She, she er...she lost the baby" I was stunned into silence, what could I say?

"How did you know the baby was yours?"

"The dates matched, it doesn't really matter now"

"is she okay?...are you okay?"

"I don't know, I pretty much just found out I was going to be a father only to have it taken away, before I could really wrap my head around it" he sighed again and I heard the sound of a bench squeaking lightly. I assumed he was currently sat at his piano, looking at as he contemplated his situation.

"It's a lot to deal with, so just take it too slowly. How is Bella handling it?"

"I don't know, she won't talk to me properly she only called because she thought I had the right to know. I used to be able to know what she was thinking, now she has just cut me out..." I heard a few notes being played in the background. "...which is really no more than I deserve, I hurt her Jake, I really did"

"At least you told her before it was too late, like walking down the aisle too late"

"I know, but I never set out to hurt her...I love her, I'm not _in_ love with her, but still...I hurt her in the worst possible way, what does that say about me?"

"Well first of all, stop beating yourself up. I regret that she got hurt, but wouldn't have been worse if she found out later down the line or found because she caught us. I'm not saying how we went about it was right, but we can't change the past and the only we can do is change the future"

"Damn, your right"

"Yeah, I have my moments" the piano playing came to a stop and he paused for a moment.

"I love you Jake and I miss you already"

"Same here, come back soon"

"I will"

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><p><strong>Four months later...<strong>

_A tangle of silky hair running through my fingertips as familiar soft lips kissed the sensitive spot below my ear, hot breath fanning across my neck and face as I shivered in anticipation. Hands with long fingers roaming my body, teasingly inching lower and lower...but not quite reaching where I wanted them the most._

_My eyes close I felt his lips move along my jaw, leaving small kisses as he moved to my cheeks, soft and sweet yet playful and too slow for my liking. Turning my head, our lips connected and it was every bit as blissful as the last time, even more so considering how long he had been gone._

I thought I was dreaming, in fact I had been asleep but sometime in between my dream lover caressing me it had become a reality. Because currently my hands were tangled in a mess of wild bronze hair that belonged to my lover, his hands were all over my body coming to rest at my hips.

And his lips, his lips were on mine and it was wonderful feeling his soft, full lips moving along mine like I had thought of so many times in the last few months. His tongue darted out licking my bottom lip and grazing it with his teeth, silently asking for entrance.

I could deny him nothing and soon our limbs were intertwined, every inch of our bodies touching, sending sparks flying everywhere.

"I thought you weren't meant to be back for a couple of days" he gave me that sexy crooked grin, then let his hands slowly inch up the back of my shirt.

"I thought I might surprise you, aren't you happy to see me?" he mock pouted, his bottom lips sticking out as he gazed me his eyes darkening with lust.

"More than happy, fucking ecstatic"

"I can tell" he gaze pointedly went to my groin where my obvious erection was pressed up against his thigh, he smirked at the reaction my body had to him. His hands moved to my chest, going higher till they reached my nipples. He arched his eyebrows so high that they almost disappeared into his hair, he had felt my left nipple and was definitely surprised.

Yanking off my shirt, I didn't complain as his eyes raked over my chest as he took in the silver barbell in my left nipple.

"See something you like?" I teased raising an eyebrow, he then did something very unexpected, for Edward that is.

Dipping his head he flicked the barbell with his tongue, I moaned as the pleasure/pain went straight to my aching cock.

"So fucking hot" he continued to play with the piercing, reducing me to a mess, moaning loudly and moving my hand to my dick, in an attempt to reduce some of the tension. As soon as I grasped my cock through my boxers he batted my hand away, moving so he was hovering above me.

He looked down at me pausing in his ministrations of my body, to take a look at me. Then he uttered the sexiest thing in a low possessive growl.

"You're all mine" all I could do was nod mutely, helpless to this glorious man's any whim.

There was nowhere else I'd rather be.

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><p><strong>AN: there we go the end!**

**Thanks for reading, I never expected to get so many people reading my little story.**

**Bye :D**


	16. author's note

**A/N: hiya to anyone reading this I had an idea for a short sequel to this story about three or four chapters long and I wanted to get an idea of what you think, should I do it?**

**I want to set it six months after the end of this one, Edward had permanently moved to England and they are living together, we will start with Edward getting two interesting proposals and how he deals with that plus having Jacob in his life as his new boyfriend.**

**Please, please, please leave review if you want this to happen, more Edward and Jacob, yay or nay?**

**Thanks for reading.**


	17. The Secret's Out?

**A/N: okay then guys back by popular demand, a sequel to My Dirty Little Secret is going to happen!**

**The working title is 'The Secret is Out' original I know, so if any of you have thoughts about a better title, feel free to let me know.**

**Like I said before it will be set about six months after Edward comes out to his family and Bella, moving to London to be with Jacob. We will see Esme and Emmett and at one point Edward may go back to the USA briefly, but the main focus will be (of course) Edward and Jacob.**

**This will be posted as a separate story which I am hoping to post by this weekend or early next week so keep an eye open for that.**

**And now for all of you who basically demanded more, here is a sneak peek (Warning: lemons and possible fluff! Don't say I didn't warn you!)**

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><p>I smiled and then sat up, turning round and kissing Jacob deeply, nibbling his bottom lip like I knew he loved.<p>

"What's your rush?"

"In two days my mother and brother are visiting and as much as I have missed them, I know we won't get a moment alone for the next week" I slid my hands down his body as he started kissing me back. "I am pretty sure I won't last three days never mind a week, so I am going to make the most of it now"

"Strangely I am okay with that"

"Good" he silenced me with his lips, moving so that I lay on top of him on the sofa I dropped butterfly kisses down the side of his neck. He was already rock hard and moaning deliciously as he thrust his hips upwards, reaching between us I cupped his crotch rubbing his member slowly as his groans grew louder and he fisted my hair.

"Stop, fucking teasing me" he growled out as I released him and went back to kissing him.

"You love it, really" his response was another groan and unintelligible string of words as I undid the zip of his trousers and reached inside his boxers, squeezing him lightly and running my hand up and down the shaft.

"Oh, oh fuck" were the only words of his that I could make out, with my other hand I tugged down the trousers and his boxers and increased my pace as I licked the head of his cock, he threw his head back and let his eyes close as I slowly took him in my mouth.

In a matter of minutes of minutes he was no longer groaning but screaming my name as he reached his high, he smiled at me as I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand and sat up. Then grabbing me by the front of my shirt, he pulled me back down and kissed me hard holding me close as our breathing became rapid and my pants became increasingly tight.

"When did you get so good at that?"

"I learnt from the best" smirking he tugged off my shirt and jeans and I got rid of his shirt as well, dipping his head he let his hot tongue circle my nipple teasingly before grazing his teeth again it, making me swear loudly and grip his hair as he continued his assault, his hands wandering lower.

"We should go to the bedroom, there are condoms in there" I whispered in his ear.

"Leave it baby"

"Really?" he nodded and then turned so now I was the one on my back, taking one of my hands he sucked my index finger, hollowing his cheeks and getting my finger coated with saliva before motioning for me to get him ready. Slowly sliding in my finger, he clenched his eyes shut but as he got used to the feeling he relaxed and moved along with my movements. Even as I added another finger he moved his body with my movements, letting my name fall from his lips as I found that sweet spot and hit it with each thrust of my fingers.

Then slowly, slowly as I possibly could I entered him, I was still until he told me I could move then with a grunt and my hands on his bottom I set a pace, his cock slapping my belly with each thrust, so reaching down I gripped his yet again hard cock and matched my movements. After a while we changed positions with him on his knees and me behind him, so I could move faster.

He gripping the side of the couch, as droplets of sweat fell down his gorgeously muscled back reaching round as he fisted himself, my hand went to his pierced nipple and I gently flicked it as I bit the base of his neck, where it joined his neck as I came hard as did he. A sweaty mass of limbs we collapsed onto the sofa, breathing hard with my head on his chest and his arm wrapped round me.

"We should clean up and go to bed" I was the first to speak, kissing the side of his neck and sitting up.

"I guess, so a shower?"

"If by that you mean another round?"

"You are insatiable"

"But you love me"

"I do love you"

"I love you too" oh that never got old saying it and hearing it back in return.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: okay that was a bit more than a sneak peak but oh well, bye for now!**


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